NIP IT IN THE BUD...ideas

[white knight]

One self help idea struck me like a bolt of lightning today.

I had ordered a kebab that was on special $8 which included a can of drink. One guy took my order. He asked for my name to write it on the bag and I replied "handsome" as a joke. We laughed and I sat and waited.  Then when the second guy was "assembling" my kebab I saw some carrot and asked him if he could put some on. I had assumed that as I knocked back onion then added carrot- no big deal.  The man said in a loud voice, " I will but you should have told my friend you wanted carrot when you ordered". I said "ok mate". He then repeated himself almost word for word. I repeated "ok mate". He voice even louder he repeated himself a third time. I took $3 out of my pocket and placed it on the counter right in front of him. He asked "what's this for"?  I said "a bunch of the highest quality carrots". In the next 2 minutes while he finished packaging the kebab he tried to smooth things over But I was fine, I had stopped the lecture, stopped the feeling of being trapped that was dictated by him and my anxiety. It drenched the conversation and took away his power and thrills. Previously I'd never have thought of easy ways to deal with such situations. I would have allowed this egotist to squash me then spent the day hurt and angry. His display was far over the top for the situation.

I've found that to reduce anxiety I need closure to a situation. And as quickly as I can. But in a measured way and not in a confrontational way otherwise the guilt will remain and upset the result.

I've often wondered why I love to brainstorm others. It's partly because I lack a little confidence but it is also because it makes sense to get many others opinions so you can makes choices based on many ideas and input through others eyes. If you are over confident and well...lets say arrogant, you might trip over your yourself due to not consulting others. Unless you are well qualified in a field, like a profession, then you can do so.

Do you have any other ideas, easy ideas by which you can share here that would help to deal with situations that most likely would lead to anxiety, guilt, shame or depression?

[Neil_1]

Hi WK

I loved this story and the $3 for the highest quality carrots.  Brilliant stuff.

I don't have one as such, and wonder if this qualifies, but will share anyway.  It's from an episode from Seinfeld.  Jerry has people in his Unit (as always) and his phone rings:

JS:  "Hello"

Caller:  "Hi this is XYZ, I'm from a telephone company and wonder if you're considering upgrading to long distance calls"

JS:  "Gee, I can't talk right now.  How about I take down your number and I'll call you at home".

Caller:  "Sorry sir, we don't give out our home numbers".

JS:  "I guess you don't want people calling you at home".

Caller:  "No".

JS:  "Well, now you know how I feel".    And he hangs up on him.  

I think I got it largely right - and I have done it on 3 separate occasions and it's a buzz each time.

[Mercedes]

Hi WK

I'm new to BB. Love your story about the carrotts and how you took the power from that guy. I wish I had the confidence and wit to do stuff like that. I tend to just take it and then spend the rest of the day stewing over it and letting it upset me.

I think you're right. A quick solution to the issue is what is needed ....... "An end". I hate confrontation, so avoid it all costs but this does not help my anxiety levels! if anything it just prolongs the pain!

I will note your carrot story for future reference!!! 

[white knight]

Hi Mercedes,

Thankyou for your comment. And welcome to this forum.  Tony WK

[Frann]

Hi Neil and Tony,

Just looking through some of these older posts. Interesting! Like this story, good on you Tony! I am a big avoider of confrontation . I'm getting better at being assertive though as I get older. Anyway he sounds like the "soup nazi".

Neil, coincidence- just today I was thinking about how Jerry and Elaine remain friends despite the fact they're not a couple anymore. Is that just TV? 

Thanks for your nice post Xmas Neil. Btw

Frann