The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

[quirkywords]

Yes you read the title correctly,

How do we mind less ,

How do we learn not to worry over every thing,

How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive.

I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about small things,and

how to not mind about what other people think.

Also how can we stop being reactive and turn that into creative response, not sure how to do this but others may have an idea.

Sometimes we can get angry over lots of things and it is hard to learn how to channel that anger.

I know the more I let things get to me, the worse I feel.

I have always tried hard to do mindfulness but I still struggle.

Maybe if I can stop minding about things that don’t matter I can stop overthinking.

I would like this thread to be a place where we can exchange ideas and share personal experiences about what works for them and what does not.

Feel free to post and let’s get the discussion going.

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

As you might have read in other posts, I have been estranged from my mother for 14 years and my sister for 2 years on a similar basis, that of what I see as narcissism. In the last several years I've studied this common trait and am astonished how often I come across it. I dont want to label a love one of your for such a trait so I'll speak in general.

My sister had a falling out with my daughter (35). Then after a few weeks while I preferred to stay away from the conflict, she finally rang me to get me included, to take her side. I refused to get involved. But then she carried out an act that our mother was an expert at, she influenced her daughters 33 and 31yo, to demonise me claiming it is my "fault she continues to have issues with my daughter because Tony wont get involved". This is classic triangulation and its what our mother did all her life.

So my sister blames me for an act that she carried out. Narcissists have many techniques that we can sometimes or all the time not recognise as toxic behaviour. Blaming someone for an act they commenced and as they didnt get the response they wanted is how they operate. So I lost my sister, but wait, I lost my nieces also as their mother convinced them that it was my fault and they place pity on her for my inaction. 

These toxic games on emotions begin in teenage years and as in the case of my mother (93yo) they still continue- why? because they know no other way to behave. I was lucky that I joined the military and lived with many colleagues that pointed out where I was going wrong. My sister lived with our mother while married until 26yo so she adopted the said behaviour.

When I say "toxic behaviour" for me its behaviour I cannot tolerate at all even for a minute, I call it out. Yes, I react quickly because I've been subjected to it for decades, its hurtful and I've lost many relatives as a result but... my mother has not "won" as its been 14 years and I refuse to see her. Any letters received in the early days were returned "return to sender". Now my sister, well aware of my dislikes, will suffer the same fate, not because I'm revengeful, but because I chose to live my life knowing I cannot change their nasty methods that lead to hurt.

Now I suffer not hurt from them, I've protected myself. My fortress of survival is working like a well oiled machine.

TonyWK