Some problems about myself

[Matthew1234]

I don’t know my life will be like, I and many people agree that I have autism, I also have depression and anxiety, but I cope with it, live with it every day. I feel that I lost emotional connection with other people with time goes on. As I am going to graduate from university soon, I have a sudden realisation that, psychologically, I didn’t really grow up since somewhere in my high school, one example is when most people start dating, I stay single. When I was in high school, my old friends talked to me about relationship issues, I listened, but deep down I knew I didn’t understand it. And then I have done some odd job, got some qualifications, moved out, completed my degree, maybe do a PHD, I don’t know.

I know I have depression and anxiety, I run my everyday life, acting normal, but alone. I met some people in the university, I know that they are ready enter long term relationship, and ready to build a family. While I still enjoy anime or playing games. I do manage my everyday life and read philosophy, psychology and other books to enrich myself (I think trying to learn how to grow up from books and podcast), but I feel that socially, emotionally, I am in some kind of arrested development, and I am getting more and more isolated.  

I didn’t have a happy childhood, I thought my problem would go away as adult, I don’t know if I have a future.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Matthew1234
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we can hear you feeling very alone however we are glad that you felt safe enough to reach out to the online community this evening.
 
We want to acknowledge your resilience Matthew1234, for overcoming so many obstacles that we all to often face when living with depression and anxiety.  You have done so well in completing your studies, maintaining independence and taking steps to care for you by engaging with those activities you enjoy in your gaming, reading and learning. We do understand however how important emotional connection is with others and that loneliness does have a habit of showing up in a variety of ways.
 
We encourage you first and foremost to reach out to your GP to let them know how you are feeling Matthew1234.  In the meantime, there are many ways you can work to reduce that sense of social and emotional isolation, have you thought about joining a gaming community/club, or a local volunteer or walking group?  Sometimes, getting active or spending time outdoors can be a great way to release those happy hormones which increase your sense of wellbeing. We have included some links below that you might find helpful also in terms of managing the depression and anxiety:
 
Information on Anxiety and Depression
Managing Stress, Anxiety
Anxiety Management App
 
We also want to let you know that if ever you feel up to talking, our fully trained counsellors are also here on the other end of the line, on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat.
 
It’s great to have you here and thank you again for reaching out, it shouldn’t be too long before you hear from one of our lovely community members.  Please take care of you and remember you are never alone on this journey to better mental health.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M