How do people make good friends?

[Little_Jane]

I am sad, partly because I don't have and close friends to talk too. Partly my current isolation by living out in a rural area. I miss my family that are over two hours away and I cant sleep. My big question is How do people make good friends?

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Little Jane,

Welcome to the forum.

Rural isolation is always a problem so far as social contact goes. I am in my early fifties so I guess that the methods of communication such as email, social media, Skype etc were not around when I was young. I don't know if they help now or if you have access to them?

Good friends are very hard to find. Anyone will "friend" you like on FB, no sincerity, effort or real commitment. The reality is that true friends that will be there when you need them are very hard to find. I have had hundreds of friends over the years but only have a handful I keep in touch with and only one I can count on. I think I'm lucky.

I am happy to talk to you on here but hopefully someone younger will chat with you. Can you find other ways to occupy your time. I often recommend volunteerism as it puts one in contact with people of similar interests.

Are you able to post a little more information about yourself? Age range, interests, aspirations?

Kind regards, John.

[Little_Jane]

Hi

Thanks for replying, I honestly didn't think anyone would.

I do work part time days but mostly nights (shift work). I am 43. I have no real future goals except to save as much as I can for the next 18 months or so for my sons impending kidney transplant. I feel like life is on hold until after this. I have signed up for the counselling on this site and waiting for a call.

As for aspirations, to be happy, to find some kind of contentment in life. If I could wake up each day thinking wow today will be great, instead of pulling up the blanket saying I don't want to face the day, that would be awesome. 

[geoff]

dear Little Jane, I'm pleased that you have contacted this site asking a very good question, because there are so many lonely people who are in exactly the same situation as you are in now, wanting friendship.

Well this friendship can be either in a face to face experience where you can go out and have a cup of coffee, or go shopping, or have friends like communicating to people like who are on this site.

I used to love having friends around to our place when I was still married, rather than going out, but that was my choice, but once depression struck I now communicate mostly with people on the net, meaning here, by phone (texting) or other ways of communication.

I do live a couple of hours from most of my family, and live in a Gippsland town/city where there are people I do see.

By working night shift will restrict your hours just like I go to bed early because of heavy medication, so again this stops me from joining everyone at the clubs etc, but I learnt to accept this, and besides I'm 60 years old, but there are many people who have to also work night-shift and go out for lunch, so what you can do is go to a club like a race club, RSL club where you can just sit down and have a lemonade or whatever and people will come up and talk to you.

There is also the option of going to a shopping centre and just sit down you always tend to meet other people, I realise that you may have to drive there, but all of this depends on how your son is, so can I just wait until I hear back from you, and please I truly mean this, because I know you must be working hard in order to help your son, so some cyber friends could be a good start and then lead onto people with other ideas. L Geoff. x

[Cymru]

Oh, Jane,when you walk out how to make good friends, please share. I imagine living in a rural location certainly would not make it easy.Then again, folk can feel isolated in the midst of urban bustle. Anyway, it is a wonderful question and there are many answers. I won't pretend to have answer for you.But if you work with a counsellor ask for this topic to be added to the top of the agenda. Oh, my standard response is to get out of our metal shell and start cycling - perhaps no an option in country areas. But what ever you do now, try to do it around others, eg, if you feel like a coffee go to a cafe instead of being at home, or movies instead ofTV. Secondly, make a habit of chatting to folk whereever you are. I got of an aeroplane today and notice an older guy with a smart hat.So I said smart hate and we chatted for a moment in in sundrenched Australia we all ought to wear hats. But whatever you do, do what works for you. You may even descide to move or travel 

[Little_Jane]

Thank you for you ideas and comments. They are appreciated. I have been thinking of joining Rotary. Not sure. I need to look into it first of course. I went to a Café that had a band on and had a nice night. Met some new people and chatted. Don't think I made any life long friends but it was nice to be out and enjoying the atmosphere. I have an appointment on Tuesday to see a counsellor. I am nervous but feel like a step in the right direction. Negative thoughts are not healthy. it is funny how I can talk to complete strangers but yet the people that are closer to me I don't want to tell them anything of my feelings. They have no idea. Is it the fear of judgement? or not wanting to burden them, or even the fear that they wont listen, mmm I think its all three for me.

I am feeling a bit better today. It will be those days home alone that I hate the most. So I think I am going to write a list of things to do those days. Instead of waking up and saying I have no idea what to do today and get in that "zone" I hope a list will give me more motivation.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Little Jane,

I am glad to hear you are trying some options. I'd be keen to hear how you appointment goes and if you pursue some outside activity.

Kind regards, John.

[Doolhof]

Hi Little Jane,

I have just been reading this thread and have enjoyed all of the posts. My husband and I moved to a rural region two years ago. I looked up on the internet through the local council to see what was available in the area.

I ended up joining the Country Fire Service, the indoor bowling club, a film evening once a month and joined a Church.

I have met a lot of people, don't have any strong friendships, but do have people who I know and catch up with now and then.

I also went to the local tourist info centre and looked at all the options available in the area like parks, walking tracks, places of interest to explore. I have made a list of places I would like to visit.

My husband and I have a lot of different interests so I do most things I enjoy by myself, so know what it is like to not have people to share stuff with. I do find though that people are quite often open for a chat.

Ask a couple of people from work if they would like to catch up for a coffee sometime or see a movie if there is a place nearby. Some people may be just as lonely as you are!

Churches quite often have different groups you may be able to join. Check out what is available with volunteering as well like John mentioned. Even if you participate once a month in something you will meet new people and learn different skills.

All the best with exploring your region and all the possibilities that are available to you!

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

[Little_Jane]

I like you idea for visiting the local tourist centre. I like walks in the national parks. My husband is usually at work when I am home and vice versa. I wonder if there are any walking groups in my area. I will have to find out.

[Cymru]

Jane, I recall my late wife being at work when I was home and visa versa; with our young children. I think we thought we were setting ourselves up for latter. In hindsight it was the dumbest thing to do as for my wife there never was latter. Nor is there now for my middle son.  But this is your decision. And only you can make it. Seek advice of your wisest people and then make a decision.