Staying well

Living with an angry alcholic

replies: 2

Hello allI appreciate reading other stories and feel like I am not alone.I just can’t live with my partners anger and irritability and know it has something to do with her drinking a bottle of red wine every nightshe sleeps in every day and is always... View more

Hello allI appreciate reading other stories and feel like I am not alone.I just can’t live with my partners anger and irritability and know it has something to do with her drinking a bottle of red wine every nightshe sleeps in every day and is always tired. She often retreats to her room during the day to lie down.i can’t talk about it as it just makes her hide further - I find bottles in her room and empties in the bin. I have left the room and sleep in my own room, about 5 years ago now, as I couldn’t sleep with the tension next to me and being shouted at before bed was not pleasant. I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing.Now we have a boy, 14, who is avoiding school and not leaving the house! So the stress is bigger.i can’t leave as we have two teenage boys -17 and 14 - and I live to keep supporting them each dayShe Doesn’t wake in time to have breakfast with us and leaves the dishes and the chores to me in the mornings.she doesn’t want to walk with me, she won’t do anything if I have suggested it, she won’t do housework and I am so tired of living in this mess!maybe I just have to ask her to leave! Easier said than done:) it’s her house too. They are her kids too. im sure she has anxiety and depression - she has been drinking like this for over 10years - I’m sure her work is stressful and she did her phd amongst this too - but once that was finished 3 years ago - the stress did not leave. I like bushwalking and camping - so does she and she wants to come - but she is no longer fit and strong. She does no physical exercise now. She doesn’t want to walk with me- she just doesn’t want to miss out on walking with the boys.lucky for me I walk daily with my dogs, I got to the gym with my 17 year old and we play volleyball, I go to yoga, I haven’t drunk alcohol for 18 years now. Or more. And I like to look after my sleep time as best I can. This is all very helpful for me. how can I best help her - and help myself and the boys?! it is really hard work. thankskerri

Buying a house & I'm scared not excited

replies: 6

My partner and I made an offer on a house, it was more than we had planned and it got accepted. It's only just above what we had figured out our max was, and finance shouldn't be an issue. But that's what's freaking me out, it's freaking me out that ... View more

My partner and I made an offer on a house, it was more than we had planned and it got accepted. It's only just above what we had figured out our max was, and finance shouldn't be an issue. But that's what's freaking me out, it's freaking me out that our higher offer got accepted and maybe we've paid too much. We've been looking for a little while and figuring things out like what we want to buy etc. This property has a perfect house, lots of land and it has sheds (all what we wanted). But it's more rural than I would have liked. My partner isn't worried about the commute, but I am. It's a house close to my extended family, but a house so far from the life I've built so far in the city. I thought I'd be excited that our offer got accepted, but I'm just scared. Scared I won't like living away from the city, my work, my life and my friends. Scared that we've paid too much for the house. Worried the property won't be worth anything in the future because it's rural. Worried that I'll feel isolated and restricted in what I do socially. etc. I don't know if its my mind telling me I don't want this house or if it's normal to be so scared to buy your first home.

How do you all stay positive

replies: 1

Hi guys this is my first time starting a discussion ever and I want to just ask how everyone stays positive. Recently in my life I have felt like whenever something goes right, something else immediately goes wrong, usually a medical issue. I just ha... View more

Hi guys this is my first time starting a discussion ever and I want to just ask how everyone stays positive. Recently in my life I have felt like whenever something goes right, something else immediately goes wrong, usually a medical issue. I just have been struggling to stay positive and struggling with a low self esteem and have finally worked up the courage to ask for help.

What's the best gift you've ever received? Or on your wishlist?

replies: 12

Hi, With Christmas around the corner I'm a little behind on my Christmas shopping (aka have not started and overwhelmed by choices) so I thought maybe I'd ask you all for help. Is there a Christmas present that really stuck out to you? Something fun ... View more

Hi, With Christmas around the corner I'm a little behind on my Christmas shopping (aka have not started and overwhelmed by choices) so I thought maybe I'd ask you all for help. Is there a Christmas present that really stuck out to you? Something fun you got one year? Or, if you're stuck, what's something on your wishlist? rt

How to stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism

replies: 6

I really want to reduce my wine consumption but I have so much stress and when I look back its been for years - a traumatic divorce in the 90's probably started it. Then I got embroiled in a development situation which meant I couldn't sell my house ... View more

I really want to reduce my wine consumption but I have so much stress and when I look back its been for years - a traumatic divorce in the 90's probably started it. Then I got embroiled in a development situation which meant I couldn't sell my house and my partner of 19 years took exception to it and had an affair. I kicked him out (that was 2020). Since then I've had a shoulder replacement, two hip replacements, I've had to euthanase 3 pets, I've had lawyers in to sell my house under hardship. And now I'm finally moving so its a whole other set of stressors - its a move to another town 5 hours away. I have plants to move - like hundreds! I have no family, I'm trying to do all this by myself. Its not an ordinary house move as I'm on acreage. And I'm usually really fit, I run (not allowed to on roads any more) and lift weights but its not the best right now. So its just all too much really and I can't commit to extra time commitments because I simply dont have the time.

