So, how was your day?

[Doolhof]

I've had a busy kind of day that went very well. I have managed to work, go for a swim, had lunch in a park, enjoyed a coffee and biscuits with a client and looked at the second hand tent we have just bought ourselves.

I went down to the chook house to check on my "ladies" and had a chat with them while they clucked away waiting for me to feed them. I also had a look to see where we can set the tent up in the garden this weekend to try it out. I'm already thinking of places nearby where we can go camping. I will also ask my sister and nieces if they would like to join me sometime.

Please feel free to contribute and share how you have spent your day.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Sorry to hear your mattress went flat, sounds funny but I bet it wasn't.

l love the beach to, don't get there very often. Mum lives near the beach and I am going to visit her over Easter so will make it a point to go and have a paddle.

What a lovely thing for that man to do, complement you on your hat.

l'm not having a good time lately, feeling very down and I am so tired of being this way. I have depression, dysthymia, anxiety, PTSD. It seems never ending but I keep hanging on.

Think of me next time you go to the beach.

Bye Mrs Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Anne,

Sorry I haven't gotten back to you for ages, I haven't been spending a lot of time on the forums lately as my husband has been really quite low. Thankfully he is feeling a bit better now.

He spends a lot of time just sitting around at home as he is presently unemployed, so I have dragged him out of the house a few times.

We went for a walk in a National Park and then had a picnic. It was a great chance to chat and for him to be out of the house and getting some exercise. I also took him to the movies and for a walk around a shopping centre as it was a hot day here.

Tonight we are going to start a jigsaw puzzle. It helps me immensely to be distracted and to try different things, so I am hoping these experience3s will help my husband as well.

Just breaking with routine can help. I hope you can find different ways to make all of your issues seem less invasive.

Yes, it was funny when the mattress went down. I did put the torch on and pump the mattress up again once during the night!

I hope you do manage to get to the beach when you visit your Mum.

Now the fire season is almost over I am hoping to go camping in a National Park by myself or with my sister and niece.

Thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay.

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Mrs Dools,

Sorry to hear your hubby is feeling down, we all know how that feels. Sounds like you are doing some nice things for the both of you, well done.

I do like Jigsaw puzzles but I live in a flat and don't have the room to set one up and leave it their. I do keep busy with volunteer work and other stuff but the blues never seem far away.

My latest project is to revamp my unit, put things in it for me, colors, posters, paintings that I like.  I have removed all photos that were displayed on the wall, too many sad memories and that alone has lifted the vibes in the room. I'm not a decorator so is a difficult task, taking my time and only picking things that jump out at me. My psychologist suggested it to remove sadness from my unit.

The beach will be next weekend, I will do my best. It will be a troubled time as I have a brother with bi-polar and was my childhood abuser, he doesn't remember the abuse so often  I see him a mum's which makes it difficult for me.  It's complicated but I try my best not to let him get to me but it's hard, extremely hard.

My great constant sadness sits on my shoulder, never far away no matter what I do or how I try to challenge it, I suppose many here on BB feel the same.  My psychologist and psychiatrist are both trying there best, I am a challenge to my psychiatrist which is why I am seeing a psychologist at her request. I do what is asked of me in an effort to feel better but at times feel I will never get there then at other times feel like I have a glimmer of hope.  All very depressing in its sell.

Anyway enough.

I hope you are travelling well Mrs Dools and thank you for answering my post, most appreciated.

Hugs to you

Anne

[Doolhof]

Yesterday I had a lovely day! I had three clients to assist. I had made an Easter gift for my ladies, a little bright yellow chicken made from felt in a "nest" I plaited and sewed together with some Easter Eggs in the nest. I also had some fresh hen's eggs in an Easter bag for them.

One of my ladies loves anything to do with chooks so she was delighted with the home made chicken in a nest. You would have thought I had given her a million dollars! She had a huge smile on her face!

It made my day to see how such a small gesture meant so much to these ladies!

[Doolhof]

Dear Anne,

Hi. I like the idea of re-doing your flat over to make it feel more comfortable and welcoming. Sometimes I like to buy myself some flowers and put them on the table and that helps to brighten up our place.

