Overcoming Social Anxiety and Developing Self-Love

[AndrewP]

In this western world we live in there comes a lot of social pressures. What you should wear, how you should act, what job you should have, what you should study, where you should be life, and even views that you should have. All of these SHOULDS have a massive impact on us, so much so that they can take us away from who we really are in essence and create a whole lot of anxiety along the way. Have the courage to take yourself away from the SHOULDS and do what you WANT to do, be who you WANT to be, in fact more to the point be WHO YOU ARE.

We have fears which drive our beliefs and affect our behaviours. There are 3 UNIVERSAL FEARS.

FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH/BEING FOUND OUT

FEAR OF NOT BELONGING

FEAR OF NOT BEING LOVED 

The fear that comes with being WHO YOU ARE goes something like; "If I were to simply be myself, would I beloved, would I belong, would I be accepted?

I can tell you that the answer is YES! When we meet someone who is living authentically and being true to themselves we find that we are drawn to these people because they give off such an energy of certainty if self and confidence. They don't turn it up for anyone or turn it down for anyone, they simply be who they are and are loved for that. One of the main reasons why we are drawn to such people is because it takes courage to put yourself out there and be who you are. I can tell you that once you experience embracing the vulnerability of being who you are you will have significant changes in your life.

Some steps to take in moving forward.

Ask yourself some great questions like:

Who is it that I THINK I NEED to be in this world to be loved, belong and accepted?

When I get anxious what is it that I'm actually worried about? (Get specific)

Who do I want to be in this world? Who am I?

What qualities do I love about others? (you will find you posses some of these qualities yourself)

When asking these questions it is important to be 100% honest with yourself, even if you don't like the answer. Don't answer how you'd like it to sound, how you think it should sound, or how you want it to be.. answer it HOW IT IS!

Develop Self-Love - look at all the positive qualities about yourself and really love them. Show yourself some compassion and give yourself a break. We are all perfectly imperfect in this world.

Develop Self-Trust - Trust who you are and know that you will live true to yourself

I have so much more so share guys so please ask questions

[JessF]

Hello Andrew, it's interesting in that those three fears all relate to judging one's self in relation to others. I've found that the true freedom lies in not doing this, in not comparing yourself to others or judging your worth on what others think of you. What do you think?

[MisterM]

It's sad when those who should love us no matter what, family, make us feel bad about ourselves for,

Working in a low paying job

Being unemployed

Not having many friends

Being single

Wearing certain clothes

Listening to certain music

Not going to church and/or being religious

Not being confident and open

Being quiet and shy

[AndrewP]

Hi Jess, yes I agree with you. Letting go of judgement in your life is an amazing thing. The 3 fears I mentioned are human behaviour and are at the core of us. All of our beliefs come from these 3 fears and we behave in ways to keep us safe from experiencing them.

[JessF]

Hello MisterM, have you experienced all those things on your list?

[MisterM]

Hi JessF,

Yes I have, from family members.

[JessF]

That's disappointing to hear. I think that all those kinds of criticisms, particularly when it comes from family, are a result of people needing to feel superior about themselves by finding "flaws" in others. And often they are projecting their own insecurities too. Criticising you for not having a faith for example, suggests that they are not so rock solid in their own beliefs.

[MisterM]

Yeah definitely agree with you.
Saw a clever quote the other day on Facebook about people who criticise and what it says about them.
Can't find it, wanted to share it here.

[GretelMW]

Hi Andrew,

I am finding that building my self-love and re-connection with who I truly am the best medicine for me. It is the only medicine that truly works for letting go of old hurts and beliefs that get in the way of me being the person I really am. 

Through listening to my body and the subtle messages it gives me I have been able to re-build a respectful, honouring relationship with myself. When my body tells me it is tired, I rest (within reason), I eat when I am hungry and try to stop when my body tells me I am full.... All the times I say 'yes' to honouring how my body feels I am saying 'yes' to my truth and to Me.

I am a lot less self-abusive in my actions and thoughts (definitely without perfection) and this is reflected in the life I am building around me and the people I am attracting, as well as the way I let people treat me. I have so much more love for myself and in my life. Being me is becoming easier and my confidence is slowly building.

Step by step, through making self-loving and self-caring choices  I am slowly transforming back into the true person I am, which I am discovering is beautiful inside and out. As Andrew is saying this is true for all of us.

With love, Gretel

[AndrewP]

Awesome stuff Gretel!