Vent and then let it go...

[Guest_1055]

Not sure about anyone else but sometimes I just need to vent, including venting any frustrations, fears, hopes, worries, longings and anything else. Most of the time I don't want any advice or any responses. Just need a way to get it all out from within me.

So thought this thread could be for those sort of things. No one replys to you with words or anything. It's a place to let it all go. Just dump whatever it is you want to say and leave it here.

So yeah no replys please.

[mmMekitty]

I hate feeling I am saying too much when I write responses to posts I have read. I hate feeling I have to edit my writing, to correct spelling errors, to 'get things right'

I hate having to use text-to-speech software and still finding it more convenient to zoom and see the words in order to make corrections.

I hate that the fellow who, as a follow--up to replacing my toilet, did not wear a face mask, andshrugged it off as if it is not important to do, even though he had literally,pages of people to visit. So, he may have been here for a minute or two, and that does not seem like much, but he is going around to many places, perhaps from one end of greater Bris to the other, north, south, east and west.

& now I will have to make another (useless) complaint to via social housing.

I hate that I think we will still be required to wear masks indoors, unless within our own households, even with our Qld ''lessor' lockdown.

I hate that some people seem to think doing things which will lead to longer lockdowns is worth making a point.

I hate that COVID-19 needs to be taken seriously.

I hate how COVID-19 is harming the mental health of so many people, myself included.

I hate my brother all over again. I hate hating him. I hate hating all of them.

I think, don't get me really going, I might vent until my fingers drop off.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMekitty,

Please don’t hate your writing too much words in your posts to others here...Each post you have written are very caring and supporting...as well as each post that’s posted here in BB helps many people who read only.....You are an inspiration to many people...without realising it...

Everyone reading or posting...

A big bunch of flowers 💐 for everyone doing it hoard today...and please try to always remember that you are all very worthy people....just doing it hard right now...and like the little fluffy clouds in the sky that continues to float across the sky changing shape constantly....our lives are always changing...each second of each day.....

You are strong, you are beautiful, you are perfect just the way you are..

Kind thoughts with some warm caring hugs...🧸💚🤗.

Grandy..

[Guest_1643]

Hi grand, love the support u gave to mmMeKitty

The metaphor of clouds in the sky is a great reminder to me, our thoughts and whims are like clouds floating by....quickly replaced by new clouds.... no feeling is final, as one of mynfavouirte quotes says.

I hear u mm kitty and topsy.

Thank u for trusting us here and sharing with us.

[Sophie_M]

Hi everyone,

This is a reminder that the intention of this thread is to “vent and let it go” that is to share our thoughts in the hope it will provide us with some relief and allow us to move on. Please be aware that you may not receive a reply to your post on this thread as it is assumed you're trying to leave the thought behind you. 

[gucia6]

great topic

I want to let go of resentment towards my mother, that she was not there when I needed her, that she actually pulled me down, when I needed most support.

And towards my father, that he was not there, and when he was, he was just a silent bystander agreeing to everything, and letting the abuse continue.

I don't want to forgive them. Not now. Not yet.

But I want to forgive myself, for having this darkness and bad side of me.

[mmMekitty]

It's late again,

My internet connection was not working well today, so I wanted to do what I could tonight, or, let the frustration of it beat me. I hate when I get so frustrated.

I wannt to run around and smash things. I can't run, making noises such as smashing things would do would scare me, frustration angers me, anger scares me, but all I can do is cry, which also angers me, These are my emotions, my expression of them I want to have under my control..

The sensations of tears down my cheek triggers old memories, and I am angry to have such fearful and I don't know what, emotions tied to a physiological response to what is happening in my mind now. I feel all these emotions have been released to break me, like they might have once done, if I had not suppressed them back then.

That was the way I coped, so I want that ability to control and suppress back again. Not going to happen!

I have managed to endure so long, I don't want to be broken ... feels like pressure building in a volcano. I once thought that volcano was dormant.

I realised last night, my helper didn't use the QR code in the couple places we went, and then she forgot her mask. Find another support worker! I like her, but I need her to be more careful, more diligent.

& my pretty dark fit-over glasses broke yesterday, as well. My spare pair are almost broken, scratched, too from when I fell down a couple years ago. They are not pretty.

I wanted my PDr to not be away today. I don't know what I might have said, or if I want to actually say anything. I'd only be crying and trying not to, trying to breathe, feeling I am going to choke on that, too. My words get stuck anyway. There's such a mess of crap in my head, which I don't know how to put into words. I just wanted him to be 'sort of here'. Even if I could ring him, hear him say, 'Hello', and then I could feel he is that 'sort of here' sensation I feel so lost without.

I need him more than I ever want to need anyone, for anything. I hate that too.

If we change the 'Venting' to 'Ranting', my post would feel okay. Grandy, it's called an 'inner critic'. Hard to keep that inner critic from being too intrusive.

Thanks for the space.

mmMekitty, 🙀I will sleep now.💤

[mmMekitty]

& I did too, because I was up until very, very, lat..early this morning. So I also slept in until mid-morning.

Getting my sleep/awake times askew.

Today, spent fully half an hour trying to find out when the latest slightly revised restrictions here in SEQld will be revised. (Surprisingly, Sept 27). So, I am better than I thought I would be. Roller coaster goes up, goes down, maybe even round and round, and then it stops, but not where I can get off.

My mood depends on what restrictions and when???!!!! I don't like that.

Is normalising how I am living now a good idea or not? I am uncertain, like not knowing which way to turn, for fear I won't be able to turn around and try the other way if I make a mistake.

[Guest_1055]

Think it is time for me to move on.....

I messaged someone today, said all the wrong things waffled on and on. Feel absolutely foolish for what I said. Why do I do such dumb things? I am no good at communicating. Best if I just keep quiet.

Feel like hiding away. F

[mmMekitty]

A slip of fingers on keybboard and my vent went away!

What do I feel about that? I'm not sure. A few different emotions, like:

Happy because it sort of feels embarrassing to see some of what I have written, & the grammatical errors, spelling mistakes that got past the editor, & even portions of the content. Even my last post here, I think I cut half of my first sentence. I want to get things right, or is it I still fear being negatively judged for all the mistakes and what's good not seen or acknowledged?

I'm happy cause I think, a little, I did vent and let it go.

I'm annoyed at my 'clumsy' fingers.

I'm sad that what I just lost to my 'clumsy' fingers might have actually been something someone might have needed to hear. Now thwy can't

I told myself, go an write and edit in a word doc before clicking 'post reply', and then, simply copy my text and paste it in the box. If I make a mistake, or my Internet connection fails, I still have my original text. Great plan if I actually bother to follow it.

I am grumpy I don't follow my own ideas. What am I trying to do to me? It seems I am trying to keep my life as frustrating as possible.

But I will win this one! Here goes...

[mmMekitty]

I have just a few people who help me, & today one is coming to take me out for a while.

The weather is lousy, it may well be raining soon, it's colder than I like and windy. I don't want to go. But I will because I cannot reschedule for another day. I don't even know where I want to go today, because I have to choose places outdoors, in the weather. (because of being unable to wear that mask).

I'm doing my best to not feel miserable; it's just below the surface, like rising damp in a bathroom wall.

It's making me tense up, tight all over.

I know. it usually does help, for a while, when I do go out, despite how I feel. I have no enthusiasm for it, that's all.

She'll laugh, make me laugh, and not acknowledge my deeper mood - really, the funny stuff we carry on with feels like a costume I am wearing for the day, and will fall from my shoulders when no one is looking.