loneliness busters ?? 🌸

[loouuiiee]

heyy there I need help thinking of ideas to help me not feel so lonely & am open to pretty much any suggestions

Im 24, study full time, suffered with depression and anxiety for many years now, struggling financially atm & finding it hard to make friends as I have had a few housemates in the past who used me & abused me ... I even had to get an intervention order against one of them!

I feel safer living on my own at the moment but I have lived with various boyfriends (now ex-boyfriends) for almost 10ywars now as I was throw out by my parents when I was 15 years old. I am very dependent on my relationships & every time a relationship fails I feel extremely alone 😞

i currently do have a boyfriend, but he has family commitments which means he can't move in with me or spend time with me all the time ... and I want to learn to be more self sufficient. Its embarrassing for me to admit how much I let my happiness be dependent on the man in my life.

i want to be more independent and not let my loneliness be such a trigger for my anxiety and depression ... but I don't know where to start.

please help 💕

[BballJ]

Hi loouuiiee,

I think a lot of us have been there with the "loneliness", it's never easy to make friends especially as you get older and not a kid anymore. My first suggestion would be, is there anything you enjoy doing socially, a sport, a hobby, a craft etc, finding something like that, that you enjoy is a great first step to meeting new people, especially since you both have a common ground. How are you socially, is there any anxiety related to meeting people or in group situations?

Also, to ease the boredom, feel free to join in the BB Cafe section at any time, its a good distraction for a lot of people.

My best for you,

Jay

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey loouuiiee,

Thanks for your post.

Gosh loneliness can be a tough one and I can relate to how hard that is to go through. I'm really glad that you have recognised that it's a trigger for your anxiety and depression because that can be a tough thing to do.

I think an important thing to recognise and remember is that being lonely is not the same as being alone; we can learn to be okay in our own company. Sometimes that can just be about keeping ourselves occupied.

But since your question was about loneliness (hinting at people) - here's some ideas;-

- Look at what's available at TAFE/Uni or where-ever you are studying FT. They often have different social events, clubs, gatherings or other opportunities that are created to helping people meet and make new friends.

- Start conversations with people when you're studying. Doesn't have to be a big deal but you never know where 'hello' could lead you.

- Hobbies can be a great way to meet new people although it can be tough finding what interests you. Maybe that's a cooking class, sport club.. Often these sorts of things are really cheap especially if you find a Government funded one.

- Anxiety groups might be worth looking into; basically linking up with others who have anxiety. It depends on what area you are in of course but there's definitely a few around Australia.

- Reaching out online. It's free and you can meet some wonderful people. I've had some great conversations with people overseas that I never would have had the opportunity to do otherwise.

[rufio]

yeah i feel it

ive been organizing more things with my friends, looking for dates on apps, discovered some board game groups on fb and having my own things to do when at home. my theory is if i have more of my own stuff to focus on which makes me happy i wont be lonely when i am alone

[TiredDownOut]

Hi there loouuiiee

Are you allowed to have a pet where you are living? I've always found animals to be a great comfort when feeling lonely. Maybe a cat or a dog? Of course there is the financial consideration and the time commitment. Dogs can also be great social icebreakers when out walking or at the park.

All the best xx

[loouuiiee]

All really great suggestions 🙂 thanks guys

lately I've been demanding that my boyfriend spend most nights at my place (like he comes to my house after he finishes work) because I am the most annoying girlfriend on the planet ... but on those days when he cant because of family commitments I really feel it and I think on those days it is worse now than ever because I get used to him being there and when he cant be I feel so lost.

I am so lucky to have a bf who puts up with me (well most of the time he does) and I am so grateful to have two gorgeous pet rabbits and a turtle which I love to bits.

I think its more the silence and having no one to share a conversation with that makes me feel lonely. I have tried making friends with the girls at tafe .. they are great, but a lot younger than me. We are definitely in different stages of our lives and its always awkward when it gets to the part of people asking about my family and my past when they are getting to know me.

I feel like its really made me who I am so I cant lie about it or try and down-play the effect its had on me, but I find most people I meet either cant relate or they just kind of go 'okayyy...' and don't know what to say to me after I tell them.

I don't want to make people uncomfortable and when people meet me they say they never expected for me to have a life story like I do, I guess because I can make myself appear really happy and confident on my good days, like its a mask I wear in public to protect myself from being hurt.

I don't want the people I meet to feel sorry for me, and I have no anxiety issues in talking to people.. like I will literally talk anyone's ear off! ... unless it comes to the topic of my past and then I don't know what to say and feel like I'm going to either be judged or be pitied. I don't know which is worse!

I don't have trouble making friends but I do have trouble keeping them.

I know that your past does not define you, but deep down I assume that people will feel I'm weird or different to them (even though they probably don't). I'm just paranoid about it I guess.

Does anyone else feel the same??

People who have experienced trauma and/or abuse in their childhood and homelessness within their teenage years who are now a bit older, how do you go about relating to people, meeting new people, and making friends?

[BballJ]

Hi loouuiiee,

I can't relate to your last question as I haven't had the experience in what you were asking but I just wanted to reply and offer any advice I can in hope that it helps. You are right and your past does define you to a degree but it is up to you what you tell people about your past, if you want to keep your past in your past then that is your choice and if you don't want to tell someone everything that has happened in your life, that is your choice, not theirs. With these younger people at tafe, what is it that gets you talking to them in the first place? I understand you're at different stages in your life but at the same time, you have to have common ground being in the same course?

My best,

Jay

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey loouuiiee,

Thanks for your post.

It sounds like you have a few techniques up your sleeve and I know pets can be great company!

I completely understand wanting to have conversations with people and feeling less lonely. It can be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable when people bring up your past because often there's is much less complicated!!

I can see that you have a few masks and I think in many ways we all kind of do, even when some past's are less tricky or upsetting than others. The way I act towards strangers on the street is completely different to the way I act to my family and that's completely different to the way I act towards friends. We all kind of have these 'circles of trust' where we can learn to let certain people in. For me personally, I'll avoid talking about my past unless I truly feel like they can respect me and be okay to listen to it. I think knowing who to tell is the hardest part; but then once you find that person you know in your heart that you won't be judged or pitied. A good friend is someone who can listen to your story without judging you.

With your comment about being weird or different to them - you probably are! and so am I! But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. We'd be boring if we were all the same. We all bring different stuff to the table and that's okay.

Hope this helps,