Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Thanks Quirky.   I got onto your original thread...be yourself etc...but all the entries appear to be from 2017. So no point in posting on that one is it?   Don't know how to get "newest" ones.  Thanks for being in touch.  Hope things are OK for you weather wise, fire, floods etc this time around.   Where I am in Q we have continuous dreadful heat and particularly humidity....very debilitating.  No one feels like doing or going anywhere and everyone feels the same....its been awful!   But we have missed the floods and destruction so have to be grateful for that I guess.....

[quirkywords]

Moon 

 I find with  my long threads when someone replies even after a while I reply and then often get replies.

i have a question for you and anyone reading.

Do you hav3 an inner critic whose voice can be very strong at times.

Moon I know you like yourself and have confidence but I wonder you ever have self doubt. 

take care and hopefully you have a coach who encourages you and not a inner critic. 

[Emotions26]

Hello quirkywords

I will reply even though you addressed this to Moon.

You added anyone reading.

Yes I most definitely have an inner voice that questions me.

I possibly used to see it as criticising and now through the help of therapy see it as questioning me.

Today I am going to bravely say challenging me as I learnt this morning of another loss of a good friend which I knew was coming. Hard yes.

Aside from that news I naturally talk to myself which includes questioning myself.

I think that dealing with that scenario and everyday challenges is on some days very challenging.

The fact that this is unknown and unseen to most in my world adds to the intensity.

I think that a greater part of my challenges now are not my past but contending with a society that is so fast paced it misses those who are silently struggling at times.

This might not make sense.

I am used to that though.

What are your thoughts?

Ems

[Moonstruck]

Hey there ems and quirky....just wanted to say Yes I have an inner critic...I think everyone does.  Mine hasn't been annoying me much lately....it certainly hasn't gone away but has been very encouraging and uplifting to me. Isn't that great.  Its been telling me how terrific I am, how brave and much stronger than I think.  If it gets any more complimentary to me I may become conceited.....No, not a chance of that don't worry...only joking.  Just seemed to have found the right things to say to myself that lift me up not cast me down.   Haven't a clue why Inner Critic has done this or how long it will last......"everything's OK"......love Moonstruck.

[quirkywords]

Thanks move and I’m glad you’re in a pretty it’s been quiet for awhile .

I find lately I’ve been trying to imagine what I would say to a friend .

 I find I can use positive words rather than critical words and use encouraging words and say things like oh I’m really impressed how when someone was saying something that upset you but you realise that they were having a bad day and so you didn’t get upset by what they said.

[Emotions26]

Hello Moonstruck

I say if something is working don't try to fix it.

Relish in the warmth of your own self praise and achievements.

I am still in question and answer stage.

That is good for me though as I was numb before.

I am on the move.

One foot forward at a time.

Ems

[Emotions26]

You sound quite practised at this now quirkywords.

I have removed the word critic altogether and just talk away to myself with questions and answers.

As I mentioned to moonstruck there is some improvement some of the time.

This I am content with.

Proud some of the time.

I have realised finally that I am a perfectionist in most areas of my life.

Hard to swallow that one.

Tis what it is.

Adjusting each perfectionistic moment gradually

Ems

[quirkywords]

Ems

I am not a perfectionist and I make so many typos here that I have to accept I type quickly and edit effectively. 

My coach supports me and encourages me to slow down while typing and I ignore my critic.

[Emotions26]

Hello quirkywords,

Thank you for supporting my responses to you here and elsewhere.

The fact that you are not a perfectionist is in your favour.

I too make many typing errors and often use microsoft word as I take so so long to write about what I want to say to someone. I feel as though I have to go into great detail so that they will  really understand how much I want to support a person writing on BB.

My responses might not always convey this wish. I express myself differently to most and this has caused me to have to re explain myself for the greater majority of my life.

I knew that I was a perfectionist during my working career. I have only come  to the realisation that I am in most areas of my life.This occurred  a matter of a week or so ago during one of my therapy sessions.

I am struggling with this concept actually. I am very honest to my own detriment at times and I am also a realist.

It is great that you have a coach encouraging you. Ignoring your critic is a huge achievement.

I do talk to myself and listen to what I am saying. I sometimes change my thinking and try new options. Perhaps that is similar to listening to my inner critic. 

All the best with everything.

I can now see that you are also a Community Champion so you have some huge achievements and a beautiful heart.

Take care

Ems