Have you ever been misunderstood? When I wrote the article "guilt the tormentor" it was with the concept that those that harbour guilt are full of obligations to others, to satisfy others expectations. To release yourself from such "duty" is to free yourself and live a more relaxing life.
There is some situations however, that require more than just a defence and release approach. If the metaphor is that some people in your life are throwing rocks, that you find ways to deflect them, is there occasions that justify tossing them back? I'm not talking about revenge, I'm talking about retaliating for your own protection. After all protecting yourself is a need for many of us.
Recently I wrote about friends and family that visit constantly talking about their health issues. Nothing abnormal about that but some of us dont have the endurance to tolerate. Changing the topic can work, quietly leaving the room can but when to mention it? and how when our bucket is full?
There is always justification to protect yourself. My dear wife gets affected by talk of injured animals. Friends recently described the collision of their car with a roo. When they began the details I asked them to stop, "she will get upset", surprisingly they continued. "Oh it's just that the poor animal was....". These situations are destressing and it can result in hibernation, closing yourself off from the world.
In my thread "want to be a hermit" I described a "comfort zone", to seek out a middle ground of hermitization and normal living however with people there is only separation or toleration. It has been the case that I've struggled with the answer, if visitors wont change their conversation to respect our limits of coping then we blame ourselves. Is that right?
Ironically in my defence days post Vietnam war those returning veterans could not tolerate talking about the place they were sent to and the events. People knew that when they socialised with those veterans that the war was off limits. "dont mention the war" was a catch phrase. Hence in the RSL there are members that do talk about it and there are non members that dont become members as they protect themselves from the conversations.
How do we tolerate those that talk about distressing topics? A Firm "stop please"?
Do you have ideas on this?
TonyWK
