recovery!

[anna3]

Hey,
I'm relatively new to all this and only checked out the website this year. I just wanted to share with everyone what it felt like for me when I started to recover and get my old life back, because I remember how hard it was to imagine I went through my most recent bout of depression.

1. I can make decisions again! I no longer go food shopping and spend 20 minutes in each aisle trying to figure out what to get.
2. I notice when I do something well! I can feel pleased with myself when I finish an assignment.
3. What people might think of me no longer dictates what I do. I can chat to the friendly-looking lady on the bus and enjoy the conversation instead of wanting to escape.
4. I feel like the future is exciting again and I remember why I chose to do my course (Outdoor Education). When I was depressed I was not only feeling crap but also trying to re-plan my life around the new, unhappy 'me'.
5. I can help other people AND let other people help me, instead of feeling useless and totally reliant on my mum or dad.
6. I have energy- so much energy! I wake up and instead of the day seeming impossible it is now full of little enjoyments and happy moments. Sometimes I even stay in bed just because it's comfortable! (And not because I'm trying to hide)

These are just the things that came to me as I was writing this. There are many, many more. I would be interested to read what things you guys noticed during your last recovery, or at the moment if you are not currently affected by depression.

This movie is what made me want to write my list: http://www.youtube.com/movie/the-crash-reel -If you have a spare $6 and a couple of hours I highly, highly recommend it. It is about a 21 year old (same as me) guy who gets a brain injury from snowboarding. His judgement of what he can and cannot do is affected by his injury much the same as I found with my depression. Unlike him though, my illness was not permanent and I am now enjoying me hard-earned perspective and sensitivity to happiness.

Thinking of anyone who reads this because they are trying to escape the constant misery that is depression. You're doing it tough. Try to be gentle and understanding to yourself during this period, that is how I first found some brief relief.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Thanks anna,

There was some research done on normal, successful people and the one thing in common was they all had energy.   A typical morning routine was to be up 3 hrs before any work comittments and fitting in all the other inspirational and special stuff.

If you think about it it's true.   A depressed person, still employed, would get out of bed, say, 10 mins before work started.  There would be no space for anything extra.

Adios, David.

PS  I watched the DVD "Phar Lap" the other night and the extra effort that horse put in was just incredible.  1930 Melbourne Cup winner.   Then went on to win a sort of  'Best of the Worlds Horses' competition in Mexico before dying in mysterious circumstances.    What a heart !    Loved by the nation but also called "a freak".

[anna3]

Very true. I didn't notice that but now that you say it, when I had depression last year I kept running late for work which is very out of character for me normally.

[vip]

Hi anna3 yes totally feel the same way now with my recovery. I find doing volunteer work really helps as well you meet new people and you feel so useful and important. That commercial on tv that says act belong commit is a great one for depression sufferers .

[anna3]

Wow. This is an amazing explanation for how great I feel now, after having heaps of crap going on in my life.

 Cannot recommend it highly enough for anyone going through tough times, especially with the added pressure of a mental illness.

http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend.html?utm_content=awesm-publi...

[GraceK]

Thank you for sharing your story Anna! It would be greatly appreciated if you can share with us how you manage to recover. It will be very inspiring for lots of people.

[geoff]

dear Anna, I love your post and I am sorry that I hadn't read it early.

The brain injury this poor 21 year old chap received I can totally relate to his injuries and how it does affect your life, and add to this with having depression.

My short memory is hopeless but long term isn't too bad, but I was sacked from 3 jobs for poor performance, all relating to my injury.

It's a long story, and too long for me to say, but if any comments are made about head injuries then I will reply to them.

I am pleased that you have recovered from depression and it certainly does feel great to be on track again.

To answer Grace's question, isn't an easy one to explain, because what Anna did or myself to overcome depression could be totally different, our circumstances were probably different, and I'm not sure that you could rate to how bad your depression is, because if you have it, you have it.

We could also have have different types of anxiety, or maybe she might not have had any, she will let us know.

Personally I'm not sure that we can overcome depression 100 %, maybe 95%, because we realise the triggers that once affected us, so we have to either avoid them or learn on how to cope with them, which can do now, because our mind is able to logically think through it, as when we were depressed this couldn't be done.

I think that I tackled depression head on, but this just happened by accident, as there was an elderly friend who was working with me and he was down there visiting the black dog, so the conversation continued and I ended up looking after him, and this lead onto other elderly people.

The important part to this is that when I came home all his problems didn't enter my mind, so I cut off all communications, and this meant that I didn't have to worry about him, until I went to see him the next day. L Geoff. x

[anna3]

Thanks Grace 🙂
It is hard to say what helped me, but I was trying lots of different things. 
The main ones that come to mind are:
Anti-depressants
Time off uni
A change of scenery (went on a long camping trip)
Being reminded by my mum and dad that this isn't what I am usually like. They would describe to me how I usually was compared to what I was like during my bout of depression (as I honestly couldn't remember and was convinced it was the 'normal' me...scary hey!)
Walking. It gave me something to do and I could get into a rhythm where my thoughts were manageable. I would recommend exercising as much as you can and for as long as you can if you notice that it benefits your state of mind.

My new favourite upside of having had depression is the deep honestly I now have with my mum, dad, brother and close friends. All of my relationships have become a lot richer now that I have a new appreciation for them (see the video I posted above for an explanation on that!!) 

[anna3]

Hi Geoff,

Firstly I wanted to say that I really appreciate all you've done on this website, it's great 🙂

I didn't realise until recently the strong link between head injuries and depression. I can't imagine the effect on your life that your short term memory problems have, let alone depression on top of that! Wow.

Yeah I like what you said about "If you have it, you have it"- One of my big struggles was believing that it was in fact depression. I thought for a long time that it was just my own personal failings causing me to withdraw from my friends and family, feel terrible about myself and not be able to do uni work. If people keep suggesting you might have it then I would say- believe them. They are looking out for you more likely than "pigeon holing" to have the label "depression"- sometimes labelling is useful!!

Interesting to hear your story about your elderly friend. It is amazing how many people you see going through the same thing once you learn how to recognise the signs. I can pick people with depression straight away now (so far I've been right anyway) and while it is sad I think it is also a really important, helpful thing that you can do for someone else- if you see the suffering and know how it feels you can't ignore it, you will help them (even if it's just going up to a stranger and saying hi).

[anna3]

P.S To answer your question about anxiety, yes I did have that too. It seems that it's often part of the package of depression. For me it created a vicious cycle of feeling shit- worrying about why- worrying about what would happen to me in the future-feeling shit. Fun times haha.