Being carers of us, lets face it, our carers deserve a medal. They tolerate a lot.
However, not all carers are angels. They often are our judge though in that they have the responsibility to gauge how unwell we are, how our moods are, our depression and anxiety. What if their flaws arent within the scope of normal? We the unwell are usually not in a position to criticise and if we do it can be categorized as us over reacting or needing our meds tweeked.
One good example of this is a previous partner of mine. Our arguements came about unpredictably, in the late evenings and she'd always blame my illnesses for them. After nine years of this one night we fell out big time. Police were called and all was ok. She wanted to stay with her daughter an hour away so the police, as a matter of routine breath tested her. Three times over the limit!
It turned out that she was an alcoholic. I had no idea. I tried helping her but in the end it was not to be. With step parent issues as well it didnt work out.
What was alarming however was that on several occasions previously when a dispute occured, the next day she'd ring my psych. He'd ring me and upon her account he'd adjust my medication amount. Do you see the problem here? In her eyes it was always the fault of my illness.
We split. Eventually I remarried and never have had such issues again.
One wonders what the effect is with living with a less compatible partner? What level of reliance a psych or GP should have with our partners? What if a partner has an undiagnosed mental illness themselves? If a partner is a narcissist, our over reaction from a mentally unwell person might be the same as what a normal person would react like?
We have complex issues daily to cope with. Finding a compatible partner without mental illness isnt easy in itself let alone with one. But as mentally ill people we should also be on the lookout for being abused by carers on the basis our relationship is having problems...not because we are ill.
We are not at fault for our issues so if we are blamed for the symptoms that effect our partner be wary of that because it crosses the line of fairness.
Like dating a person that has children, dating us is a package deal. Tolerance of our symptoms is not unlike tolerance of our carers when they are irritable when they are immobile with a broken leg or the flu. Ok its more severe than that but we shouldnt pay a price for it.
Have you had problems based on being told its your illness?
Tony WK
