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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Reflecting the blame or hibernation
  • replies: 2

Have you ever been misunderstood? When I wrote the article "guilt the tormentor" it was with the concept that those that harbour guilt are full of obligations to others, to satisfy others expectations. To release yourself from such "duty" is to free ... View more

Have you ever been misunderstood? When I wrote the article "guilt the tormentor" it was with the concept that those that harbour guilt are full of obligations to others, to satisfy others expectations. To release yourself from such "duty" is to free yourself and live a more relaxing life. There is some situations however, that require more than just a defence and release approach. If the metaphor is that some people in your life are throwing rocks, that you find ways to deflect them, is there occasions that justify tossing them back? I'm not talking about revenge, I'm talking about retaliating for your own protection. After all protecting yourself is a need for many of us. Recently I wrote about friends and family that visit constantly talking about their health issues. Nothing abnormal about that but some of us dont have the endurance to tolerate. Changing the topic can work, quietly leaving the room can but when to mention it? and how when our bucket is full? There is always justification to protect yourself. My dear wife gets affected by talk of injured animals. Friends recently described the collision of their car with a roo. When they began the details I asked them to stop, "she will get upset", surprisingly they continued. "Oh it's just that the poor animal was....". These situations are destressing and it can result in hibernation, closing yourself off from the world. In my thread "want to be a hermit" I described a "comfort zone", to seek out a middle ground of hermitization and normal living however with people there is only separation or toleration. It has been the case that I've struggled with the answer, if visitors wont change their conversation to respect our limits of coping then we blame ourselves. Is that right? Ironically in my defence days post Vietnam war those returning veterans could not tolerate talking about the place they were sent to and the events. People knew that when they socialised with those veterans that the war was off limits. "dont mention the war" was a catch phrase. Hence in the RSL there are members that do talk about it and there are non members that dont become members as they protect themselves from the conversations. How do we tolerate those that talk about distressing topics? A Firm "stop please"? Do you have ideas on this? TonyWK

P12 The Concept of Identity
  • replies: 1

I would like to ask a question about the concept of identity. I am sorry if it seems simplistic or sarcastic. This is not so, I would genuinely like to understand it better. Is anyone able to share their insight? It seems that the concept of identity... View more

I would like to ask a question about the concept of identity. I am sorry if it seems simplistic or sarcastic. This is not so, I would genuinely like to understand it better. Is anyone able to share their insight? It seems that the concept of identity occurs in multiple aspects of life (e.g. religious belief, political association, ethnicity, culture, disability classification, gender, sexual preference, etc). This suggests an underlying theme common to all aspects. Often I have noticed that people seem to express relief and assertiveness at determining their identity. Life's process seems to be one of struggling to determine one's identity, forming a hypothesis about it, then accepting that identity. Some people are relatively adept at this process, others are slower and may need help but eventually use the same process. In my experience, a major feature of psychotherapy is in helping patients determine their identity using this process. Once knowing one's identity, many people appear to gain confidence from believing it. They appear able to remain affiliated with it for the remainder of their life. It gives them contentment to live sustainably. They also use the identity to advocate for that group's beliefs and "compete" against people with other beliefs. This process seems scientific or positivist. However, I am not convinced the philosophy applies to me. If someone decides to believe a identity applies to them how do they suppress the perpetual questioning in their mind about whether it is actually correct? Is there something wrong with me for not wanting to determine my identity or for eternally questioning or changing my identity?

sbella02 How to be less self-critical?
  • replies: 9

Beautiful forum members, I don't usually start discussions on here, I'm generally replying to people. But this has long been something I've struggled with, and while it's great to give out my own advice on this, I don't necessarily follow it like I s... View more

Beautiful forum members, I don't usually start discussions on here, I'm generally replying to people. But this has long been something I've struggled with, and while it's great to give out my own advice on this, I don't necessarily follow it like I should. I'm wondering if others may struggle with something similar and have anything insightful that they'd like to share. Often others will have advice that I hadn't even considered, which I suppose is what I'm trying to find. I've had issues with my self-esteem and self-deprecation for a long time, well into my teenage years. I'm now several years into adulthood, and I don't know whether I thought these feelings would magically disappear once I turned 18, but they still seem to be an aspect of my life that holds me back in a lot of areas. I have a tendency to be quite self-critical, particularly when it comes to something creative that I've produced. I'm a writer first and foremost, but love to indulge in a bit of singing, songwriting, piano, painting... anything that involves using my brain in a creative way. I'll look back on work that I've done in previous years quite fondly but at the time, it can be difficult to recognise when I've produced a piece of work that's high quality. I suppose you'd call it some variation of "imposter syndrome", but I was updating my resume the other day and looking through my list of achievements. I've been told that it's an objectively long list spanning back to early high school, but I found myself thinking things like "I only did the bare minimum for this activity" or "this didn't take much effort, anyone could've done that one" or even "I didn't deserve this because I did it the night before". I don't quite know how to get myself out of these thinking traps. Friends and family will tell me when they think something I've done is impressive or exciting, but I have trouble recognising within myself when I have achieved something great. Not really sure what's caused this either, but I'd love to hear whether others feel the same with things, or if anyone has any stellar advice for me. Sorry for the impossibly long post, I'm quite the rambler. My love to the forum community, SB

