Merry and Bright or Bah Humbug, how do you feel about the holidays?

[Summer Rose]

As the old saying goes, Christmas comes but once a year, and judging by my trip to the mall today it has well and truly arrived. Crowds of shoppers, bustling about, looking for the perfect gift. Not all of us here on the forum celebrate Christmas but I doubt than any of us can ignore it.

The advertisers tell us this is the best time of the year. A chance to enjoy the good things in life, spend time with the family and generally eat, drink and be merry. But this simply isn't the case for everyone. The holiday and its associated activities (e.g. shopping, cooking, travelling, etc) triggers stress, sadness and depression for a lot of people. I'm one of them.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, kids and Australian family and friends and I will no doubt enjoy the holidays. But for me, Christmas is always tinged with a hefty dose of sadness, which I carry inside and try to hide. This is because my mum, my sister and her family and all of my extended family live overseas. I've lived in Australia for some 30 years and you'd think I'd be used to this by now but I'm not.

So, I'm wondering how Christmas affects you? Are you looking forward to the holiday, feeling stressed or feeling left out because it's not something you participate in? What are your strategies for protecting your mental health this festive season?

[lilly2016]

Hi Summer Rose,

Thankyou for your lovely post, I appreciate it. I really love your ideas for Christmas day, I might just do that, I might make something different, something nice and do something new, I'm Not sure how yet, but I have plenty of time to think about it.

I know I sound miserable about Christmas, it should be a time of giving, celebration, love and appreciation, but your right, it's not that way for everyone.

I don't intend on having any alcohol over Christmas, it will only cause me extreme anxiety and then a bout of heavy depression, so I need to find a drink that's both sophisticated and nice, if there is such a thing, something I should look into too, not that it is too important.

I'm hoping for a more spiritual experience this year, so I will see how I go, I really don't want to be the Christmas Grinch.

I hope everyone just gets through Christmas this year ok, if you can get through the Christmas break okay, your doing well, I have no great expectations for myself, I'm just going to focus on helping out others where I can, that brings me happiness, I will make the extra effort where I can.

I really hope you have a lovely Christmas.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Learningcurve

Thanks for your post and it's quite okay to talk about New Year's eve. There is a very similar kind of pressure to feel happy and celebrate associated with this holiday.

I always celebrate New Year's eve because I love this event. However, occasionally I have felt the same as you, as though there is nothing to celebrate because of the horrible preceding year. But I have always managed to re-frame the year. Instead of dwelling on the challenges that have got me down, I simply celebrate that I am breathing and I am here. Looking forward, I just thank my lucky stars that I have enough fight left to plough on. I don't know if this will work for you, it's just my thinking.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi Good Witch

You are definitely not a downer! You've unfortunately simply summed up what Christmas has become for a lot of us adults. A time of stress and worry, a giant headache.

Like you, I have beautiful fond memories of childhood Christmases and I work really hard to recreate this for my children and family. Again, like you, on occasion I have had to put on the "happy face" for the sake of my children, mostly because I may have been feeling homesick (my family is overseas). Luckily, most of the time, I have been able to release the fake smile and actually feel happy. This is only possible when I concentrate on what I have and don't dwell on what I don't have. It takes practice.

You don't have a great relationship with your brother. I'm sorry. I totally understand your feelings and resentment towards him. You have every right to feel the way you do. It's okay to set up boundaries to protect yourself and your family. Your plans for Christmas this year sound wonderful, so put on your blinkers on, turn off the phone and try not to worry about your brother. Enjoy your family for a change.

I think every family likely has a character like your brother. In my family it's not as serious as the situation with your brother, but I have an Aunt who is always sick and attention seeking on Christmas day. One year she actually arrived in a bath robe and hair curlers! Over time we have learned to largely ignore her. I know that sounds awful but if we don't her antics spoil the day. We let her briefly complain and then she goes off to sleep on the couch. Doesn't seem to phase her, as she always attends.

If anyone else wants to share their story about the family member most likely to lob a grenade on Christmas day, please feel free. For anyone new reading this post, we are talking about Christmas and the impact it has on our mental health, along with our strategies for coping.

[Moonstruck]

Movie quote: "if Jesus came back and saw what is being done in His name, He'd never stop throwing up!"

