Finding an accountability partner/buddy

[liwymi]

Hello,

So I've been struggling with depression for a few months now, and even though I have family and friends around me, and I'm getting professional support, I feel like I need something extra. I really want to work on improving my daily habits and doing things that make me feel better, like sleeping on time, eating well, exercising and being social. I was thinking some sort of accountability partner or buddy relationship might help - the sort where I can organise regular check-ins to discuss goals, progress with goals and generally someone to keep accountable to. I'm hoping it'd be someone who would also want an accountability partner too so the relationship is mutually beneficial.

 So I was just wondering whether anyone hear has tried this and how it went. Did/Does it help? Any pitfalls?

Also wondering how I might be able to go about finding such a relationship. My family and friends are quite busy so I'm not sure they'd be able to meet up as regularly as I'd like. That's why I'm hoping to find someone who also needs support, so we'll be there for each other.

Any personal experience stories or suggestions are appreciated! Thanks!

[geoff]

dear Iiwymi, what you have asked is certainly not out of your reach, and it is sustainable, and there are a couple of ways, both of which are pretty well aligned to each other and these are contacting a personal trainer or a physical therapist, in that they set goals and provide feedback, and will be able to tell you of up any weakness and strengths that you are facing.

Google both of them and see what you think. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi liwymi,

Thanks for your post!

Ah an accountability partner is such a great idea. I think it should be used everywhere because we all need them!

Unfortunately we can post external links here so here's what I have to suggest otherwise:

- contacting your psychologist about finding one.  They might be aware of organisations like MIFSA or Mind that can connect you to a support worker.  It's not exactly an accountability partner relationship but they can be super useful in being there for you regularly

- linking in with a Facebook group and finding one there, such as a depression/anxiety one.  Unfortunately a lot of these are 'pick of the bunch' but I can definately see the need for it and I'm sure others will too.

- using apps/ journalling.  It's not a person (which is what you're after) but I find them personally to help a lot.  They can be great for goal setting as well as keeping you on track with everything and have little 'pop up reminders' throughout the day to keep you on track.

Hope this helps!

[liwymi]

Thanks for your response Geoff. I don't think a personal trainer or physical therapist is exactly the type of relationship I'm after right now, but thanks for the suggestion anyway!

[liwymi]

Thanks a lot romantic_thi3f!

I hadn't actually thought of a support worker or similar but I think something like that could be helpful. Because I  have times when I'm functioning a lot better and I do live with my parents, I sometimes don't think I'm 'bad' enough or 'in need' enough for that sort of thing.. but saying that, I wasn't well yesterday so it's definitely something to consider and talk about. I'm in NSW, so if I could find something like MIFSA or Mind here then that'd be great too.

For some reason I didn't consider Facebook support groups either, feel like someone of my generation should have already thought of that one, ha! But I am not well so I suppose I gotta give myself a bit of slack!

I've done some journaling and record keeping in the past, and that's been great when I've had the motivation... but I feel my problems start with motivation, haha! So even if I have alarms and reminders I usually just ignore them. I suppose what I'm hoping is that if I have an actual person to be accountable to then that'll help. Another thing I have been doing is vlogging on Youtube... that has helped a bit, but it's not as fool-proof as I was hoping.

Funnily enough I started this thread when I was feeling particularly down, but I'm feeling better today. My boyfriend has been helpful in the past with checking in with me, but not as regular as I need sometimes. He brought it up again today though and we might work out something between us that's a little more structured and therefore potentially more effective. Also, as motivation seemed to be my biggest issue, I googled 'depression and motivation' and came across the DBT 'opposite action' technique, which is something new to me. When thinking about this, and the other problem that sometimes nobody helpful is around, I also came to the decision in that if I'm really not up to doing what is good for me, then I'll give Lifeline a ring so they can just give me some understanding, respectful challenging and encouragement to 'do the right thing' right when I need it. I actually volunteer for Lifeline myself (well, I haven't been as regular lately due to my own struggles) so I've been reluctant to use the service myself due to embarrassment (the potential I'll speak with someone I know), but I've finally decided I don't care anymore - I just have to do what's best for me.

Thanks so much for your suggestions!