So much changes when you get an official diagnosis of a mental illness. Prior to that moment, you are in the fast lane at a speed set by society and your engine has a faulty cylinder- you cannot keep up but in your effort to, the spiral worsens- you fall into the mattress of medical help.
Expectations is a cruel thing. When younger it is ok for others to have such expectations so we grow within boundaries set, so we end up decent people. When we can no longer function fully as adults, we fall behind those minimal requirements- we strike trouble. We can lose our job, suffer marriage loss, full time parental loss, lose our self esteem and other consequences.
One process I found to get a grip on all this is acceptance. Acceptance is a huge word and that goal begins with finding your capacity of ability based on your current situation. It is counter productive to base it pre mental illness as it is to base it in others expectations- your capacities is to cap your limits just below the (new)- overflow line.
Lets take a young adult that has dropped out of higher education. For years expectations were to complete uni/tafe, slot into a high paying job and fulfill dreams of travel and success. Realisation of a mental illness can thwart all of that so a process of reset has to take place. But the world still spins, bills need to be paid and inevitably getting a job that feels far below your capability is disappointing. Thoughts of what could have been can haunt you adding to your turmoil.
It is essential, for the process of nurturing your mental health, to determine your capacities. If you are no longer capable of a task it might not be that way forever. If your expectations remain as they were prior to a meltdown then you can be your own worse enemy.
Take a breath, re-assess, set new limits, discard expectations and seek back to basics existence until you are ready for new challenges. Now you’re nurturing your mind - no different than the process of caring for a broken limb that might not even function how it once did.
TonyWK