Amen to that..Christmas has a catastrophic even tragic impact on our mental health....yet still the hype goes on.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Lilly2016

I really liked the optimism in your post and love the idea of a special non-alcoholic drink. One of my favourites is to mix lemonade (Sprite) with cranberry juice and a slice of lemon, lime or orange and pour it all over ice. Or maybe you could make a special punch to share ... could be your something new and/or different?

I also like the idea of a spiritual Christmas. Here's hoping that you find it or that it finds you.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi Moonstruck

Thanks for joining in the conversation. Really appreciate your quote, as it sums up the general sentiment of other posters. Just curious, what was the movie?

Yes, you are spot on, the hype goes on, and on, and on. I'm sorry you feel the holiday is likely to have a "catastrophic even tragic impact on our mental health". Given we can't escape the hoopla, we have come up with many different ways to try and avoid this.

From setting boundaries with family and friends likely to negatively impact on our mental health, to preparing home-made gifts to ease financial burdens, to helping others, to visiting a local place of worship, to focusing on being kind to others (as opposed to going into debt to prove our love).

Do any of these ideas resonate with you? Or would you prefer to just opt out and stay home? Just wondering, as I also believe it's okay to opt out and avoid the struggle--unless of course that it is just going to make the situation worse.

Kind thoughts to you

[Moonstruck]

Hi Summer Rose....whew..I am glad I did not offend you with my last post...but that is how strongly I feel about this media hype stuff about the fact that the calendar says Dec 25!

Both my adult kids also hate Xmas because of the horrible ones the three of us endured because of their father....memories come back for them too, at this kind of year....so...no...none of the "coping ideas' or strategies resonate with me at all.

I wish fervently I COULD "opt out"...what really makes me furious is that others WON'T LET ME! i.e. neighbours, TV, media publications, decorations, catalogues in my letterbox, endless questions about "what am I doing for Xmas?".....this is what I hate most...other people's interference and insistence I celebrate just because of the date!!

Honestly and this is the truth...the most peaceful, relaxing "escape" I unexpectedly had a couple of years ago, was spending Xmas Day in the ED department of a hospital on a drip...due to extreme pain after a routine day exploratory surgery thing a few days before! Once they killed the pain...I was blissfully "left alone" to relax...best Christmas I can recall.......(I am being honest here, not trying to be funny)

By the way the movie was "Hannah and her sisters"..written by....you could have guessed....Woody Allen

[Summer Rose]

Hi Moonstruck

No, you didn't offend me at all. I really like it when people are honest and I can certainly understand why you and your adult children feel the way you do. I imagine the day hosts a minefield of triggers for you all. I'm really sorry that's your reality.

My first Christmas in Australia I felt similar. I just wanted to be back home with my family in Canada and was really suffering due a very strained relationship with my mother-in-law (looking back I think she was just having trouble letting go of her son but her constant interference was an unbelievable irritant). I wanted to opt out of Christmas, too.

My fantasy was to book a holiday for hubby and I and then tell all the sticky beaks with happy families and great plans who wanted to know what we were doing that, "I just couldn't say, as we were heading into witness protection"! But I caved into the pressure and "did the right thing". I did, however, buy my mother-in-law a gardening set that included a broom, which I secretly smiled about all day.

On a more serious note, I'm wondering if it's possible for you to gather your troops and just take off for the day? Maybe go to a town you've never been to or a place that holds good memories for the three of you or just go to the beach and eat ice cream. Maybe you could start your own tradition.

If anyone else has ideas for how to opt out, please let us know. For anyone new thinking about joining the conversation we are talking about the impact Christmas has on our mental health and our strategies for coping.

[Summer Rose]

Hello all

Checking in to see how everyone is doing as we race towards the big day.

As for me, I'm nursing a swollen knee and unable to walk. I injured myself yesterday and had a melt down, as I have guests arriving tomorrow to stay with us for the holidays.

Kids cleaned the house today, hubby planted in the garden and gookex

[Summer Rose]

Grrrr... hit post by mistake ...

Hubby cooked dinner and my son's girlfriend went to the grocery store for me. A Christmas miracle!

Hope everyone is travelling well