Cycle

[Lib]

I feel stuck in a cycle where part of me wants to take care of myself — to eat normally, feel strong, and function — but another part craves the high feeling of restricting food. That feeling makes me feel really good for a bit, and i sometimes feel like my body looks better during that phase. But the feeling never lasts. After a while i crash, i get exhausted, i have a bad mood, my gymnastics training goes to shit and I can't focus at school, plus I always end up isolating myself and binging. Then i feel gross and disgusting and start the whole thing again. I've tried other ways to replace that high feeling and to stay distracted— like sh, vaping, or taking lots of caffeine — but nothing makes me feel the same, and I've felt trapped and alone for so long, and im so tired of my shit but like I don't want to keep doing this, but idk how to stop without losing the one thing that makes me feel good for a while.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there,

thank you for being so open about what you’re going through. It takes a lot of strength to put these feelings into words, especially when you’ve been feeling so stuck and alone.

What you describe, the pull between wanting to take care of yourself and getting caught up in patterns that hurt you, is something many people who struggle with eating and self-image can relate to.

You don’t deserve to feel trapped in this cycle, and you don’t have to manage it by yourself. Support is available. The Butterfly Foundation offers free and confidential counselling and information for anyone affected by eating or body image concerns. You can call them on 1800 334 673 or use their webchat service at butterfly.org.au.

If you ever find things getting too hard or unsafe, you can also reach out to Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or to Lifeline on 13 11 14  both are there 24 hours a day to listen and help.

We’re really glad you found the courage to post here. You’re not alone in this, and you deserve care, support and kindness as you find your way forward.

Take gentle care
Sophie M