Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

You made me smile with your tale of your friend with the camera. I even chuckled when you mentioned him photographing his cat, almost all my photos are of my pets.  How wonderful that meeting you has inspired him to take up photography & that he is enjoying it so much.  I do agree with you that it is lovely being able to chat to someone with a shared interest.  

He definitely sounds like a better person to be friends with than the lady with the little dog.  Who in their right mind finds any health initiatives annoying or offensive.  Ok the anti smoking ones showing the diseased mouths etc were off putting, but they were meant to be.  Some people do leave me shaking my head in disbelief at their attitudes.  My older sister was one unfortunately.

I used to take Woofa down to the coast.  The times I gave were how long it took to get to a dog allowed beach.  I can get to the nearby coast in around 30 minutes going the long way, but the beaches near me are all closed to dogs.  Even so sometimes I would take Woofa to the nearer areas & we would walk behind the sand dunes or on the nearby trails so he still got all the wonderful sea smells.  

I don't remember what I dreamt about, I know I tried to cling onto it when I woke & the more I tried the more it slipped away.  Still it has left me in a good headspace.  Tonight for the first time in a don't know how long, I can look at the chaos that is my house without feeling overwhelmed or a failure or totally stressed.  I'm not even stressing over the fact I know it isn't a permanent change, for now it is enough.

Hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

You both seem to have found a moment of peace, which is a precious thing. No the  condition of the house is not that important, it is only convention says it has to be neat, it's not written in stone. It is simply a place to live in.

And to find someone you  have started down the path to photography and know it had been a success can be very satisfying. As in the Desiderata keeping away from certain types of people is good for the soul (that's a horrible paraphrase I know:(  I tend to do the same thing.

The Irish raconteur talking of the sheep and their foibles reminded me of something you might both enjoy, if you are not familiar with it already. Dylan Thomas' "Under Milkwood" read by Richard Burton. It is the description of the inhabitants of a small Welsh town, describing their foibles in a gentle and understanding manner.

It is available on YouTube.

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello Croix,

I am enjoying listening to Under Milkwood thank you for recommending it.  I started listening to one where Richard reads the whole tale then I spotted the BBC 1954 version with Richard as the narrator so I've switched to that.  Thankfully my internet is behaving itself enough for me to listen for a good 5 minutes at a time before it starts buffering.  I'm actually thinking my internet not behaving is a blessing in a way as it leaves me time to ponder on what I have just heard before moving on to the next bit as the imagery evoked is so detailed.  I'm about halfway through so far.

Hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws~

I'm glad you are finding Under Milkwood enjoyable and thought provoking. The difference between one's dreams and reality is something in all of us. Here is a cross section of the inhabitants of Llareggub, (if you spell the town name backwards it shows Dylan Thomas' sense of humor.

I'm glad you can be so philosophical about your NBN (No Broadband Now:( and put the pause (no pun intended) to good use.

@Eagle Ray  I would not be surprised if you found these enjoyable and a relaxing change from some of the things you have to live with

It is particularly significant for me as I grew up for a time in a Welsh seaside town which has given me the fondest memories of my youth. Some are in my Happy Memories Thread.   I also found Mr Thomas' "A Child's Christmas in Wales" to be hauntingly familiar and has much the same understanding attitude to the characters portrayed.

I find occasionally having a work that does not attempt to have a plot, but just paints a picture a restful change.

Both works are released on DVD and happily are available from my State library.

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

Paws, it’s wonderful you could look at things without feeling overwhelmed or stressed and you are certainly never a failure 🤗 Even though things can change, I hope maybe you were able to feel that for a while. The visits to the coast with Woofa sound lovely. 

Croix, I’ll listen to Under Milkwood soon. I agree that hearing the descriptions of things without a plot can often be a soothing thing. The sleep stories I’ve been listening to are mostly like that. I enjoyed reading about your memories of Wales before and will go back and look at some of the Happy Memories thread.

