BULLYING

white knight · ‎09-05-2015

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my psych and good friends on how to respond.

I've been a target of bullying for near 10 years now. Forums havent been around long in the scheme of things and if you are an up front person with some vulnerability, the chance a predator will spot you, hone in on you and harrass you is high. My usual reaction to these people was- throw a rock back at them immediately and fume for days, constantly logging in and waiting for another response so I could reply with more rock throwing....after all (I'd think to myself) he needs to be taught a lessen. I'm right here and he is wrong.

The best response would have been to ignore the bully....as everyone says...but that was never enough clout for me. This time, two days ago I would put that to the test.

A female member of the car club I'm a member of, has had a simmering dislike for me. That's ok, that happens with a few hundred members. I've been aware of it from others telling me and have tried to tread softly on the clubs Facebook page. Out of the blue she posted a nasty comment levelled at me. Now, since I've had a few bullying members and that I havent handled them well, I have a mentor. Yep, 59yo large strong guy with heaps of experience in life...has a lady that I call my "parole officer"....labelled as such by me in a joking manner that she adores. My mentor read the comment and suggested that the bully would be seen as the aggressor.

nother member, unaware of the connitations of the bully's intent posted a cartoon that shows Charlie Brown laughing alongside his dog Snoopy, also laughing. So I posted a reply...."is that cartoon of me and my dog". Not only had I ignored the bully's nasty remark I'd caused many members to laugh at my own post thereby swaying attention away from the bully's statement. It worked. Several posts following these comments and all were responding to my comical post.

The bully has gone quiet. People didnt give her the attention she craved. She was "out of line". She will lose popularity as time goes by if she continues to hold a grudge. The committee have contacted me individually to acknowledge how well I handled it.

Bullying hurts us. We can be really sensitive at times and feel we have our backs to the wall. Dont feed the sharks.

Tony WK

HA1 · ‎09-05-2015

Thanks for your post WK!

It is really good advice. But it got me thinking. What proportion of people who suffer anxieties and depression would attribute the illness to bullying, whether that would be in your formative years or in adulthood? Or is it more of a trigger to an illness that you are already genetically or otherwise susceptible to?

Hmm, I will ponder.

K

Zan · ‎09-05-2015

Hi Tony -- now if only that same strategy could be applied to road rage, every driver on the roads would be so much happier.

When I lived and worked in the city I slowly found myself joining the ever growing numbers of road ragers -- all pushed for time, all frustrated in heavy traffic, all angry with the person doing 80kmh in a 100kmh zone ... or the person behind so far up my tail pipe it seemed by the view of my rear view and side mirrors that he had somehow managed to attach his vehicle to mine --- and those *&%^ idiots that weave from one lane to the other and then brake hard right in front of you as they squeeze themselves in --- aaaaarrrrgghhhhhhhh!

Needless to say it was one of the contributing causes of stress ... and eventual mental breakdown --- and pushed me in the direction of remote rural living in order to escape the mass psychopathy of city living.

Am I a more peaceful driver today? Um -- have to admit it but road rage is a hard habit to break .... especially if trapped behind a tourist doing 40kmh on a winding double line country road while admiring the scenery and the speed limit is 100kmh ... and meanwhile the growing queue of locals who know the road simply want to get into town asap and out of town asap.Do they pull over? NO! Do they speed up? NO!

Yes I know --- breath deep ... push a Buddhist New Age ambient CD into the player, count to ten ---- BUT concentrate like heck because they're also just as likely to brake and stop their car in the middle of the road just to take a photo of the Mt Warning or the Border Ranges or Nimbin Rocks ... or a 3 metre carpet snake lying on the other side of the road! Ahh - what to do, what to do?

Zan · ‎09-05-2015

Hi Hideaway --- I think it's a contributing factor, not a causal factor. But enough of the same incidents over and over and over would definitely take it from being a contributing factor to a causal factor. Such is the nature of traumatic events.

Melissa_ann · ‎13-01-2017

I wish I could have followed your advice me on the otherhand when it comes to online, I get quite fiesty and that defiantly hasn't helped in the longrun. A very wise person once told me not to feed the trolls and there was a good reason for that!

white knight · ‎14-01-2017

Hi Melissa Ann

To err is human. Many if us with mental emotional issues are playing catch up with learning.

You have insight. Its a gift.

Tony WK

Becstar · ‎30-03-2017

Hi Tony,

Ignoring a bully/troll is a definitely a better course of action than giving them attention. DELETE. DELETE, DELETE no one wants to read a bullies comments. Of course if someone has some constructive criticism, well that is a different story!

Greyy · ‎10-04-2017

Thanks for sharing this WK.

One virtue of getting older is that I am better at holding back and not feeding trolls.

It reminds me of my favourite Charlie Brown strip. He is sitting at Lucy's Psychiatric Booth, and she demands her 5 cents. Charlie Brown responds " You've got me thinking twice before I say nothing".

white knight · ‎10-04-2017

Very appropriate script greyy

Tony WK

Miss_T · ‎02-02-2018

It's hard to know whether to ignore or stand up to a bully. I tend to be none-confrontational so ignore but am still left thinking that if I've let the bully get away with their actions, they will continue. I have tried asserting myself with abusers on a few occasions but it just stoked the flames, the situation escalated and the bully won as they had allies and were not above telling outright lies about me. I have tried involving someone else but, as with the school playground, nobody seems to be interested in someone who tells tales.