You can find so many wonderful things in Second Hand shops so you don't always have to spend a fortune. A coat of paint or varnish can change and improve things as well.

I am so very sorry to read about the part your brother played in your life. That is so tragic. I had a girlfriend who had the same thing happen to her, only her brother seemed very proud of what he had done.

It must be difficult for you to see your brother now. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. Is it possible in some way to distance your memory of him when you were younger to the person he is now? Like make him two different people? I am not sure if that would help or not.

Have you ever written or drawn about how you are feeling? Is that something that has been suggested to you? Recently I have been writing about the loss of our babies and all the stuff that happened around those times, and to me it is like a huge black cloud has been lifted from me.

It is wonderful you have your volunteer work! Where do you go and what do you do if you don't mind me asking.

Regarding jigsaw puzzles, I remember years ago seeing a cloth like a large piece of felt that you could make your puzzle on and then roll it up on the cloth when you needed the table for something else.

Some libraries I have been to also have jigsaw puzzles laid out on tables for people to add to.

Next time you are at the beach, collect some shells if there are any and put them in a jar of water at home. I have some in a place away from the light (so they don't go all green!) and they look lovely.

All the best with your unit changes! I hope you find some wonderful things to add to your home!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools 

[Hopefullseeking]

Morning Mrs Dools

You sound like you have a very caring nature to make something special for your clients.  They must feel privilidged to have you attending to them.

Thank you, I never thought of looking around second hand shops for knic knacs must do so.

My brothers 'supposidly' has no memory of doing anything so I will never get closure over it, I am trying to work though this issue but have been for many years with not much success.

I have tried to write and stuff but with little success. I look at him now and think he is an old man but when he comes near me or reaches over for a hug my insides go to mush.

I volunteer at a local community centre, I help two days a week, one day on the reception desk and the other days doing computer work or anyother job.  I make up and give out food parcels, am involved in establishlishling a group for women who have been abused.  I interview clients for NILS loans (Non Interset Free Loans). do what ever is asked really.  Satisfing work.

Yeah I have heard of that jigsaw mat, must look for one. I make cards as a hobby which can be an involved exercise.

Collecting shells never thought of that, is would look nice in a clear glass container, will do that.

I am doing my best to do up my unit but finding it an overwhelming thing to do, am trying to push though this. 

My depression/anxiety is dogging me and no matter what I do nothing seems to help, how do you and others cope.

Thanks for keeping in contact with me, it helps.

Have a happy easter.

Anne

[Doolhof]

Dear Anne,

Thanks for your contact as well. All of the things you do at the centre are very inspiring. There must be so many people who benefit from all that you do for them.

Regarding the second hand shops, some of them have some real treasures in them. Some Churches have sales as well where you can also pick up some wonderful bargains.

Depression can be a difficult thing to handle. When I am feeling too overwhelmed, I make a list of the things I feel I really need to do and decided to do one of those jobs. Then I cross that off and if I have the energy I will tackle something else.

If it all becomes too much I go out and water the garden and have some time to myself, read a book, phone a friend, colour in, do a Sudoku puzzle or something to distract my mind.

With your unit, just tackle one little section at a time. Don't think you need to do it all this week. It may take you a while to find the things that you want in it. Think of it as an ongoing project...much like my garden!

I'm not sure what to suggest with your brother. I have heard that people are able to block out sections of their lives, it would be a very good thing to learn how to do sometimes!

I'm wondering if you may be able to have a sense of forgiveness in all of this. I know you will never be able to forget, but maybe a little forgiveness will help. Forgive the evil in your brother at that time and maybe you may need a sense of forgiveness for yourself.

Even though none of what happened was your fault, our minds can twist things and make us feel guilty and shame when there is no reason for it.

I felt guilty for years over the deaths of our stillborn babies, thinking it was somehow my fault and I deserved it. Once I learnt to forgive myself then I was able to let go of some of the pain.

I hope that makes sense to you.