I’m not doing well at all. I raised a matter that was legally required to be disclosed linked to the building complex I live in which I had to do once I became aware of it. I would have been legally liable as a strata council member if I had not. It has led to bullying and threats against me. I was already struggling with severe depression. I’ve gone into a whole other zone now in terms of stress levels. I called several helplines in the last two days. It’s hard to hold myself together anymore. The last person I spoke to on Lifeline agrees I have to get out of this town. It’s going to literally destroy me if I stay. But I have little strength left to function. Right now as I’m typing this I can hear another resident saying things about me that aren’t true. She went out of her way to knock on my neighbour’s door to tell him. I’m not sure I can take anymore stress. I’ve been through more than I can take. I’ve really learned how cruel people can be. I am 100% alone with no support. I don’t know how to continue living at the moment.

Hugs,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Hello again Paws and Croix,

Just an update on my situation mentioned above to say I feel a little better tonight, just so it doesn't sound so worrying. I'm still scared and feel sick to my stomach with what I've been dealing with, but I feel a bit calmer than I did and I've talked to several people on different helplines in the last couple of days, just to keep trying to regulate myself and feel less alone. Whatever the outcome of this very uncomfortable situation, it's really clarified my need to leave this town and start a new life elsewhere. It might be the impetus to really get that ball rolling, sooner rather than later.

I hope you've both had a peaceful evening and sleep well 😴

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Oh lass you sound so very stressed & anxious.  I'm so pleased you are ringing the helplines, just hearing a supportive voice can be helpful & hopefully it is helping you to find a way to breathe.  

I'm not ignoring what you are experiencing from those who are making your life so very difficult right now, but I feel the best way I can help from over here is to sit with you in spirit & try to help you focus on the things you can control & that way we can try to push the nastiness down the queue of things taking up space in your head.  

Now these are going to be suggestions you may or may not think worth trying, I'm just throwing them out there as possibilities you might try....

Lass I see WA is in a settled weather pattern right now, could you spend most of each day out of your place, sitting somewhere calming outdoors?  As a temporary measure that would give you some definite periods of time you can view as being a safe space for & your alters to inhabit where you can focus on trying to regain some mental calmness & balance.  Grab a takeaway cuppa or fill a thermos & go sit in nature, if it rains go out in your car & park somewhere you can look out over a view.  That way you are away from the cruelty & it gives your nervous system a period it understands it can come down from hyper vigilance.  

Ring some real estate agents... get estimated sale prices (including if you don't do any work & simply sell as is)... find out how long you could expect it to be on the market before it will sell.  It is a first step... you can then decide if you are ready or feeling up to taking the next step.  It will also help to make the possibility of getting away seem more real & achievable, I know it did for me when I was struggling with issues at my old home. 

Give yourself permission to do nothing if that feels the right thing for you here & now. 

You have a wonderful imagination... let it roam. 

Grab a notebook... write down whatever comes to mind.

Spoil yourself... cook a favourite meal/get a takeaway you love.  

Explore rock pools & have fun trying to photograph the critters you find.  

I am here for you lass.

Gentle hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws,

Thank you for your lovely suggestions. I did walk to the river yesterday and went for a brief walk in the woodland across the road today, and it was that beautiful autumn weather. I noticed there was a bit of a fog this morning too. Your ideas are very helpful.

Progress is sort of happening on the legal issue. I have consented to due process being followed to correct a legally non-compliant situation but I'm yet to hear if other council members will do the same. I spoke to someone at Consumer Affairs this morning who was very helpful and said I'm doing the right thing and gave me some further info.

I am so tired I probably can't write much more. I am driving to stay in a caravan park in another town tomorrow just to have some time away. I hope I can forget about everything here. You are so right that just getting away from things that remind me of the situation and being immersed in other environments can help the hyper vigilance calm down. I've had such good people on helplines and I'm so grateful for that.

I hope you are going well. I know Victoria had some unseasonably warm weather and I think I read a cold front with possible snow is coming through next!

Thanks for being there for me 🤗

Gentle hugs to you too,

ER

[Croix]

Dear ER~

Paws has given some good advice, looking at hte matters you can control.

Being in nature has always helped, and having a camera to record moments in time has helped too, so OK, you will move, but in the meantime need doses of calm.

Croix

[Croix]

Rear ER~

We cross-posted and I'm delighted to see you are already taking the most sensible of steps.

You are not alone

Croix