Elizabeth Louise MHow do I stay positive during seperation?
  • replies: 4

How do I stay positive during seperation? I'm not sleeping well, disrupted sleep and not sufficient sleep. It's a cycle, not sleeping so I feel like I am drowning, emotional, unable to focus on work and just not coping. I know I need to excercise but... View more

How do I stay positive during seperation? I'm not sleeping well, disrupted sleep and not sufficient sleep. It's a cycle, not sleeping so I feel like I am drowning, emotional, unable to focus on work and just not coping. I know I need to excercise but struggling when I don't get good sleep. Im still in shock with the situation and I just can't accept the fact that my husband wants to seperate and we are in the process of selling our home to go our seperate ways. We have been up and down for 2 years and only recently after he spoke to a therapist there is a real push to follow through with seperation and sell our home. I don't want this which makes it even harder to accept. I still believe we can work things out.On the days when I have got some better quality sleep I am hopeful and positive and see the possibility that perhaps a seperation might be a positve thing and maybe in 6 months he will see things differently and we could reconcile and still save our marriage. I still love my husband so this is really hard to accept. On days when i havnt slept well I'm really not coping and feel like life is hopeless and my mind keeps trying to solve our issues and my mind is racing and I'm obsessing over him and our issues. I know I need to focus on myself and my health and the children, but sometimes i am struggling. I'm loosing my husband, my home, I can't afford to loose my job either. What can I do to help me cope better if I am not sleeping well? EL

Melancholic How to find employment when I don't fit any patterns employers are looking for?
  • replies: 2

Hello. I'm currently on the disability pension and like many others, my wallet is feeling a bit stretched. I would like to find some part-time employment for both the sake of earning some money and having something meaningful to do. My health problem... View more

Hello. I'm currently on the disability pension and like many others, my wallet is feeling a bit stretched. I would like to find some part-time employment for both the sake of earning some money and having something meaningful to do. My health problems make it impossible to fit any pattern employers are looking for. With a whole slew if issues, I am limited in the number of productive hours I have each day in addition to those hours changing day-to-day. I've engaged with Disability Employment Services (DES) to help (that process was a nightmare) however the service provider continuously requests that I apply for jobs of my own accord and doesn't seem too interested in going out of their way to find something that fits my relatively unique circumstances. I get the feeling that the DES system doesn't really understand complex mental health issues. When I look at their materials I see people with physical disabilities, visually identifiable ones such as down syndrome and more understood issues such as high-functioning autism however nothing about complex mental health. When I try to explain this to my service provider their face goes blank and they continue repeating the same script. I've come to realise that I'm going to have to start advertising myself (which will be hell with social anxiety disorder) I have worked in IT for a long time, I have skills to use; but how on Earth can I cold canvas for possible jobs when at some point I have to tell them that while I'm competent, at the same time I'm limited in the hours I can work and can sometimes be unreliable?

Ashamed H 24. And using cocaine daily.
  • replies: 13

Hi I’m not too sure where to start here. I was mainly looking for a 24 hour text/helpline but I couldn’t find any running at 3am. a brief run down of my situation, I have been using cocaine recreationally during the weekends on and of for 2/3 years a... View more

Hi I’m not too sure where to start here. I was mainly looking for a 24 hour text/helpline but I couldn’t find any running at 3am. a brief run down of my situation, I have been using cocaine recreationally during the weekends on and of for 2/3 years and didn’t feel dependent or like I couldn’t control my use. but the last 6 months has seen my use get to the point that I’m $15k in debt to some less than pleasant people. The last 2 months I’ve been using a gram a day minimum and ince I start I can’t stop until I either have no money or run out of cocaine. I feel so ashamed every time I take it and I don’t think I even feel any “buzz” or pleasure from taking the drug anymore it’s purely become a bad habit, well addiction. so far I have kept it hidden from my family and have only reached out to a few close friends but even then I feel like a burden. I want to stop. But it has such a grip on me now that it is all I care about. my two questions I have are they’re any cocaine anonymous classes in Brisbane, and should I tell my parents I need help. I haven’t told my parents due to my mothers brother dying from cocaine over dose. and I know that would break her. please anyone that can assist even if it’s a coffee and chat. I’m almost at the point where I’m close to the edge. I’m a 24 year old professional. ive got a fantastic just in finance and I’ve already been given final warnings due fo being too much of a mess - and unless I change or find help soon I can only see it with me loosing everything, job, family, car friends. somebody please I just need some guidance - and hard truth. thank you

