Fortress of survival part 2

[white knight]

In the original thread "fortress of survival" the theme was to build, brick by brick a barrier between you and the world that had not been built when we were teenagers. Once built you'd have a wall that you could determine if someone was trustworthy enough to allow in or destructive enough to turf out.

Ive noticed through studies that people without mental illness have additional steps that others need to take in the proving stage.

With the original fortress we either love them or reject them, that results in much hurt.

So, we should add more filters.

A stranger knocks on the fortress wall. You dont open the door! You check with your eyepiece, ask them questions and guage compatibility and trust.

Then entry to the foyer where over time you evaluate them. Then the kitchen for a meal, in a group. Then eventually the lounge. Only your soul mate visits the loft. This snakes and ladders process is implemented for your own protection.

Having mania and other illnesses can make us vulnerable. Pure honesty to everyone is like waving a flag on it written "soft touch".

Build your fortress, add a foyer to question potential friends, dont be so trustworthy and you'll protect your well being and maintain your dignity.

TonyWK

[Guest_827]

Trust is built.

It is like watering a rose.

In time It will grow.

Beautifully dangerous.

It is well in the hands of the handler.

ElevenXI

[Sunshineman_]

Beautiful analogy. Thanks WK

[white knight]

Thankyou

In an old thread I wrote "want to be a hermit" I discussed the happy mid way point between living in modern society and a hermit in the bush. Such semi isolation in a country town can provide the insulation from people yet keep us close enough to facilities.

Logic says the less people around you the less contact so the less negative influence on our lives. But it won't eliminate the hurt us sensitive people feel when conflict arises and it always comes as a surprise.

I suspect this is why some with mental disorders are scared of any contact. They open their doors to strangers only a few millimetres and say little. Very sad but I understand it.

I'm interested in what you think about isolating yourself from people. Do you find people threatening? Have you tried insulating yourself and if so how? Do you find people are nasty?

TonyWK

[Leeroyo1]

Hi,
I live in the city, but l'm originally from country Victoria.

When l was younger, l loved the city. There was so much available compared to country victoria.

But, it seems the older l get, the harder it is, especially with my mental illness.

Sometimes l wonder if l should move back to country Victoria. The cost of living is less in the country. I just feel you have to compete for everything in the city.

But....in the city there is more mental health services available.

I just get tired of dealing with people....sometimes it all feels too hard.

My mum still lives in the town l grew up in. I have thought maybe going back for a year....l really don't know.

I love the song by Simon an Garfunkel.

' l am a rock, l am an Island'

'And an island never cries.'

[white knight]

Worth trying isn't it?

I've had better mental health care in the regional areas than the city but I don't know why.

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello Tony, Leeroyo,

I think I know why Tony...

Fresher air, slower lifestyle, we get to see trees, plenty of trees in their natural environment, birds we can see them everywhere playing around and singing sweetly, smell the fragrance of the flowers, see the mountains, the cattle, sheep, llamas...crop fields...beautiful green pastures, where kangaroos and rabbits are often seen munching on the grass....the sun rising between two mountains..and the most glorious sun sets ever...It’s easier to connect with nature..

Kind thoughts with care..

Grandy...

[Leeroyo1]

Hi Grandy and White Knight,
I do miss the country. And, with lockdown l can't go visit my mum.

I just have to add that my mum suffers from a mental health issue, and she had the most amazing psych nurse looking after her case. He really helped her. But....sadly, he does not practice any longer.

I guess it's really overwhelming to have to start from scratch with a new therapist. I quess l'm just thinking about all my options.

I'm not going to make any rash decisions at the moment, but the thought is there.

Warm regards
Leeroy01.

And thanks so much .

[Succulent Queen]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for recommending this thread in response to my post on workplace bullying.

I did like your idea in Part 1 of creating a protective wall where you either let people in or turf them out. Part 2 however allows for a nice compromise on the black or white action of either keeping people in your life or turfing them back over the wall. In my own experience, when feeling alone/lonely and craving connection, it can be too easy to let the wrong types in and too hard to turf them once they've revealed themselves. At times, my need for company has been so great that I've put up with flimsy characters rather than respectfully moving on. There is what I call a half-bully in my workplace. Someone who quietly sides with me at times and then sides with the bullies at other times. This person really shouldn't be getting further than the foyer yet makes it into the lounge room because I'm so alone at work. Importantly, you mentioned dignity as this is what I lose every time I let this person in. Self dislike and shame is what I feel every time this person leaves to join the toxic group. There was also another good point where you mentioned snooker with your FIL in order to remove yourself from a foreseeable toxic encounter with your wife's auntie. I will be practicing this method of gracefully removing myself from toxic social environments in order to retain my dignity. It is something to do in all areas of life.

I hope a couple of good characters make it to the loft.

[white knight]

Hi SQ

I'm happy you've benefited from the fortress of survival threads.

I've had difficulties all my life with coping with people I find are abrasive and trying to change me own character to cope/fit in with them. That includes family members.

We should stand our ground to our needs and boundaries. It plays a part in maintaining sanity.

TonyWK