Develop defiance, stand proud

[white knight]

I think it was Newton that realised a force is opposed with an equal force to be neutral.

So in our world if their was no equal force between countries, they would sooner or later be invaded when a tyrant comes along.

It could be argued this is "life" because it occurs too often and at all levels. A child in a sandpit gets sand kicked in his face. The bully continues until the victim decides "enough"...and counters the attack.

We as often "weaker" people struggling to cope with our lives dont welcome bullying in the mildest form. Yet we swallow it. This could be from lacking confidence, being massively outnumbered or because its not in our nature to portray such a predatory persona.

So when we are pursued the worse form of reaction we can do is to do what is natural for us and that is being submissive. To just take it. We should develop our defenses even if that means a rehearsed repetitious one.

Being defiant from ignorance is not in our nature. Here are some examples of how to balance any onslaught -

"So just snap out of it" answer "so, you've snapped out of depression yourself? I didnt know you were unwell"

"There's nothing wrong with you" "forgive me, but my psych studied for 15 years to diagnose me, how much study have you done?"

"You're just after sympathy" "its such a fine line between sympathy and compassion, most get it wrong"

"I expect you to be less disruptive tomorrow" "I hope so to, even though I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations"

"You need to take more meds" "perhaps if you took some for that statement I wouldnt need to"

Notice the vein of sarcasm needed? That needs practice. If you are like me you return home and stew over why you didnt counter that hurtful comment at that dinner party. This defiance of verbal aggression will level that playing field some like to play on and you cant level it without "hitting home" with sarcasm. And it takes only a few moments to save yourself hours of regurgitation.

Stand proud. Return the volley. Do it calmly and direct but above all else, retain your true compassionate loving and caring person you are.

And accept any forthcoming apology with grace.

Just as it is with colour of ones skin, religious choice, sexual orientation, physical disabilities and so on we deserve the right not to be treated less equal.

Be defiant when required.

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Topic: so what are their mental illnesses- beyondblue

Tony WK

[JessF]

Hello Tony, another good post. It's hard to come up with something that can stop the person in their tracks and make them think, without just being insulting and reinforcing whatever negative belief they already have abotu you. I think when I've been in situations like these, I've gotten more upset later with the "I wish I'd said X" thoughts than I ever did when i was in the actual situation. Being able to break out of the stewing about it later is something I am still working on, as well as learning not to care what others think about me.

[white knight]

Hi jessF,

I hear you. Dwelling ....time is my only healer of that. Distraction helps a bit for me.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi TonyWK

Thankyou for another great post!

I have always felt a sense of low self worth occasionally as a result of having ongoing depression/anxiety which does make us so much more vulnerable to a 'bully'

TonyWK said "We as often "weaker" people struggling to cope with our lives dont
welcome bullying in the mildest form. Yet we swallow it. This could be
from lacking confidence, being massively outnumbered"

You are so right. When we can..... 'stand proud' and return the serve....absolutely

Thanks again TonyWK. Paul

[Lolita]

Being defiant and standing up for myself and my ideas/beliefs is one of the hardest things for me. I think it comes down to low self-worth and no self-confidence.

Thank you white knight for the helpful advice and reminder that it is ok to stick up for ourselves compassionately.

[white knight]

Hi Lolita,

Yes, we never see our own rights as equal to others rights. That can make us angry when others notice our lack of confidence.

I knew a lady that had been constantly put down, an easy target in her office. She went on holidays and returned the opposite, a lady not to get off side in the slightest way. This meant she had a huge number of conflicts and harmony in her busy office suffered. She approached me about it. The only logical response was a happy medium and to befriend those that did her no harm at all rather than wait for them to rub her up the wrong way, which might not happen.

This "shield" is what comes naturally for some, not so with us that have mind issues. I was immature when young, maybe emotionally 12 at 30 years of age. So "street wisdom" never existed. It meant asking others how they protected themselves from the nasty.

This revolving door of "push that nasty one out but let that nice guy in" is what people do normally. We have to acknowledge we need the door, learn how to use it effectively and with least upheaval and become natural in the process.

Tony WK