Doolhof SLEEP
  • replies: 435

Hi All, In the past there may have been threads on sleep and how to improve our quality of sleep. I am starting this thread up and hope to include past thread titles. For some of us sleep is a real issue, the more we can learn about it the better inf... View more

Hi All, In the past there may have been threads on sleep and how to improve our quality of sleep. I am starting this thread up and hope to include past thread titles. For some of us sleep is a real issue, the more we can learn about it the better informed we will be. Funny stories on weird places you have fallen asleep are welcome as well. For me, I had just moved house and was very busy getting everything organised. Friends invited me to the drag races. I was so tired and exhausted that I sat down, leant against the fence right near the starting line and fell asleep for most of the evening. Hope to read some of your stories and tips. Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools

tjo111 Keep your head up.
  • replies: 4

@ everyone who went through a period of having no friends, who ate alone, who had a point in their life where they were too embarrassed to tell their parents they had no one to play with after school: I love you. I know it hurts and I know it’s hard ... View more

@ everyone who went through a period of having no friends, who ate alone, who had a point in their life where they were too embarrassed to tell their parents they had no one to play with after school: I love you. I know it hurts and I know it’s hard but it’s not your fault. Things will grow and change. You will find people who you click with and they will love you too. You deserve positive friendship relationships just like anyone else. And if you’re still going through this phase, you’re strong, and things will change for you too. You are not alone, there are people experiencing the same thing you are, find them, you deserve positivity and companionship. Keep your head up.

white knight Protection against doom and gloom
  • replies: 6

I feel very sorry for negative thinkers. Once you become a positive "half full" person you never look back, no matter what life throws at you, you'll pick yourself up and dust yourself off, to fight another day. This is because you accept that life i... View more

I feel very sorry for negative thinkers. Once you become a positive "half full" person you never look back, no matter what life throws at you, you'll pick yourself up and dust yourself off, to fight another day. This is because you accept that life is naturally full of the unexpected and of challenges... that never end. However, being positive doesn't mean, if you have a MI, that you dont have down times, it's how you get back up is the difference. As I've aged I've found that older people tend to talk about their illnesses both mental and physical, much more often, in fact I have two male friends on the wrong side of 70yo that constantly talk about their problems. One partner of them pulled me aside to ask me what she can do about her man talking about his woes- anxiety is always the topic but lately it goes from that to organ scans, carpal tunnel and general physical ailments then back to anxiety. How do you cope with it and decrease it? was her questions Not being of a professional level I advised her to seek therapy for him. But it raised to me the seriousness of what I was feeling with my 2 friends especially because I was no longer enjoying their company- at all. One side of me wanted to scream "but you are walking, talking, observing, laughing and eating all without aid!! "feel sorry for yourself for having no shoes until you see someone with no feet"!! and that taking 4 tablets is no different to me taking my 10 tablets, why? he asked- "because they are all taken in one swallow". Doom and gloom So, I constantly curb friends comments to try to remind them of the fight most people have- the fight of good health But in my heart I know, that attitude change, takes a lot of inner strength, discipline and determination over many years So, can I suggest to members here- work towards toning down talking about your woesask questions of your friends to take interest in their lives and good timesbecome a half full person, it's a great way to livetry to restrict your therapy to the therapist/psychit's ok to feel down and reject the company of a friend, they'd likely rather chat when you are feeling better.Thoughts?TonyWK

blondguy The GOOD NEWS Thread
  • replies: 176

Hi Everyone If you have any good news in your life or seen any good news in the media please let us know in a brief post Note: I understand and respect this thread topic is not for everyone as any level of anxious/depressive feelings are awful to exp... View more

Hi Everyone If you have any good news in your life or seen any good news in the media please let us know in a brief post Note: I understand and respect this thread topic is not for everyone as any level of anxious/depressive feelings are awful to experience Just for myself I have a couple of positives Peta Credlin on Sky News gave Beyond Blue a huge mention earlier this week My mum is still independent and doing well at 90 years of age and her lung function test is 'Normal' and still a smoker! Love you mum x any good news is welcome...and thankyou everyone for being a part of the Beyond Blue forums too! my kindest always...Paul