Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Elizabeth, thanks for your posts.

Words are personal; but I find no good comes from calling ourselves failures or saying we are helpless or hopeless.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

I would like to jump into this discussion. Some good ideas already.

Using 'not' in a sentence such as 'I am not stupid' sounds as though we are being good to ourselves. Unfortunately the brain does not hear/recognise 'not' and registers that I am stupid. So if you are having and argument with someone who calls you stupid and you respond with 'I'm not stupid' your brain thinks yopu are agreeing with the other person.

Quirky, I know you have mentioned saying what you can do and this is the way to go. I remember standing in my kitchen and saying 'I am not useless' and feeling terrible. Then I remembered to change my words. I said I was clever, or something of that sort. It felt like a bolt going through me. The positive words triggered a chemical reaction and wow.

For me this means I can accept I am unable to do certain things but that I am competent in many other areas, as you were saying Quirky. Apart from the futility of two people having a conversation of "You're silly" "I'm not silly" which gets nowhere and encourages anger, the second person is slowly being convinced of their silliness. Such is the power of words.

We parade our faults to ourselves and others and believe this encompases all that we are. Positive statements such as I can drive well, I can knit and sew, I am a good mother etc, start to reverse the brainwashing we do to ourselves as well as allowing others to define us. We can get so far down this road that many people give up and accept their inferiority.

So think about what you want to say and how you phrase it. If someone has to wait a couple of seconds for you to answer, so what. You can answer in a positive manner and start your journey back to wholeness.

Language can mess up even the best intentions.

This is a poem written by Les Murray.

The Meaning of Existence
Everything except language
knows the meaning of existence.
Trees, planets,rivers, time
knows nothing else. They express it
moment by moment as the universe.

Even this fool of a body
lives it in part, and would
have full dignity within it
but for the ignorant freedom
of my talking mind

From Poems the Size of Photographs 2002

So girls and boys, let's move forward with a faster pace now we know how to combat some of our stumbling blocks.

Mary

[quirkywords]

Mary

i do love les Murrays poetry and miss him.

I have a tendency to talk too fast when nervous or stressed soI try to take a deep breath and take pauses so I dont babble on and fall into the trap of trying to compete with my inner critic to see who can be the most negative.

I can try and keep on trying.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all those people trying to be kind to themselves.

When you hear your inner critic say

You cant do that?

You can say
Why not .Are You telling me I can’t? I won’t? I am ignoring you.

When the inner critic says

You are so , strange, weird etc

You say, so what? I like people who are different.

Share any examples that work for you.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and all🤗..

When my inner critic says I can’t do that...if it’s something I’m trying to do at home..my inner critic turns my thoughts from parents and hubby who constantly said that to me..I will attempt to do it with a positive mind..but like 99% of the time I can’t do it properly...I then start downing myself...and won’t attempt it again....

To answer your other question....You are so strange, weird etc....I am who I am and I know I’m strange, weird etc. and that really doesn’t bother at all...it’s me..I don’t mind being those things...I’m unique..so are you..the others here..and if I sound or look weird that’s me and I can’t change me or my personality...maybe..well hopefully one day I can change my mental health....will that change my personality..I’m not sure...but I don’t think so....am I my my right personality with mh...or will that change?....hmmm something to ponder on later...

Grandy...xx..🤗🤗.

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

I would say don't listen to your inner critic and your parents and hubby but listen to all the people on the forum who recognise what a wonderful human you are . You can do it. You have done it before.

I think we need to listen to those who are important in our lives and not those who are critical of us.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

may have used this quotation before but it is one that I can agree and disagree with at same time.

Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

his idea we allow people to make us feel inferior means we have a will but sometimes one might have been brought up to think that one is never and will never be never be good enough.

If you are strong enough to believe and know that no one can ever make you feel inferior , I feel you would have those skills and would not need the quotation.

Have I confused everyone?

Basically let me know what you think of Eleanore's quotation.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and all...

I also can agree with the quote..then again I disagree...

I think that if you have a lot of confidence and a good self esteem of yourself then that quote can be true....if your struggling with your mh..and your lacking confidence in yourself and people with mh..usually have a low self esteem of themselves...that the smallest negative comment spoken to them can really hurt deeply...and that brings on feeling of being inferior to that person...then I don’t really agree with the quote.....Just my thoughts...

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky and All,

This is an interesting quote Quirky. I tend to agree with what Grandy wrote. Sometimes we can feel so powerless and not in control in so many situations. Throw in Mental Health issues and just a glance can send you into a spiral even if the person sending it didn't mean you any offense.

Maybe we need to concentrate on finding ways to build up our self esteem, self confidence and inner strength so when an issue comes along, we may still feel hurt, but can find ways to deal with it.

Not always easy to do!

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Thanks Grandy and Mrs Dools. I agree with your points that the quotation can make sense if you are very confident but if one is struggling it is very difficult to ignore the insults of others.

Mrs Dools, wrote:

”Maybe we need to concentrate on finding ways to build up our self esteem, self confidence and inner strength so when an issue comes along, we may still feel hurt, but can find ways to deal with it.”

That is so true , and it is so hard as no matter how prepared I am , I am often ambushed by the intensity of my emotions when someone especially a loved ones puts me down.

Mary wrote “ Please don't give up folks. Keep plugging away because I am convinced we can do this when we support each other.“

They are strong words to remember and I too feel the key in supporting each other.

Quirky