People say “have goals to strive for” or “work towards your dreams”,
but…what do I do when the dreams are impossible, or when I have no idea
what they look like? Right now, my Frankenstein of a goal is to “get
better”; what that means or even looks l...
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People say “have goals to strive for” or “work towards your dreams”,
but…what do I do when the dreams are impossible, or when I have no idea
what they look like? Right now, my Frankenstein of a goal is to “get
better”; what that means or even looks like, I don’t even know. I have
two hazy ideas on how to get about it, but both have massive hurdles
towards striving to them. 1) To address the house: My mum passed away
1.5yrs ago, leaving me (27m) with the family home (single parent, only
child). This place crushes me emotionally - I’ve only very recently been
able to so much as touch mum’s stuff, let alone consider removing it
from the house (donate, dispose, etc.). I live here alone, too, so that
makes it feel doubly harder: I’m isolated in what feels like a
mausoleum. My main issue with pursuing this goal is that…I don’t know
what/where to go after? Say I rent it out…I have nowhere I want to live
(past dreams say the US - not feasible right now due to past
relationships, friends say Melbourne, but…that’s their dream, not mine).
2) To take care of myself: For many years I haven’t taken care of myself
- I’ve been lazy and slovenly, no real job prospects or hobbies or
anything that really made me stand out. There are (likely) many reasons
why I didn’t, but probably the biggest one was that I didn’t have a
reason to try. I felt I was okay in my little comfort bubble. Recently,
an ex I still have strong feelings for (“love” isn’t the right word, but
it’s a short one) moved in with his partner of about 3 years.
This…pretty much popped my bubble: it made me realise that I still felt
that strongly for him, that I still wanted that dream life, and all the
rest. So, I’ve been trying to take care of myself (trying new hobbies a
bit, exercising, watching what I eat, sticking to a schedule, trying to
get work, etc.) but…every now-and-then it hits me: “This won’t result in
being in a relationship with Him”. It just…stops me in my tracks: he’s
happy, and confidently so - no matter how fit I get, nor how prodigious
I get with any/any number of hobbies…he’s gone. I don’t want someone
else; I love(d) him. Right now, the part of me that needs a reason/goal
is using something like “If you get yourself and your life together,
you’ll be able to live with him/you’ll be in the best possible position
to meet him”. It’s unhealthy, and it’s impossible…but it’s all I have
left. What do I do? Anything else just feels like it’s either a
distraction or a waste of precious time.
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