Managing Boundaries

replies: 47

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but no... View more

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but not myself. The consequences of not anticipating and meeting other’s needs in childhood were quite severe and often involved rage being directed at me. Hence I’ve been very sensitised to others’ needs in a kind of compulsive, unconscious way. Countless times others who’ve wanted someone to meet their needs have sensed this about me and quickly attached to me but they have often then become unhealthy co-dependent situations and I’ve felt trapped. I am now in a transition phase where I am learning to unlearn this pattern. But my goodness it’s hard. With people who were being particularly exploitive with me it has been easier to leave those situations. But with others I can see their vulnerability and continue to have empathy for them. They’ve often had some kind of trauma themselves and have developed a particular attachment style. Just as I’ve developed the role of the carer/support person for others, they have developed a kind of dependency role. It’s partly because I have empathy for them that I can still struggle to set boundaries with them. I don’t necessarily want to walk away from the person and I care about them but I can find it hard getting the interpersonal boundary right. I am gradually learning the following:how to see myself and start to consider my own needs.not feeling guilty for setting a boundary.listening to my body which never lies and will feel uneasy if something is unhealthy about the way someone else is attaching to me. I used to ignore this feeling by convincing myself that everything will be fine only to end up in bad situations.feeling a higher level of assertiveness.observing how the other person reacts when I do express a need around boundaries as this is often an important indicator of whether they can genuinely see me and respect my boundary needs or whether the relationship is one-sided.I am interested to know how others may have learned to establish boundaries. I realise for some people it is second nature to take care of their own needs and boundaries while for others it’s very difficult. I just thought this might be a good topic for the Staying Well section as for me my ability to stay well has been impaired by my inability to protect my boundaries in the past. Have you had similar boundary issues and have you found ways to manage your boundaries in healthier ways? Or you may have a different set of boundary issues and dynamics to me so feel free to discuss what is relevant for you.

Hi

replies: 1

HiMe again, been doing okay, however my inner voice keeps on thinking my management at work aren't very good. I feel terrible for having these thoughts & need to find another job. They're doing their best, is what I'm trying to tell myself, they're o... View more

HiMe again, been doing okay, however my inner voice keeps on thinking my management at work aren't very good. I feel terrible for having these thoughts & need to find another job. They're doing their best, is what I'm trying to tell myself, they're only human & not gods! I suppose I'm kinda asking for forgiveness for thinking this, as I cannot ever tell them this! They'll be hurt & angry. I need to accept the thoughts & don't deny otherwise the thoughts will get worse. I'm a bad person though, for thinking this.

Re: Feeling stuck

replies: 7

Hi Emilyem, Welcome!!! Feeling stuck can be very annoying especially when you know what to do but can't seem to get out of it. It's a very natural human experience, we all feel stuck at some point in life. So, the good thing is you are not alone. If ... View more

Hi Emilyem, Welcome!!! Feeling stuck can be very annoying especially when you know what to do but can't seem to get out of it. It's a very natural human experience, we all feel stuck at some point in life. So, the good thing is you are not alone. If you don't mind me asking and if you feel like sharing, is this feeling in general or is it a particular area for e.g. career, relationships or personal growth? The most challenging process is to identify the root cause that can help you become better like is it fear of failure, scared of change, self-doubt or something else. You can also speak to your GP or a professional who can guide you in the right way (if you haven't already). In the meantime, you can try taking small steps to get you out of your "comfort zone", make the task as easy as possible on yourself. Also, be gentle with yourself and give permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Challenge any negative self-talk and surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. Whenever I feel stuck, I take baby steps to try something different and I try to focus on making little progress than achieve perfection. Don't forget to appreciate yourself for whatever you achieve no matter how small, this will motivate you to move forward. I really hope you feel better. Here for you if you feel like chatting... Take careHappylife

How to find meaning in life?

replies: 2

Hey guys, just recently moved to Australia this year, I'm currently in Year 12 and have been feeling monotonous recently, like everyday is more like a routine than having a purpose. I can't seem to find joy in what I do recently and with my friends, ... View more

Hey guys, just recently moved to Australia this year, I'm currently in Year 12 and have been feeling monotonous recently, like everyday is more like a routine than having a purpose. I can't seem to find joy in what I do recently and with my friends, I find that I have to put on a mask to pretend that everything is fine and dandy. I can't share my thoughts and feelings with them because I know that they are either not of maturity yet to handle these kind of things or they just don't want to handle emotions in general. I've tried to find some meaning by doing other things like hanging out with them, drawing or going to the gym but there's still an emptiness lingering. Has anyone been there before? Would appreciate some advice on this. Cheers.

I Contain Multitudes - Thoughts on Selves-healing

replies: 16

I had a realisation recently. As much as I've asked for it, help isn't coming. My friends and partner are busy with their work most days, I get to speak with my psychologist 1-2 times a month, and my psychiatrist every 3 months. I guess it's a good t... View more

I had a realisation recently. As much as I've asked for it, help isn't coming. My friends and partner are busy with their work most days, I get to speak with my psychologist 1-2 times a month, and my psychiatrist every 3 months. I guess it's a good thing that my selfhood is actually multiple selves, multiple persons, multiple minds flowing through this one body, because in terms of actually healing, we're on our own. We've been trying to access EMDR, support workers to safely navigate our local community, NDIS over and over again, but they haven't helped. We're on our own - and that's both empowering and terrifying. Tonight, it's definitely more terrifying. We've been sobbing a lot. It's so unfair. Our first major trauma, not counting the everyday neglect, started at 2 years old. We thought healing would be learning we could trust and depend on others, and in a way it is the case, but in a lot of ways it isn't. No one but us is here to rock our sobbing body and personhoods. How heartbreakingly lonely it is to be destroyed as a baby, and be the only one able to stitch yourself back together. And - because there's always an "and" - that's okay. Everyday is a good day to do hard things. We can hurt and still show up for ourselves. These painful feelings are just that - feelings. They're experiences within our bodyminds. They're just a piece of our reality, not the entirety.

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Living with an angry alcholic

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