Fast tracking problems - anti dwelling- identifying the moment

[white knight]

I have, through natural processes, chased methods of how I can more quickly overcome roadblocks in my life. This is fundamentally due to having had a stressed life eg long relationships failing and the grief processes along with them. Over time I've grown less tolerant of that grief and become more desperate to leap frog them onto happier times. This is why I'm sharing this with you as it has saved me from much hurt.

The scenario- A long term relationship begins to fail. You've tried counselling and changes, nothing works. Your partner says they no longer are in love with you. Your natural strategy is save the relationship but you've already tried doing that with counselling... what extra counselling will you both need that would reverse this falling out of love development? Sometimes a partner will hold on forever waiting until all their issues vanish, they rarely ever do. When is the time to be realistic? Well that is subjective but as a rule of thumb there are signs that pop up regularly that tell you it can be saved or cant be saved. Eg both declaring love for each other and acknowledging outside stresses are to blame is a "can be saved" moment. A "I'm not in love with you now" is a "cant be saved" moment. Those phrases may be comments that are regretful and expressing that could go from cant be saved to reconsidering if it can be saved, but this isnt common.

I had a "cant be saved" moment in a past relationship. My partner over many years had manipulated our finances to become the number one controller of our money. I was on an allowance. By this time I wasnt happy about it and felt my easy going demeanour resulted in being taken advantage of. I was earning 3 times her salary but always treat us to equal. Then a lifelong passion arrived- to purchase a special vehicle. That car would be owned by our company so it was a tax incentive... or we pay extra tax, so it was also clever to buy. She was not a car person so rejected the idea. At one point in our discussions she made a statement- "you can have the car but you have to save for it out of your allowance". I worked it out to take 42 years. That night we talked and that moment it "cant be saved" came "well start saving". I've discussed "passions" in other threads but a passion is a burning desire and those without a passion dont have that feeling and cant relate. It was over.

So, making quick decisions saves us from more hurt and dragging out issues- nip it in the bud!. Your thoughts?

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Meant to be - you could not have put the house van thing better , btw.

But anyway yeah , kinda hope the fog clears all round really with this time out for awhile . There's certainly worser ways to spend some time that is for sure.

rx

[randomxx]

Hi there Tony.

Just thought l'd thank you and let you know l'm actually at that Nyah spot you gave me.

Left Cobram a few days ago and headed up this way. Trouble was it was getting bombarded from here on again through the holidays and l was also feeling like a change.

l thought there'd be 100s of nice spots all along just like there was up that way but l didn't find one actually and the rivers nowhere near as nice all along either so in the end wound up trying Nyah. lt's actually a really nice spot l really like it. it's got some beautiful bush and tress way down the back and all along,  and lots of tracks, tap , toilet- and it's nice and flat .

Hoping to sit out the holidays here actually now l've got a really nice spot.

Hate travels or moving about through Christmas l'd rather sit it out.

So there ya go and thanks very much for that one eh.

All the best

rx

[white knight]

My pleasure RX

Yes, I found it a nice spot. We camped last time in the open towards the river and used those 20L containers to fill water from that tap. Did 8 trips and it was then I decided to buy a water bladder. So in the same situation I'd fill the bladder 95L in the back of the SUV then fill the caravan tank and take 30 minutes less time and lifting.

I'm glad you found a calm place although all locations fill up over xmas.  I'm going to be busy finishing my trike as it has been passed by the engineer to continue on after a stability test.

Have you ever had a passion/hobby? RX

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Thanks very much Tony.

For sure but there's so much room here and so spread out, l've such a nice spot up back even if the place becomes full in a few wks l should still be fine where l am hopefully. Where as up where l was any of the good spots were mostly much smaller narrower strips saw most of them and the town too jammed full even just on wkends , so Christmas was a scary thought.

But ah right now l see what you mean too with the water. Brilliant idea no moving the van or lugging water, that'd work great might even see if l can find a bladder here. From my ute that'd just gravity feed straight into my vans inlet. My biggest drum's 29ltrs and that ain't light full as you know , l sort of don't mind but hey, l like your idea better that's a beauty.

Great news about the trike big congrats. Wondered earlier about the stability thought in might turn into a hang glider ha ha, if not right, so that's great to hear. Exiting stuff l bet gonna be great fun finishing her off over Christmas.

But yep always had passions and hobbies. l suppose earlier on horses were my main from a kid on but weird, turned around in my 30s, never bothered with horses again. Just lost interest for some reason. 

But art , kayaking, renovating and making stuff too.

Also loved doing kayaks up spent a few Christmas's myself actually, out in the shed doing up kayaks so l'll be thinking of you and the trike.

All the best

rx

[white knight]

My wife loves kayaks. Few months ago bought an inflatable one at Mildura. Packs away nicely.

Re bladder Try "country tracks"... "bcf"... "bluesky outdoor"... "swanhill disposals"

TonyWK 

[randomxx]

Ah right ok will do cheers, it'd be luxury actually to be using the van tap again.

Those inflatables are great there's some beauties out there. When you like to kayak as much as you can one of the things begins being a pain is the loading so that'd do away with that. They're far more stable too , they do rapids and all in inflatables .

l use to ride bikes too back in the day. Even thought of getting a new one when going through my divorce take my mind of things, always wanted a Triumph. Tbh though l was always pretty accident prone and so l gave them up it didn't seem to matter how l rode or how careful l tried to be .

My d didn't want me to get another bike either, knew my track record.

l know you write and love poetry too well l've usually written a myself too. So one of the things l thought l might do while l'm doing this is hand write out all my poetry and songs into a book when l'm in the mood. It's scattered everywhere in bits and pieces but l found a nice little leather covered note book and so l'm thinking l'll start putting them all into that bit by bit.

Also been designing my new place, well if l don't get a unit which l doubt l will they're too dear now.

But l want no more sheds. instead just l want the garage as just part of the house on end, enough room for 2 cars and just a few mtrs up front for a work bench and area, and that's it.

One of the things l craved leaving my old place now was just getting back to the minimal and simplicity. l just had toooo much stuff. l couldn't believe it all packing and cleaning out but l always knew it was all around and so there was always stuff and the baggage on my mind about finishing this or doing that. Not only but the looking after the property too, l just want life simple and stream lined now ha ha.- Like a caravan eh, can't get much more hassle free than that can you, l really love that part of this.

All the best.

[white knight]

We first used the kayak at Lake Barrema SA the best lake, town and on shore free camping spot ever!!! Huge lake. The kayak is a 2 man one and im 130kg, wife 100kg and it was fine, great unit.

I've designed 5 homes, 3 of which were mine. In your case the best cheapest way to make a garage is to have your pitch of your roof of the house run sideways, then order the house with an extended roof 6 metres from the wall of the house. That way it will poke out sideways and when you are ready just fill it in with hardieplank or similar and put roller doors on, presto, cheap double garage. Initially you'd only pay for the extra roof, the colourbond, sisilation, some trusses and posts. When we built this house 5 years ago I had to complete an owner builder course. Mostly online and one full day in class, they have these classes spread out. 

I made this house a roof pitch of 28 degrees. It meant I could walk in the centre of the roof cavity standing up and more pitch less leaking issues and better looking house, Common pitch is 24 degrees. Any more than 28 degrees and builders cant walk up the roof.

I incorporated many design features in this house. A toilet 1500x1100mm meant a small hand basin fits, door hinged outwards allows for a wheelchair, walk in shower, spa bath size, handles, all for old age. 

TonyWK

[randomxx]

Ah damn , not another good Tony spot. My d is in Adelaide as we speak, so that one is really really tempting. Bugger..

l'll be back

[randomxx]

Thanks for that Tony and yeah something like what l had in mind too. Even if it's just posts under the extra roof to start l can fill the walls in later when l decide what l wanna use was my thoughts.

Your still in your house then eh ? sorry thought you'd sold up and went to a unit.

Only reason l'd been thinking about a unit alternatively is bc we stay at gfx's unit in Sydney and after all the property work l've done over the yrs, tell you what it was nice to just get up ea day and have nothing to do but just enjoy the days. Go places have food baths movies sleep ins, just be together and enjoy.

l'm so use to usually having so much around the property needs doing it was such a huge change for me and a bit of an experiment too at hers and unit living.

Doubt l'd go that way though, prob build something.

Cheers

rx

[white knight]

We moved from central Victoria in 2020, sold there and build in the western district.  Highly unlikely well leave here.

TonyWK