I too wish you a happy Easter. I will be attending a dawn service Easter Sunday and will have one of my nieces sleeping over Saturday night and another one is joining us for lunch on Sunday. So I am so looking forward to the time with them.

Cheers for now and best wishes for a brighter day!

From Mrs. Dools

[Hopefullseeking]

Happy Easter Mrs Dools,

Thank you for your kindness, I do find volunteering worthy but there are days where I wish I was somewhere else but try to remind myself I am helping myself as well as others by being there.

There is a second hand shop just down the road, can't wait till they open after the holidays to go and see what treasures I can find. I am taking the task of redoing my unit slow, it was just so overwhelming I had to slow down otherwise I would have given up.

We have Sudoku puzzles in common, I love them they can be a good distraction, especially the real hard ones.  I find I don't have the concentration to read a book so stick to things that are short like puzzles.

Don't worry blocking things out isn't as hard as it seems, I have scattered memories of childhood because I have blocked out so much and this can be frustrating at times especially at family reunions as I have to keep saying I don't remember that. 

I have tried to forgive and have sort of but this weekend around my brother reminds me that he still gets to me. Its a shame as it does spoil things and brings back stuff I would rather forget.  Still I got through another visit which I am proud of.  You have hit the nail on the head mentioning guilt and shame, so much of both and I know none of it was my fault but its hard to not feel part of it.

It pains me to think that you were feeling all the blame for your stillborn babies, for me that means they were not meant to be.  I had a miscarriage but felt that child was not meant to be. I felt that maybe there was something wrong with my tiny embryo and that is why it didn't develop. You were in no way to blame, nature just took its course.

I have just been gardening, adding bromeliads to the garden both red and green ones. Trying to make it a low maintenance garden.

I hope you enjoyed the service this morning.

'Be well and upright' as a friend of mines says.

Hugs

Anne

[Doolhof]

Dear Anne,

Hi. I have been quite busy lately so have not been in touch for a few days. I had a lovely Easter. I enjoyed the Church services and also had two of my nieces here with us for a couple of days which was wonderful. We had an Easter egg hunt which was lots of fun.

I had a little giggle to myself regarding the Sudoku and the hard puzzles and how you like them because they don't take so long to do. I am not very good at the easy ones, let alone the hard ones and they take me ages to solve! Ha. Ha.

Did you manage to get to the second hand shop? I popped into one the other day for a bit of a look around. I also have one of my clients who is emptying out cupboards so I have been given a few treasures from him, including a beautiful Royal Doulton cup and saucer.

It was very hard to accept when our babies died, two reached 21 weeks gestation and an autopsy showed there was nothing wrong with them at all. I have learnt now to let go of the guilt and the shame and to release the grief as well.

I hope you can find ways to care for yourself and to let go of all the negative emotions that you still have. It is a tough journey, but it is worth it in the end.

Congratulations on being able to still see your brother and be part of the family get togethers. It must be very difficult for you at times.

Regarding memory, mine is really bad at times and I just turn it into a joke now. My nieces have quite a laugh at me when I forget what I have given them as a gift. One year a friend received three birthday cards as I had forgotten I had sent her one at all. Ha. Ha.

I commented on a scarf my sister was wearing once and I asked her where she got it from, she told me I had made it for her birthday only 4 months previously. If my memory problems become too much I will have a chat with the Dr. As long as I find my way home each day, that is the main thing. Ha. Ha.

Hope you had a lovely Easter weekend.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

I've had a great day. I found a lovely message on my email from someone asking how I was feeling. It is nice to know people care.

Looking at the clock I discovered it was already 8.30 a.m. and I should have been heading out the door to church, but I had still not had my breakfast or brushed my teeth.

By the time I arrived at Church I was running late and had totally forgot I was supposed to be reading out the notices! Oh dear!

Thankfully I remembered to fill the car with petrol as it was on empty! I then drove off to have lunch with friends. I had forgotten to buy a gift for my friend's Birthday, so thankfully the shops were open so I could purchased her a gift.

We all had a lovely chat and I remembered where I lived and made it home okay! Ha. Ha. So it was a good day!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools