Hi everyone, This is my first post ever. I want to share my story of recovery from anxiety and depression. That is why I joined the forum.I am 47 I suffered anxiety from a childhood experience, around the age of 6. I lived with it all thru my life. Flight or fight was a constant. Around the age of 18 I was diagnosed with depression.The combination of anxiety and depression stopped me from believing that I was capable of anything. I had dreams but I just drifted really. A life of frustration. Knowing things could be better but not knowing how to change it. Recreational drugs and alcohol have been a constant in my life, as they temporarily filled a void that had always been there. I have been on anti-depressants on and off since I was 18. I never had any self-worth. I have been suicidal in the past. The turning point? - A week ago I had conversations with a friend, 5 days to myself and i stopped drinking (partner and kids were camping). I desperately wanted things to change. My relationship with my partner has been strained for some time. I watched 2 documentaries on Netflix that I believe played a massive role in the change in me 3 days ago. The documentaries are 'Brene Brown - The Call to Courage' and 'Heal'. The day after I watched them, I sat down and said out loud to myself - 'I'm not that girl anymore. She did what she did for survival at the time. I'm not that person anymore. I release her. I am not ashamed of who I am. i am not that girl anymore. I give myself the right to be who I want to be and be my authentic self'. I cried, I released, and I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders that had been there for decades. I felt like a whole person for the first time in my adult life. I honoured myself by doing 3 things that I wanted to do, clipped my hair, I painted my nails black and I had my eyeliner tattoed on. Since that day I feel like me for the first time. I am no longer subscribing to anyone else's script of how I should look and how I should live my life. I am happy. It is an odd feeling at times because I have never felt this before. I hope my story inspires others not to give up. The bandaid effect of anti-depressants and psychology sessions was not enough for me. I had to get to the root cause and release it, and that I did. It's been a rough old road but I didn't give up and I'm so glad for that.When I look in the mirror now I love what I see. I am so grateful for what has happened to me 😉
