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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Are you good enough? low self esteem
  • replies: 13

It's common to have over critical parents that get the balance of praise and criticism wrong. It results in often permanent damage to our mental health and an adult life of deflatedness leading to low chance of finding and maintaining a partner as we... View more

It's common to have over critical parents that get the balance of praise and criticism wrong. It results in often permanent damage to our mental health and an adult life of deflatedness leading to low chance of finding and maintaining a partner as well as happiness is elusive. Low self esteem effects every part of our being with everyone. Our partners often pay the price for our condition because all their eagerness to bring you up to speed where contentment permanently remains, they find their partner drop down again and again. Some years ago I had a serious evaluation of this situation I found myself in. I concluded- yes I knew the source- my mothers excess dominance and criticism even as an adult- her yelling when low voice command would have sufficed and her stubbornness to attend to her own mental health issues (suspected BPD). The question then became- what is the action/s I can take to ensure I have a happier life and patch up the damage? I continued professional appointments but I knew the major change had to come from within. As with the thread "the best praise you'll ever get" I kept patting myself on the back for being simply a good person. Do that often enough and it sinks in and the removal of the culprit in my life a personal choice Sometimes we have to rise above the wrongs being done to us to be where we deserve to be. That then leads to "I am a good person, I'm good enough, I was dealt poor parenting and I've now accepted that it is part of life.. a poor hand dealt. Easier said than done of course, but you have to find that direction in order to achieve. The alternative is to suffer in silence and do nothing. As the saying goes "evil flourishes when good people do nothing". Evil being poor learning behaviours carried on to the next generation combined with lack of praise. Constantly over correcting a dog will see its tail between its legs and timid forever, praise it regularly and it loves life but obeys Low self esteem is not your fault, it can be repaired through persistence and belief in yourself, acceptance that you were mistreated. Parents might say like "I was a bit hard on you" or "I shouldn't have treated you that way" and you can choose to forgive. But without remorse forgiveness is less reachable either way you were always good enough... TonyWK

white knight The best praise you'll ever get
  • replies: 16

Imagine, you are standing in front of two lines of people and you run between them. They pat your back and sing your praises..."good on your".."congratulations"..."well done". And the line goes for about 50 metres. At the end of it you turn around an... View more

Imagine, you are standing in front of two lines of people and you run between them. They pat your back and sing your praises..."good on your".."congratulations"..."well done". And the line goes for about 50 metres. At the end of it you turn around and you see in their eyes how proud they all are of you. You take a deep breath. "Made it" you mumble. For this is likely the ultimate joy of praise. Then there is the opposite- Humility. To do deeds with the full intent of NOT seeking praise. If you have low self esteem you are likely to enjoy praise to lift your mood and endeavours. And I think those reading these posts are more likely to have low self esteem than not. The problem with praise is, 1/ others have to notice your good deeds before you'll even look like you'll get any 2/ what if others are not around to see it 3/ some people will never praise anyone. I like praise. I like being accepted. I seek to be accepted. In fact if I don't get a lot of good vibes from a visitor I say to my wife later "I don't think she likes me". Such is the result of very low self esteem and a BPD mother that I could never please as a child or adult. I accept that. I've moved on. But the fallout stays. Over recent years I've come to realise my short term memory is failing. So I've resorted to the idea of talking aloud to myself. "Tea, pies, sugar and soap". If said aloud I'll have a better chance of remembering those grocery items. Then it occurred to me to say out loud the praise I would like from others- to myself. Now, this was quite amusing to my good neighbour when he heard "well done Tony, you good man you, make sure you dig that garden like that next time...what a man". I had to assure my neighbour all was well...that it was an experiment I was doing... Sometimes in life we cant rely on other people to help us. We are born alone and we will die alone. In between we depend on others for a lot of things. With mental illness we depend a lot more. Self praise is one thing we can try to do alone. And with proper technique and consistency we will succeed in at least feeling better and growing our confidence. Just be wary of your neighbours...... Tony WK

Missy580 Binge eating out of control
  • replies: 4

Hi friends, I need some help. Previously I have been very restrictive with my eating by eating healthy and having small meals. I managed to loose a lot of weight through intense exercise and healthy eating. I felt amazing, more alive than ever. Now s... View more

Hi friends, I need some help. Previously I have been very restrictive with my eating by eating healthy and having small meals. I managed to loose a lot of weight through intense exercise and healthy eating. I felt amazing, more alive than ever. Now since starting full time work my whole routine has changed. My eating is out of control, I’m constantly thinking about food & eating throughout the day. Iam eating until I’m so full my tummy hurts and sometimes struggle to breathe as I’m eating so fast the food doesn’t have time to pass through my throat. I cannot stop. I know it’s so bad for me, I don’t have any control anymore. I’m constantly setting up myself up for a good day with healthy food and good intentions but it all goes out the window. It’s never ending. I don’t feel like myself anymore, I’m feeling more and more down each day. It’s affecting me to the point that I don’t even want to leave the house as I feel so yuck with myself. What do I do? How do I get over this horror?

CMF Honesty vs Transparency
  • replies: 2

Hi all Honesty & transparency. Same, same...but different. In my opinion honesty is not telling a lie but transparency is not holding back info. Holding back info is not really lying but it can cause issues. Can you see the difference. Example. My pa... View more

Hi all Honesty & transparency. Same, same...but different. In my opinion honesty is not telling a lie but transparency is not holding back info. Holding back info is not really lying but it can cause issues. Can you see the difference. Example. My partner & his family wanted us to all see a movie. He said plans were for all of us but the time didn't suit me. They ended up going...without me. No discussion, they just changed the plan. There was honesty about going to the movie. I knew they were going without me, but there was not transparency. They had plans a while back to see it together which probably didn't include me as my partner assumed I wouldn't like. He really wanted to see it with his family but tried to include me & it backfired. He was honest about seeing the movie but not transparent in what the really wanted to do. Including me, then excluding me without explanation was hurtful for me. What are your thoughts? Do you see the difference with honesty vs transparency? Cmf

amd1953 The Good Old Days
  • replies: 1

There is one period of my life that I always like to go back to when I'm feeling a bit down or lost. Just the memories that I have of the relatively short time I had with my grandfather are enough to lift my spirits. I was born in Devon, England and ... View more

There is one period of my life that I always like to go back to when I'm feeling a bit down or lost. Just the memories that I have of the relatively short time I had with my grandfather are enough to lift my spirits. I was born in Devon, England and in a small village that was surrounded by beautiful countryside. In those days in the late fifties and sixties, not many people owned cars, so the roads were much safer and less congested than they are now. What I loved most about that time were the walks my grandfather and I would take. All of them were absolutely magical and I learned so much about natural history and the adventure of each outing was electric. There was always so much to discover and see. It truly was a wonderful part of my younger life. It was one of those times that you wish would last forever. But of course nothing stays the same forever and I found the loss of my grandfather devastating when he died of cancer in the mid-sixties. When I look back now, it was all too brief a period and fortunately I still carry the memories that make life so interesting and special. I only hope that others can find similar times in their lives when life seemed a little more idyllic and a lot less hectic to look back on and remember with fondness. It makes you realise how short and fleeting life is. I think it also gives us stabilising anchor points in our lives that we can remind ourselves that sometimes the good times have the power to shine through the times of darkness when we try to make sense of the negativity that makes up life too. Staying well and safe and being true to our own sense of being are surely the most important aspects of life itself. Why not take time out now and then to remember the times and people that meant so much to us?

amd1953 Keeping a Daily Journal
  • replies: 2

One of the best things I discovered was the habit of keeping a journal or diary. I tried to get into the habit of recording anything that might prove useful if any issues arose and I needed to refer back to them in the future. It might not be for eve... View more

One of the best things I discovered was the habit of keeping a journal or diary. I tried to get into the habit of recording anything that might prove useful if any issues arose and I needed to refer back to them in the future. It might not be for everyone, but it may be worth considering as a way of keeping tabs on moods, emotions and thoughts. Anything at all, in fact. Some people keep a visual journal which includes written entries as well as items such as photographs and sketches. Once again, anything could be used to improve the experience. These journals would also provide a way of perhaps lifting the daily burden simply by looking through it and searching for items that might lift the dark clouds on a heavy mood. Just an idea.

