The warmest of welcomes to you at a time in your life where the challenges you face now feel too hard to tolerate. My heart goes out to you, it really does.
I'm wondering whether the thoughts you face and feel are more so inner dialogue/inner monologue. For example, instead of hearing 'I have to speak to these people or they're going to think there's something wrong with me' it's more along the lines of 'You have to speak to these people or they're going to think there's something wrong with you'. I know a number of people, myself included, who face the challenges of inner dialogue. Not always easy to manage it, that's for sure. When your inner critic or inner whatever is chatting away up there in your head, it can be a massive challenge at times.
No matter how things come to mind for you, not easy either way. When you can feel the speed of your thoughts, the volume of them (how many there are) and the frequency (how often they cycle), it's a lot to be feeling. It's not just about the mental exhaustion, the impact on the nervous system can involve some physical exhaustion too. You mention two key factors when it comes to trying to manage such a challenge, 1)feeling lonely or not having a lot of people people around to interrupt the thinking and 2)not having anyone to help you make sense of why it's happening and how to manage it. So, little break from it and no key revelations to help unlock the best way forward.
I'm wondering whether you've given any thought to how you'd like to manage things. Have you considered whether you want to manage with medication or whether you'd prefer to manage without medication? Also, have you considered who you want to help you manage? Do you think it would be helpful to have a psychologist as a support and guide or maybe people who can personally relate to AuDHD or maybe a combo of both?
