Just A Simple Reflection.

[SourceShield]

Morning!

Simply sharing to express, rather than to seek advice.

I'm just asking questions, and your comments are always valuable...even when I'm feeling gruff.

I'm a bit of a lone wolf you see.

Thought I was tough.

I heard a tale the other day that made perfect sense to me, and I wanted to share it with you.

Just too see, what you think of it.

We all have two wolves inside of us, they are always hungry and gnash and growl at each other.

One wolf feeds on our apathy, grief, envy, fear etc...

The other, on our courage, acceptance, joy and compassion etc...

Its not the best wolf that wins the battle within, but the wolf we feed.

The question that begs to be answered of course is, what wolf am I feeding?

Courage looks different on all of us at different times of our life...

Sometimes courage can look like walking away from an abusive relationship, and sometimes its being with the person you love, even if your friends and family don't understand your sexuality.

Acceptance can look like tears of joy or tears of sadness.

I'm just writing because I was told over and over and over again to shut up as a kid, that now I just wanna talk to people...but it has to be healthy talk now.

I've been, what I now recognise as, completely and holistically unwell for all of my life so far.

But thankfully, I now believe...and know for sure that I can be healthy and well.

We all can - In whatever way that looks like for you, and for me...for everyone.

It's not an overnight process, but it does come down to a choice made in a moment.

They never told me that forgiveness is a process, but now I know and I forgive because it does actually feel good for me.

Forgiveness...is selfish, but in a good way.

I reckon.

Its saying, I'm over this kaka, and I am moving on, AND I'm growing from this experience.

It's the ultimate two-finger salute of them all!

Here's something crazy for you...

I currently have a limit of 2500 characters to use when posting - it happens for all newbies, I think, BUT my nutty HFA brain must use ALL the characters, or else it goes cuckoo-bird for a bit.

I'll make the rest of this post as painless as possible!

I'm actually taking the complete mickey out of myself, 'cause at this stage of ones life...its important to accept ones 'crazy' moments.

I have many.

Whats yours?

I have a thing with smells.

Textures...etc etc

I get that you may not want to share your 'crazy' but if you do, keep it clean and safe...

All g.

[Just Sara]

Esse'...dude!

I throw 'all' files one section at a time (alphabetically) on the floor so people have to step over me! Then sort by surname then send a memo to all staff reminding them how laborious and time consuming it was. Yeah..confronting but effective.

In the really gnarly times, I replaced old folders with new one's and redid all sections within that file. It's anal, but I was headhunted once by managers to address specific sets of files, or should I say, 100's of loose pages in boxes! My reputation was set in stone after that.

Try and find a type-o in my posts! HA!

Oddly enough though, my own files are a mess! This is a PTSD issue though...'nother story, 'nother time...oh ok..I do have some type-o's for effect.

As for childhood memories? I now use the past to assess current anxiety responses to change beliefs, behaviour and decision making. My adult has mostly taken over from my tortured child which has given much relief from symptoms.

It's like your Nan's smell; why is that info important to you? There's always a pay-off, positive or negative...you get a hit of childhood nostalgia when you smell neck napes. Ergo..it helps you identify what enjoyable feelings feel like. You can apply this info to create more 'adult functioning' ways to identify and experience that feeling. The opposite can be applied to negative behaviour/emotions. Is this making sense?

I'm beat Esse'..don't like rambling.

Later babe...Sconnor xo

[SourceShield]

Hello Rambler!

At this moment you have 666 posts.

I have a thing with numbers too...noticing numbers. HFA THING.

You made perfect sense, in fact, this was actually what I was really getting at with ALL the chem talk in your other post.

I love the whole 'chem' thing because once we understand not just why we are hooked on these chems, but more importantly why...we can then choose to manufacture the chems, in a healthy way...rather than in a destructive way.

i.e. Many men - me included, addicted to sex - its a cluster of things going on, of course, BUT - oxytocin is a HUGE HUGE part of that, knowing that for me, means that I can now seek out healthier ways, to get the hit of the oxytocin...rather than the destructive and unhealthy ways.

