new grad and work

[darkenedsun]

I'm a new grad nurse and started in the ED recently in a very busy public hospital, and I've been there a total of 6 weeks. This is my first full-time job as a full-blown RN, and I got the job 2 months after graduation so I was pretty excited. I knew it wasn't going to be all peonies and roses working as a nurse, especially not in the ED, but I feel like this job is sucking the absolute life out of me. In orientation, they told us about transition shock that happens when we go from being a student to a professional and what it means, but holy moly is this horrible. I feel like I have become obsolete, like a zombie... an angry one. I don't blow up at work but when I come home I am angry at everything. I feel like throwing sh*t when I get home from work. I don't take care of myself like I used to. I don't have the motivation or the energy to shower when I get home. I used to love skincare as a sort of self-care thing, but now I just can't give a damn. I feel like I don't have a life anymore. I barely have the energy to engage socially, like even just talk with my parents, much less friends. I forget to answer texts and calls and am starting to feel some repercussions. I get so angry, like teeth-gritting angry when I'm home. I used to love to go to the beach or just for a drive, but now I just can't be bothered. I stay at home all day on my days off, and just binge eat.. I would probably eat the entire house if my stomach could handle it, and I hate how I physically feel after, all bloated and gross. I just don't have the energy to hit the gym. I just feel so emotionally drained. I feel like an empty husk of a person. At work, it's just putting out one dumpster fire after another, with the daily trainwreck right at the end of the shift, also while averaging about 20000 steps a day while also not having time to go on a break or even drink a sip of water. Doing all this, get abused by patients and getting paid a measly amount every fortnight. I feel so nauseous and anxious every time before I go to work. I don't know, I feel so emotionally and physically depleted. I don't have anyone who would actually listen to this shit without telling me to start a business. I had one of the worst days at work so far, and right after I had handover, all I could think was, damn I hate this place (the hospital) and I hate nursing. I can't really switch careers now, and in no way shape or form would I do anything that would harm my patients. 😞

[Croix]

Dear Darkenedsun~

Welcome back and congratulations once again on getting you degree, nursing is not an easy subject, particularly in a new country.

Being put straight into ED is probably the most taxing nursing job there is. You are dealing with serious urgent matters non-stop, the work is physically very tiring and if your ED is like most public ones it is under-resourced - even in some to the extent of short notice double and quick shifts.

It would be easy to think "so this is nursing" and be put off permanently with the career. Of course that is not the case, there are all sort of nursing positions, even in the public hospital you are part of.

I would think most supervisors of DEMs know exactly the kind of place it is, and also realise the effects it can have on staff. May I suggest you have a long talk with you boss and see if there can be an arrangement where you are not so under the pump? Nurses are valued and in short supply, most hospitals will go a long way to keep their staff.

No, you are not going ot harm your patients, but equally you must not harm you either.

Croix