Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?
Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.
Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.
My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.
A number of events in
my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I
needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis
of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each
day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my
siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.
I can relate to your feelings.
Not to negate your feelings one little bit, but i can almost guarantee that your relative meant absolutely nothing by her asking if your sister could come. She probably just thought squeeze in 2 visits for the price of one. She's elderly, so perhaps not much energy and wants to make the most of a visit?
I seriously do understand your feelings though ... i would most likely reach your conclusion if i were in your shoes. We're clever the way we can conjure up the most heinous situation, not everyone can do that!
We get that from being our wounded selves. Those hurt little children who live in our hearts. Let's look after them and give them the love they deserve.
I want you to know you're heard, and i get it. But i also want to help you challenge your thoughts.
Take care of you.
Thank you for your support, much appreciated.
I know logically that she never meant anything by what she said. What threw me was how simply by saying it the way she did I was transported back to my childhood & the feelings attached. I thought I had moved past a lot my childhood pain, I know now there are still issues I need to work on.
I visited today & had a lovely time & enjoyed catching up with my sister as well.
Hello Paw 🐾..
I just wanted to call in and say hello and ask you that very important question...RUOK?.
I can relate to you been taken back to your childhood by a certain tone when your relative said something...It happens to me at times with complete strangers...and with my eldest sons visit...my mhn said that certain things said in a certain tone can trigger hidden memories to come to the surface and put our minds back to the trauma with the attached feelings....I’m sorry that happened to you dear Paws....
It hurts just as bad today as it did many years ago when it first happened...Trying to distract our feelings when this happens is hard to do but...is so very helpful to us...to get us back into the here and now...and that can be hard to find something quick enough to stop us from going down any further...
I have several grounding boxes at home..that are ready for when when I’m triggered back into the past..They do help me..I’m not saying all the time...maybe 50% off the time...I am just wondering if you have something special that helps you at times..when your not feeling so good?...
How are you today dear Paw 🐾....only if you feel like telling..no pressure lovely lady...When you feel up to it.💜..
Paw 🐾....You matter to me and I just wanted to tell you that...and I know you matter to others here as well....I’m wishing you a beautiful day today with lots of light shining in through your beautiful heart and soul..🌈..
Sending you some kind thoughts...love and hugs💖🤗..
It is so sweet of you to check in on me lass, thank you very muchly.
I'm struggling to find the words I want at times, apologies if this gets muddled..... though I'm feeling down, I am ok....it's just it feels like everything is so hard.....the littlest thing has me in tears.....most days I only get as far as the couch....with my back I can't stand for long or walk far......I know I need to keep moving or it will get worse......I need to lose a lot of weight......eat healthy....I'm scared of my memory blanks.....I'm so tired of trying & not getting better.
My fur is my best helper......he grounds me.....makes me smile....keeps me trying. I also have a few things that I use as distractions... jigsaws are one, it's the sorting of the pieces that helps.....
I keep reminding me.....I'm just down a bit... I've been here before & I got out.....I can get out again.
Sending you the biggliest hugs
Hi lovely Paws 🐾 and everyone ☺
Oh you poor love I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much.
It's very difficult isn't it with back problems. I'm really sorry Paws you're doing it so hard.
Yes they say walking helps the back which is so hard eh when in pain.
Does heat help your back at all to relax the muscles hun.
Oh darl and the memory too, it is frightening.
I'm so glad your boy keeps you grounded. They are so supportive and loving arent they.
I love your attitude that you'll pull out again which you will too.
None of this you have to do alone dear Paws. You have a spot in I imagine several hearts including mine. You're not alone here hun 🤗 I understand very well what backs can do.
I often wonder if there might be memory games on the net to help. Don't know if notes can help you with memory. Maybe a letter in the alphabet beginning with what you want to remember. Another help could be texting to yourself or alarms on the phone.
I really feel for you dear friend.
Sending you deep care friendship support and choccy 🍫. Might bring one of Grandys choc mud cakes what do you think and we can all have a nice cuppa chat and giggles.
Please talk as much as you like we're here for you too lovely. You're so lovely and help us Paws remember it works both ways ☺🐾✨⚘
Hello Paw 🐾.. and Deebi...
I feel saddening that your struggling so much dear Paws,..
Not know the right words to say..is okay Paws...it’s hard at times..I might start a reply to someone here on notes and it has at times taken hours of looking at a blank scene with a blank mind....Knowing what to say then putting into words can be very difficult when we are so much down....Please be gentle on your beautiful self Paws....with everything...weight loss, walking, mh ect...
Im sorry, I probably asked before..but I forget easily...my silly mind seems to hold on to the wrong things...I agree and am very proud of you saying “I’ve been here before..and I got out...and I can again....yes you can lovely lady...You are not only lovely in your heart..your a strong beautiful person as well...
Our furs...give us some reason...I mean who’s going to love them as much as their mummy does?....and the love and the companionship they give is is so meaningful to us...I’m so happy you have a fur child....
I liked Deebi’s idea of uscsitting around together eating it while we chatted and laughed..I made some of that wonderful fantasy come alive and made a mud cake for real today...Oh I put fresh strawberries on top of the goey thick chocolate icing....only problem now in no one but me to eat it😢...
Paws, As Deebi says...talk anytime you feel up to it...we’re both here for you as you are for us...I hope today was a better day today for you...
Kind thoughts...love and hugs💖🤗...
Hello Paw 🐾...🤗..
Im really sorry you’ve been struggling so much....
Thank you for your post at mine...and understanding me some....I will try tomorrow to reply....at mine....too hard to think...atm..
I wanted to wish you a good nights sleep..hoping it is refreshing and your dreams are peacefully beautiful....
Love and care..with some hugs💖🦋🤗..
Goodnight precious lady..
Really nice seeing you back Paws you were missed ☺ truth.
Hoping your backs giving you a lot less grief hun.
I'm very sorry hearing you're doing it so hard huns.
Same goes you have friends and support here and you're very appreciated as not only a lovely person but a great contributor.
Hold in there darls I really do believe there is ways of getting more light in our lives.
Hi to your big boy doggy.
Hello DB, Grandy,
Thank you both for your lovely posts.
I listened to my sisters & made an appointment to see a new Psych.(my old one vanished). Though I was unsure of her at first I am finding her helpful. When I started seeing her I was so far down I was scared I would slip all the way. Its nice to be able to say yes I'm still struggling, but I no longer feel I'm going to fall further. Added bonus I'm no longer crying as much as I was.
Small steps, but they are in the right direction. Keeping paws crossed it continues.