Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Thanks Pepper for making us think in a different way about this topic.

My VOR, thanks you for your detailed post and analysis of other people's posts, it was very well done. Luckily my inner critic is locked away or it would have viewed things differently.

I am not sure which negative comments you were referring to, but I actually thought I was being realistic. Maybe it was wen I was writing about my lack of skills, and like Nat I was just stating my limitations not being negative.

Sometimes in mywriting I may exaggerate a point for emphasis but on the whole I dont see myself as being negative.

It is interesting to know how others view us.

I have tried CBT and I use a version of my own some times but I did find it very rigid and not that helpful. As I said I am probably not as needy as my writing my appear!

I think it is kind that you are concerned.

Tim I can relate to your battle.

Nat, The way you described your VOR and IC is very much how I see mine.

Thanks everyone for this healthy discussion and thanks again pepper, for sharing your personal insights about your VOR.

I appreciate more thoughts on this topic as I feel it is worthwhile to see how other people cope and learn different strategies.

Quirky

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky and all,

Thanks so much for explaining 🙂

If if helps, I can reassure you that I don’t think you’re “needy” as you worded it. I just opted for a softer approach...just in case.

I’m glad to hear you’re doing okay. Fair enough, CBT isn’t for everyone as is the case with any other therapy. I thought that I would just mention it in case it might help.

I’m glad you have strategies in place to manage your inner critic (IC). That’s fantastic to hear. Keep up the great work.

Pepper xoxo

[quirkywords]

Thanks everyone for your reading this thread and your great posts.

It all helps us to understand our inner critic.

I am wondering if the inner critic is more vocal on a particular day of the week, at a certain time of day, or in hotter months or colder months. Another external physical factor is if e we are rundown and physically sick is our critic kinder or louder then.

I think this differs from individual so would like to find out your experience.

For me I am not a morning person so am very fragile then. Extremes of weather can make be vulnerable to my inner critic. Also being hungry makes me irritable and easily upset.

Quirky

[startingnew]

Hi Quirky

usually late afternoon is when i start to go down quite alot. i notice it happening more often than not but im not really sure of the reasoning. i use to be a morning person but since my sleep (or lack of) has gotten alot worse with most nights not sleeping more than 2 hrs its often hard to get up and my ic likes to take advantage of that. physical pain and illness is another one. also if i have an argument (no matter how small) my ic usually gets louder too.

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and everyone,

Since Ive been unwell, my inner critic is so loud, so relentless..I want, need rest. My inner critic is calling me lazy, telling me to do things that I don't even do when I'm well...I/C has been pestering me to get out of bed, clean house..ok I got out of bed. Then sat in the sun...I/c can wait for a clean house..

Can I trade my inner critic in for a new one? I just don't like or want the one I have now... I want to trade it in for a kind nurturing inner critic who understands me. In sickness or health..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Grandy

What a great question, Why don't we trade our loud critical inner critic for a kinder one. It is up to us we can do that.

So way do we keep beating up on ourselves. Why dont we give ourselves a break.?

You mentioned in another thread you were being kind to yourself and looking after yourself and making yourself special food. How come that did not last?

Thanks Grandy for your contribution.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky,

I think our inner critic has layers..I am still being kind to myself, eating properly etc...I'm not listening to my inner critic that much.. I/c has called me lazy etc. told me I should clean house, I went against inner critic and sat outside and relaxed instead... Sometimes we can win...

At times we can ignore our inner critic but at other times, I/c wins...

Grandy

[Elizabeth CP]

I think my inner critic is having a rest probably getting redy for another onslaught. At the moment I feel so low the inner critic can't make things worse. I'm too tired to be able to hear the inner critic through the fog.

[Moonstruck]

I am sure some of my earlier posts on this subject were mentioning my inner critic..what she said..how awful she was to me with her criticisms etc.....but really, I have to honestly say my IC has been very very quiet of late. Is that a good thing? I realise I haven't been taking extra good care of myself....but inner critic hasn't had anything to do with that! My inner "gentle voice" has been the only thing getting me through a very low period actually.......If IC had a go...it would just about finish me off!

No, my IC seems to shut up....(thank god)...........ps. I think I'm incredible...one of the best people I know!

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Moon,

I like your confidence you go girl.

Quirky