Long time sober

[BellaZlone]

hi I’ve been sober 5 years off drugs. I’ve more than ever lately been feeling tempted back to drugs as a coping mechanism. Last 6 months or so.. last week my family dog was put down. This week a close family friend whom I used to use with has come to be very unwell with cancer and in hospital. I can’t help but want to use lately this has been a push towards those feelings. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 4 years. Sober the whole time. I feel judged by him for my previous addiction. Can’t talk to him about my feelings of wanting to return to drugs. He was in a car accident 2 years ago and has drugs in his sock drawer leftover. I’m writing this instead of trying to distract him while I steal a few… I haven’t felt so tempted in my life. I need to stay sober. I’m finally in a place where I have a hope of a career and a future. I could ruin it with one decision. How bad could it be if I did? I could push away everyone then it wouldn’t affect anyone but me. I know awful but who would really care. I know a few. I need mostly to just vent but then again maybe some reassurance that this is normal after so many years sober. I can still get through it right? I feel I can only be resolved by using but I know that’s not true… 

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

I can see that you're doing the right thing and all that's in your power to stay away. It can get harder when other things are going on in your life but when you get through it, you feel better and stronger that you resisted.

You're doing really well

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome to the forums.

you have certainly been through a bit in the last while. Pets are like family. It's something I was chatting with my psychologist about today.... but that is a different story.

you even said that you came here as a distraction. I hope that it worked for you.

I do wonder if there are people that you feel that you can talk to about things that eats away at you? Like talking about the things in your post. 

Would you like to share a little more about yourself? your career? your future?

Listening... hope you will come back.