One of my favourite things I loved to draw as a child was a clown with a tear. I grew up with a brother that had to attend the Royal Childrens Hospital every 6 weeks. So when I got to around 23yo I became "Yobbo" the clown. I joined the Moomba clown club and learned how to make children laugh at that hospital.
It confirmed to me that we do wear masks of various levels. How many of us attend or host a bbq and have this great urge to talk about our mental status? I have and now after many years that it took me to accept that my illnesses should not dominate my conversations, my guests are clearly much happier. That doesn't mean they don't care, it does mean their ability to assist me is so limited that they prefer not to just listen to the internal cries I am exposing.
Yes, my admission, I now wear a mask. I push back my internal conflicts and join in with the laughter and interesting discussion. Is this good? Yes it is. A part of me says "you should be yourself, if you aren't feeling well then act unwell,,,,be yourself". But there is an overwhelming need to think of other people to and their needs. It's not all about me is it?
So how do we develop a mask? We have to relax and let things flow because although we should seek common topics like the weather, the garden and our kids, good friends move from topic to topic naturally. Admittedly during these mask wearing charades I'm often saying to myself "oh boy, I am not enjoying talking about how he broke his leg" but....he might not have like me talking endlessly about bipolar last month either.
So let the guest choose the topics.
Ask questions This will make the guest feel important, that you are interested in their life.
Generate topics by actions eg we have a bird feeder near our bbq. We fill it with seed before the event. Guaranteed our guests will talk birds when they come to feed. Have table tennis, darts or badminton handy.
Thankyou's Some time after your get together send them a text thanking them for attending. They'll feel important
No Guilt. Once your guests have departed don't feel bad about wearing your mask. You still would have had a reasonable time with friends. You can find other ways to vent or talk (like this forum, your doctor) if you have ongoing issues.
Take your mask off to the one or two gems of friends that can cope with it.
What do you think? Do you wear a mask? Do you think wearing a mask is a good thing? Do you have other techniques?
Tony WK
