School's been rough for me lately; along with the amount of friends I've lost due to my other friend (Who I've talked about previously) being a terrible influence to me, and manipulating me heaps which hurt me a lot (Physically and mentally, because he'd beat me a lot if I didn't follow what he said or even if I disagreed, which lead me to feel insanely horrendous mentally.) and thankfully I've already left him, but the damage has been done already, I forgot to mention earlier but I tried to support him through everything because he was trans, and I felt that he's going through a lot, so I tried to be there for him; but he just used it as a reason to say that I'm annoying, or insanely stupid. I've never been so glad to leave him, but he felt so horrendous to be around; not because of him being trans of course (I myself am a trans ally and I know a lot of trans people in my life who I call my brothers and sisters although we aren't related, and they might not know it; but they matter a lot to me. ❤️) but because he was a horrible influence to me. Along with him, school is really rough because I'd gotten bullied a lot for simply being myself, or even being an overachiever (As described by my mom and dad :D). The popular girls and boys that bully me constantly corner me and call me explicit names, or would look at my appearance and comment on it such as "Why are you born with such an ugly face?" and they'd constantly hit my face or slam my ribs against the walls just because I don't fit their norms. They even shame me for not wearing the girl's school uniform, because it feels so strange to me. I remember when I was with my mom at the shop for school uniform; they pointed out that the girl's school uniform is much tighter and smaller, and it's either the girl's skirt (That's like a miniskirt) or the boy's shorts that come to your knees. I'd happily choose the shorts over the skirt any day. Because I was wearing the boy's uniform, under a pair of Converse sneakers. They'd also step on my shoes and punch my body because I didn't look like a "girl enough" to them; even if I was originally born as one. They'll always point out how I don't wear false lashes or fake nails because it looks uncomfortable and I said I prefer to look natural because I do a lot of hands-on work such as building Legos at home, or playing on my Nintendo 3DS. Despite all this, I still take pride in being myself; however it sucks that I can't really show it at school. For example I was playing baseball in PE class at school, I hit a home run and cheered loudly which of course, made them yell out "The hell are you cheering for?" which didn't bother me. I'm naturally a sporty and happy person, so I couldn't care less. Now despite everything, I feel happier than before because I'm back with my old friends who are happy with me being a tomboy; and the reason I'd left them before is because of my abusive friend. Now that I'm back with them, I've never had this much fun with any friend of mine before, because we constantly make new playlists together on Spotify, and make new Miis on my Nintendo 3DS together. We'll also play together in PE, which makes me happy. Now going back to how I dress, I usually wear baggy jeans with patches of animals, or etc on them and an oversized t-shirt with a long sleeve shirt underneath, paired with sneakers. I enjoy dressing this way, I definitely prefer it over skirts or dresses which make me really uncomfortable. I even wore a suit to my parent's anniversary at the city in a fancy restaurant. Nobody batted an eye and it made me feel amazing to be who I am. Along with all this, I'm also excited because it's almost 2026 and I can't believe how far I've come over the years to be who I am now. Did I mention that I'll be moving to an art school for year 10? I'm going to have a fresh start and hopefully make new friends. Along with this, I'm so thankful Beyond Blue exists; and for the people in it. Everyone is so kind and caring. Thank you so much for responding to my posts and giving me advice as well, I really appreciate it! 💗
