BPD suffer with chronic Depression and Carer

[honeheke]

Hello i am sick to DEATH of wanting death not just wanting death but doing it with a smile on my face as im my mothers carer.  I want to change i want to try and live i just dont know how to get help. I really want help but i dont know what to do about it do i check in somewhere i dont know how to start

[white knight]

Hi Honeheke, welcome

You've been your mums carer and I just in awe of that role in your life. Sounds like its all too much now. I'm an older male, 67yo, been down the road you describe as have many here on Beyondblue.

As with nearly everything discussed here your GP is the first port of call or lifeline 131114 or Beyondblue  1300 224 636 if in case of emergency or desperation.

What I can suggest as I've been here nearly 10 years, is that this forum wont judge you nor ignore you. Post anytime 24/7/365 even xmas day, once you post you will get a response when a Community Champion or a member logs on and sees your post.

As many of us have been in similar circumstances, many have also made the transition from that place to a better life. Then, being recovered (to a degree) we hold close to our hearts our work here so we can be supportive. When and if you feel like expanding on your story please do so, it's anonymous and I'd love to hear from you again with more detail.

HONEHEKE THE CARER

A wave of a hand that reaches her face

Two hands more a meaningful embrace

Then both hands reach down to tie mothers lace

Nothing compares with Honeheke's grace

Sit back and ponder what can be

Search and use all the services you see

Feel the breeze and glory to be free

Focus on the flowers and the bumble bees

Time to rest and seek help and care

Assistance is seemingly everywhere

Dealt a hand that others judge and stare

But you are special and life can be fair...

TonyWK

[james1]

Hello honeheke,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear you have been suffering so much while also trying to care for your mother. I imagine that is absolutely exhausting and overwhelming at times.

As TonyWK suggested, the GP can be a really good first contact because they can help give some direction at a time when we might be feeling really lost and unable to make long term recovery plans.

If you've spoken to a GP or other medical professional before, I'd love to hear how that went, if it's something you would be okay to share with us.

As an aside, when I felt suicidal, I went to the hospital emergency area and stayed there for a few days just to basically check out of everything that was stressing me out, and make sure I was safe. I am not sure how you are feeling right now, but that is always an option if you do not feel like you can keep safe. I understand you need to care for your mother, but we also need to make sure you are safe too.

James