Do you forgive?

[Guest_1055]

Feeling hesitant about writing this and little scared of what people will think about me, a fear of being rejected I think. Well here goes.

Just today I have been thinking about forgiveness, forgiving the people who hurt us, let us down, or bring us pain in any other way. And I think forgiving actually helps us.

So what I aim to do, as a strategy to get rid of bitterness from within me is to:

1. Grap an apple or a potato from the kitchen.

2. I am off to see what I have got, yeah I have an apple that is going soft.

3. Write on the apple or whatever you have chosen " I forgive you" and draw a smiley face, that is what I did, and it is looking right back at me now.

4. Think of that person that has hurt you, and say I forgive you....... for hurting me.

5. And then I will go to the ocean, because I live near there. Walk down to the waves, and use all my physical strength and throw the apple as far as a can. "Just let in go"

Note:  If anyone tries this strategy from beyond blue, and I come across an apple on the beach. I will toss it back in for you.

Not sure of the outcome of this strategy yet, but I will keep you posted if you would like.

Also if you are not near an ocean, maybe you could choose a paddock.

OK going to post this now, still scared of what people will think of me."Rejection"

[White_Rose]

Dear Shelley Anne

That's a brilliant action. Forgiveness is so difficult but so good for us. Forgiveness is about letting go and moving on instead of becoming bitter and sour nursing old grudges when we have forgotten what they really were about.

I have had a number of discussions about forgiveness and I think there is a post on this topic somewhere on one of the forums. Yes. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/permalink/qc9bsHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A It's interesting if short.

Or try https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/permalink/qfcTvXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

There are various opinions on forgiveness. The person should ask for forgiveness, they should atone in some way, they should deserve it. Surprisingly not many people feel that forgiveness is about the person who was harmed. It is difficult when you are experiencing hurt to put it to one side and carry on. I think this one of the benefits of therapy, being able to talk about a hurtful experience or situation until we have talked it out of our systems. Forgiveness is then much easier and the result for us is much greater peace of mind and energy as we do not need to continually agonise over the past.

Also by hanging on to hurt we are giving the perpetrator a great deal of power over us. That person controls what and how we think and I suspect that after a while totally forgets about his/her victims. The best thing we can do is to forget, or least forgive.

Great joke I heard. "Forgive your enemies. It messes with their minds."

So your symbolic gesture of throwing away your hurt and moving on is fantastic. Did you feel great afterwards?

Thanks for your comment. No rejection here only applause.

Mary

[ianken51]

Hi Shelley Anne,

 I forgave those who caused my depression and found that it was very helpful.

I guess it's part of letting go and moving forward with your life.

You never forget because the hurt is etched on your psychy. But you can forgive, let go and move on.

Writing a letter to the party expressing your hurt and forgiveness helped me no end.

Ian

[Guest_1055]

Oh Ian, I am so so glad it helped you, when you chose to forgive. I do not fully understand all this, but I am thinking when we chose to forgive a person or people that hurt us. It sort of lifts a heaviness out of our heart or something like that. And frees us up in some way.

With much kindness to you, and good on you! for choosing to forgive.

From Shelley anne

[StefT]

Hey Shelley I feel you pain of loosing someone. When you are a loving person who wanted to work through problems because you adored and believed in someone and they still left, it's devastating. Hey good on you for being loving, you are a fantastic soul. You brought love and happiness into someone's life. That's time well spent.  Now you are better equipped to find that real soul mate. 

You sound really positive in finding ways to let go of the past and moving on in your life. Techniques like you described help, do them as often as you need to. Think of it as training, it takes effort to reprogram the subconscious but please do. You don't want some failed relationship diminishing your potential for years only to get you down years later. Counseling can help or hypnotherapy can be very effective. Just remember you are number one, do what you have to do to heal and empower yourself.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mary

Thank you for not rejecting me, for I did fear this and I wondered how my topic would be welcomed here. I did copy and paste those links you posted. One of them I could relate to well, but right at this moment I cannot remember what it said, only that it affected me in a good way. So after I finish your reply, I shall read it again. 

There is a couple of sentences that you wrote that really stuck out to me. The first sentence was:

"Surprisingly not many people feel that forgiveness is about the person who was harmed. "

 Yes I think that very slowly I am realising this.That to forgive some one that has hurt you actually helps you.

Your other sentence:

  "It is difficult when you are experiencing hurt to put it to one side and carry on"

Yes when you are hurting so bad, it feels like it swallows you up. And I am thinking that your emotions are so strong, and you are so much consumed by them, it is hard sometimes to see anything else, you are so clouded up. Not sure if that makes sense or not??

Smiles to you Mary

Shelley anne

[Guest_1055]

Hello StefT

I have just finished reading you reply here, and I am wondering if you are hurting as you write. And if you are? ?Please accept my hug that I am sending to you, if you are OK please will you accept my hug anyway?

Shelley anne

[StefT]

Hey Shelley, thanks for asking. Yeah i'm hurting from a hurt from years ago that I didn't fully move on from only suppressed, too my detriment. Which is why i'm preaching if not practicing to you. Hey thanks for the virtual hug.

[Guest_1055]

Help I think the lesson of forgiving is here right now. The pain of being mis -understood, I do not want to fail this time, I do not want the bitterness and anger and me, weighing me down. The pain that no one cares about me. But I feel it now the knoring sensation it my heart. The tears. It does hurt, it does hurt. I know I am very sensitive and get hurt easily. But I do not want to hate. I forgive them for the words. Just wishing someone would wipe away the tears.

Shelley anne

[Guest_1055]

The pain is lifting now, I did not want to go to that dark and lonely place.