Birdy77 Words of comfort, encouragement and wisdom
  • replies: 839

To all the beautiful people Words placed in a particular order can have a profound effect on us. Words can bring us a moment of comfort, give us a different perspective, or change the course of our thinking and outlook entirely. I would like this to ... View more

To all the beautiful people Words placed in a particular order can have a profound effect on us. Words can bring us a moment of comfort, give us a different perspective, or change the course of our thinking and outlook entirely. I would like this to be a space where we share quotes that have meaning to us or that have the potential to bring some comfort or encouragement to somebody, even if just for the moment in which they are reading it. I will start. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher Go gently with yourselves lovely people. birdy

Debbie Downer First Week of sobriety
  • replies: 2

Hello, Not sure what I'm wanting to achieve here or what kind of advice people can give me that I haven't already read but some reassurance would be nice I think. I am 11 days off drugs and its been a rollercoaster of emotion, my childhood trauma has... View more

Hello, Not sure what I'm wanting to achieve here or what kind of advice people can give me that I haven't already read but some reassurance would be nice I think. I am 11 days off drugs and its been a rollercoaster of emotion, my childhood trauma has come to the surface and I am faced with all these feelings I've been avoiding for over a decade. I want to stay strong and I want to be better so I am writing this as a way to vent and seek support from people that have experienced the same and got through it.

Ggrand Nature is both beautiful and healing...🌲🌸🦋
  • replies: 71

Hello Everyone.... I love nature and I find it very helpful in helping me in healing way..when I’m not in a good head space...I was wondering if others feel the same and am hoping that you might share your piece of nature, whether it’s a small patch ... View more

Hello Everyone.... I love nature and I find it very helpful in helping me in healing way..when I’m not in a good head space...I was wondering if others feel the same and am hoping that you might share your piece of nature, whether it’s a small patch of grass in your back yard..somewhere that you drive to, to just relax, somewhere close to you that you walk amongst...and if you have really taken the time to listen, watch, feel, smell, the wonders all around us.. I love nature..the trees, flowers, creatures both big and small, it’s my solitude place, a place I go to when things are getting to hard for me.. I am lucky, I have this huge gumtree which I found out about recently... It was planted around 70 years ago by a local here when she was a little girl, and living in the house I’m now living in...About 5 years after she planted it, a strong wind with rain blew it down....A few of the locals saw her trying to stand it up to replant it...and they came to help her...and successfully managed to replant it....Today it’s easily over 60feet tall and just as wide, the trunk of the tree would need 4 people to hug it by joining hands.. The tree stands in front of my place and in front of the paddocks across from me..which the owner has some Angus cows, which love to lay under the tree....Birds are everywhere here, and a few use the tree as their home.. I sit outside for hours sometimes, watching the birds come and go for food and water I have supplied for them in bird feeders and bird baths....It’s a beautiful and peaceful way to relax watching and feeling what Mother Nature has provided for us... For me it’s both calming and healing... Do you have a piece of nature around you...and how does it make you feel when you take the time to just look and take in the wonder of it all.... We would love to hear about how nature helps you...and do you find that it can be healing for your soul... Kind and caring thoughts everyone.. Grandy..

quirkywords How do you not let others negative comments hurt you
  • replies: 25

Helloi am not sure if anyone can relate. I get upset when I feel people are being critical of me but I worry I am over reacting.people say let it go take a deep breath.so what do you do when someone is critical.How do you cope.?

Helloi am not sure if anyone can relate. I get upset when I feel people are being critical of me but I worry I am over reacting.people say let it go take a deep breath.so what do you do when someone is critical.How do you cope.?