Handling Conflict Strategies

[Guest_1055]

Hello,

I have been thinking about conflict and how it affects us....

Its seems to be everywhere, in marriages, friendships, workplaces, between your children, media ,the whole human race if you really stop and think about it. Even world wars have been starting by conflict.

I am not sure about everyone else reading this, but I hate it and it is something I have a fear of.

The reason I think I have such a bit of a fear of it... (yes my heart starts to race sometimes when I sense conflict between humans)

Anyway a couple of reasons I may feel this fear is because I never learnt how to handle these situations when they happen. I did not see conflicts worked out while growing up because it was something to be avoided, feared, it was uncomfortable , pushed down and no life example was given. Like the "how to".

I saw no real life conflict situations handled in a healthy win win way. Yeah like the "how to" Plus there did not seem to be any arguments either.

I also feel sad sometimes when I see people hurting in any way whether physical conflict, misunderstandings , verbal conflict or whatever it is.

But I have came to the realisation that it is quite normal for there to be conflict ( I think ). We are all so different, different values, different beliefs, different personalities , different way we see and perceive issues in life.

People are going to have conflict in life, but we can choose how to respond to it. Not react out of anger, hurts or whatever . But a healthy response.

My hubby had witnessed conflict and arguments while growing up. But did not see the healthy " how to".

So it was a complete shock to me when I got married. As I didn't see any while growing up. Nor did I watch shows on tv that showed the best way to handle conflict. And I kept to myself at school...hidden in the library or in a quite spot in the play ground.

I have been learning conflict resolution at this group I go to.

The objective of this thread really is to see if any body can relate to me here. Maybe you did have heaps of conflict while growing up and even now. But have never learnt the " how to" handle it sort of thing.

Another objective would be if you have any strategies you use yourself, can you share them? Like what to you do to handle conflict?

Me.. I am a still a learner and practising to get better at it.

Shell x

[Guest_1055]

I also wanted to add if you are in a conflict situation like domestic abuse or some other type of abuse. You properly should seek more assistance. This is not the normal conflict I mean. This is down right evil done against you. And I am so sorry if you have been hurt or suffering in in this situation.

Shell x

[swtpotato]

Hi Shell,

Great thread.

A thought I had while reading your post - I am doing a class on indigenous philosophy. We had to listen to this podcast by an indigenous woman who was trying to express what society had been like pre-settlement. There is this misconception that it was a kind of 'utopia', like everyone was on good terms, very relational and community orientated etc. But she said conflict was one of the most important aspects of community, , not only that is was present, but that is a requirement of a sustainable society! Of course there was violence and disagreements. It was just handled in a different more productive way...first off by not labelling it as automatically inherently bad.

It is really difficult to handle when you can strongly feel the conflict in others around you, it makes it harder to respond responsibly... I get that too. I hate conflict.

I grew up with LOTS of conflict (by that I do not mean abuse) I have 3 brothers and sisters, it was quite chaotic. I was the mediator in arguments, always butting in to try and resolve arguments (aka yelling matches..certainly not productive in any way). Very stressful. I never win arguments because I don't see the point in being so defensive and creating conflict, I'd rather just walk away and leave them to their (wrong and misquided) opinion.

Strategies:

I listen to where they are coming from and try to understand what it is that brought them to the beliefs guiding their actions. Sometimes this helps me understand that it is vulnerability and hurt driving the anger, so I can ask what's wrong, or if something happened to let them be validated and heard, which is what they are really seeking anyway.

I can't do this when it really hits me where it hurts... like I'll get defensive like anyone else and make it all worse...

I don't know how to handle more intense conflict though... my strategy is basically avoid at all costs. Terrible at confrontation.

[Guest_128]

Hi Shell,

I am just tagging your thread.

I am not in a good space ATM ,but like it

Dory