Caught in between the matrix??

MarkJT · ‎23-10-2016

Ok so for about the last week or so i have had this strange feeling. I am well advanced in my recovery from PTSD, depression and anxiety. Still and plan to be for life medicated and exercise regularly and practice mindfulness pretty much every day. Fortunately for me I have a pretty good handle on when i am getting anxious but this is throwing me at the moment.

Currently at work i have stacks on, the office is short of members, I am acting in my bosses role whilst he is on leave so there is plenty to be stressed about but i am not feeling stressed at all. Now this is a good thing obviously but i have this strange feeling that i should be stressed and anxious but then i ask myself am i stressed? I don't think I am but then i feel really calm about everything so i cant be stressed but then my body tells me that i am feeling anxious.

The best way i can describe it is like i am stuck somewhere between the real world and the matrix - for those that have seen the Matrix trilogy. For those have not seem them, I really cant tell if i am stressing and anxious or not?

One idea that I did come up whilst chatting to a mate about it was that maybe i am just feeling so completely calm and that i haven't felt like that for about 10 years, that i have forgotten what the feeling is like to be completely calm and content with myself? Therefore i am trying to figure out whether this is a real feeling or am i anxious? So confusing but a good confusing!

Talk about confusing, if anyone reads this and isn't completely confused, then you must be some kind of genius because i have just confused myself...again!!

Thanks for reading

(Confused) Mark

BballJ · ‎23-10-2016

Hi Mark,

I did confuse me a little but that's not a problem. I actually like what your mate said... you are so at peace at the moment that you forgot how it felt, it makes a lot of sense. It's almost as if you are waiting for something to trigger your anxiety which is common in a way.. I guess you and your brain get so used to anxiety and depression it sorts of what you almost consider normal in a way. However it seems you are taking the general stresses of life (work etc) and just absorbing them and not letting them win and get you down. This to me, more sounds like a "feel good" post rather than a "not doing so well" post. It's really positive to read actually and I hope you almost are enjoying the calmness in your mind.

Just my two cents anyway 🙂

My best for you,

Jay

ahw309 · ‎24-10-2016

Hi Mark,

I get exactly where you are coming from as I've felt the same way quite a few times! I'm currently doing my HSC exams and for the first few exams, I felt extremely calm, and was just excited to get them over with, even though I expected myself to be pretty stressed.

Sometimes when I feel this way, I think it may be because instead of confronting my feelings of stress or being overwhelmed, I avoid them and push them away into the back of my mind, pretending the stressful situation doesn't exist. However, this doesn't sound like what is happening with you.

I think I agree with Jay and the friend you were talking to. It's probably just confusing as you are used to your prior feelings of anxiety, and you think you'd normally be quite stressed in the more demanding situation you are currently in, but you're not (which is great). I think it's a little bit of a changed mindset and a result of your great work in recovering.

Though its hard, I would try not to analyse how you feel and why you feel this way too much, and just enjoy the calm! If you are getting done everything you need to do, then I think you are doing great. 🙂

All the best and take care!

CMF · ‎24-10-2016

Hi Mark,

i have experienced the same. I was using natural bush essence drops from a health food store. I felt calm, very relaxed but my mind was still running a little fast, my heart beating a litter quickly. I explained this to the girl in the health food store and she suggested the same - that maybe I'm not used to the feeling of "just being".

i agree with Jay. Try and go with it, and well done!

cmf

geoff · ‎24-10-2016

hi Mark, no it's not really confusing after you read it a couple of times, but now you have been put into bosses role you take it as being in a position where you you can't get anxious or stressed, because you have people under you that need to take orders and direction so there is no room for the boss to become fluctuanted or unstable, because what would happen if you do, the business would go haywire and belly up.
Take someone who has to lift a car out of rising water, they get an extra amount of strength which they never knew they had, nothing else matters, their mind goes to a higher level, but what I am worried is when your boss does return and I don't want you to crash back into your hole. Geoff.

MarkJT · ‎24-10-2016

Jay - yes it most certainly a positive post. Your on the spot with i am waiting for things to go pear shaped again but that is not something that is guaranteed of happening. Just have to get used to this feeling, continue doing the small things right.

AHW309 - I am definitely enjoying the calmness that is for sure. Good luck with the exams. Must be a very stressful time for you. Hope you are coping well.

CMF - tell me more about the natural bush essence drops?

Geoff, i wont be falling into a hole once the boss is back. Plenty of work to do and I challenge myself to operate on a higher level anyway.

Thanks all for your replies - appreciate it.

CMF · ‎24-10-2016

Hi Mark,

they are called Australian Bush Flower Essences. You can google this and you'll see there are different ones depending on what you want them for. For example calm and clear is for impatience, rushing and worrying. Confid is for low self esteem, lack of conviction, victim mentality.. emergency is for panic distress and fear. There are about 12 different ones. You place 7 drops under the tongue morning and night.

health food shops have them and possibly pharmacies.

they are natural so could be worth a try.

cmf

MarkJT · ‎24-10-2016

CMF, thanks for that. One thing that i was determined to do when first diagnosed was try anything to get better again. Hadn't heard of these before so will look into it. I like the one with impatience, yep i certainly need more patience!!

Thanks again

Mark.

CMF · ‎24-10-2016

Pleasure Mark, while you're at the health food store look for vitamin b8 (inositol). If you read up,on it it's for anxiety and again a natural product.

cmf