The same too with being hooked to adrenaline, knowing that is what you're hooked on, but seeking healthy ways to get that hit...is as you put it, an 'adult functioning' behaviour modality.

I do the same re: childhood memories from the past being used to assess current anxiety responses to change beliefs, behaviour and decision making.

And in fact believe that we dont actually have to keep going back into the past.

Whatever issues you had, if not already dealt with, will still be playing out now.

Therefore, sort the present stuff out, and the past stuff dissolves as well.

RestEasyBeautifulOne.

MuchSerenity

[SourceShield]

***that was meant to read - once we understand, not just WHAT we are hooked on, but more importantly why...we can then choose to manufacture the chems, in a healthy way...rather than in a destructive way***

[Kazzl]

I feel like I'm following you guys around like an adoring puppy, but I couldn't not join in with fellow stationery lovers. I love paper. And oh I love pens and pencils. If someone has a pen I really like, I borrow it permanently, unless they notice.

My other weird things are symmetry and straightening things. I have been know to straighten pictures in restaurants and rearrange furniture in hotel rooms because the balance wasn't symmetrical enough. People laugh, and I do too, but I honestly can't concentrate if there's a crooked painting staring at me begging to be straightened. And sometimes I straighten stuff on other people's desks too. It's a bipolar thing I reckon. Must be.

Kaz

xx

[SourceShield]

Now Kazzl...

You do know that 'borrowing something permanently'...is actually called something else, right?

You funny goose...that just cracked me up!!!.

I love it.

I'm like that with 'straightening' things too.

It actually agitates me.

I also have to get up at restaurants to straighten pics.

I was staying at a friends place and noticed that a pic was crooked.

Like some cat-burglar, I waited until 2am-ish, until all were fast asleep... to straighten the blink'n thing...weirdo!!!.

Of course, no one noticed...but at least I wasn't so agitated.

Thanks for joining us, and sharing your slice of crazy.

Impressive!.

Remind me to keep my schmancy pens, where I can see them though...

You are a champion.

BigHugs to you my eccentric friend.

MuchJoy&Kindness.

[Kazzl]

Oooohhh! I've done that at people's places too! I'm not the only one! How very excellent.

Yes, I know what borrowing permanently is called - rescuing. Good pens should be loved and cherished, not just left crookedly on some unappreciative asymmetrical desk. I save them.

And a good pen isn't always a schmancy pen y'know. Depends on whether it FETHs (falls easily to hand), is a nice colour and writes smoothly. But if I ever come to visit you it's probably best to hide them just in case.

Cheers

Kaz

xxx

[SourceShield]

RESCUING!!!

I love it.

I too have rescued many pens in the past.

I thought it may have something to do with it being a phallic thing - I have an oral fixation and have a tendency to put things in my mouth, that I probably shouldnt!

BUT - Youre 100% right.

It is the FETH FACTOR.

Youre gonna think I am a copy cat but just the other day I rescued a pen from a client.

And, it was the FETHness of it...that made me want to rescue it from its sad and unappreciated life.

Thank you for the clarity.

You Are Not Alone!

I'm still gonna hide my schmancy pens though--->>> goes off to hide pens in the safe.

NOTE:

I dont have a safe, but I might need one now!

[Kazzl]

I think we understand each other SS. 😀 👍

BTW - are you left or right handed? I'm right-handed, so I only rescue right-handed pens. I feel bad about leaving the left-handed ones behind, but y'know, what are ya gonna do? Can't save 'em all.

xx

[SourceShield]

Cheeky Monkey, You!

OhMyGod...

I am a rightie too actually BUT I have never ever considered that there could be pens crafted for the 'devils hand' as well...makes perfect sense but wow.

I'm not as completely penCrazy as YOU are...weirdo.

LovingIt.

Laughter feels good.

Have you had a good day, Kaz?

MuchLove

[Kazzl]

I have had a good day thanks SS. Managed to do something I was a bit nervous about, and managed to cope with a bit of a disappointment (unrelated) that would have sent me under a few months ago. And now I'm having fun so, yeah, good day.

Yourself?