ANGER -> are you reactive or mindful when responding to people? *New members are very welcome to contribute

[Just Sara]

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol)

Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak?

These are important questions about anger and especially rage. I'm sure everyone who visits these forums will have at some point in their lives experienced out of control reactions or even 'inaction' that they regret or question afterwards. Eg..."Why didn't I say anything?" or "I shouldn't have said anything."

Personally, I'm no stranger to the effects of reactive anger. It took me many yrs to address and finally defeat as an ineffective and damaging personality trait. I still struggle sometimes, but more times than not, I deal with it productively.

Anger's a normal animal/human reaction for survival. It goes hand in hand with Fight or Flight responses to keep us safe and alive. What modern society's done though, is create confusion, denial and fear in understanding what a 'threat' actually is.

There are so many 'rules of engagement' outlined in our laws and cultural niceties, we're stifled trying to identify when a 'real' threat is immanent and, how to approach matters effectively...nature vs nurture.

I think this is a discussion we really 'need' to have. It plays into our recovery and how we want to live our lives in peace with confidence.

Are you known as an angry person, a fence sitter or passive/aggressive for instance? These are all tied into our responses to internal or external anger. For the sake of this thread topic, I'd like to keep anecdotes etc to personal experience and not about 'others'; to look at ourselves for answers.

I'm eager to hear your thoughts...

Sez

[startingnew]

Have an awesome time away Sez! Enjoy! Xoxo remember your butterfly

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Sez,

Thank you for the insight and thoughtful questions. You’ve certainly left many of us with ideas to consider...

I hope you have a fantastic holiday with your sister and get to relax, laugh and recharge. Above all, I hope you have fun and create beautiful new memories.

Wishing you and your sister safe voyage.

Sending love,

Pepper xoxo

[Guest_128]

Well pickle my grandmother what a thread you have here Sara!

I can't read all that but did pick up on Snot just keep swimming !

I don't know what happened,but do me wrong and I will eat you 🍴

Do something to someone I love,⚰️

So I have know idea what you guys are on about.

Dory😤

[Guest_1055]

Hello,

About 30 minutes ago, I had a mini explosion of anger.

I was feeling anger not at a particular person but rather there behaviour. I am sick of people being corrupt, sick of people ripping off others like stealing off them, sick of people being lied to and deceived ,sick of others walking over other people and treating them like they are a piece of dirt. I still feel angry about it and want to punch and punch. I am plain sick of the whole human race, myself included.

There is a situation in my life, where it is out of my control. But I have to watch this person being walked all over. And I hate seeing it.

Humans can be so self centred, care more about money then people. And I will say it again.... sick , sick , sick of it.

[Flick_SnotGrass]

Hey Shelley anne,

Flick SnotGrass here, I can't remember if we've met or not...anyway "hello"

....Just saw your rant...

may I be cruel for a moment?

Please?

Maybe the Victim you mention finds the situation they're in, and you have to watch, isn't hurting them enough yet for them to get 'off the nail'?

Dobson, my second big Yoga Teacher, had a DOBSON RULE and he used to say to us adherents "If they didn't ask you and they're not paying you and they're not pissing you off leave them alone."

Having said that maybe Dobson's Rule can give you an opening? or maybe not...it's easy to offer advice from the comforts of a cup of tea.

Do you have time for half a cup?

Best,

Flick SnotGrass

[Guest_1055]

Hi Flick, yes I have posted on one of your threads and you helped me to smile one day. So yeah we have sort of met.

All those things I mentioned above that I am sick of.... well I still am. And I hate all that stuff that seems to come out from humans. I also hate my behaviour at times, I cannot stand it.

With much regret I ended up voicing my thoughts to the person I mentioned above. It did not go well at all. I properly should have kept my opinions to myself and they said as much. So a compete stuff up for me. My thoughts are not worth anything anyway, well that is how I felt, when I went out of my comfort zone and verbally voiced them. I don't believe I was offering any advice to them. I just wanted to let them know what I observed.

Shell

[Flick_SnotGrass]

Hey Shell, yeah, not surprised, I used to get the same reaction when I offered unsolicited 'help'

"OUCH, I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!"

That's DOBSON's RULE at wrok. See that? They didn't ask and they weren't paying you.

'That's the help that hinders, Flick.......the help that inadvertently hinders....' as Dobson always used to say to me.

C'est la mort,

Put the kettle on, I'll have a cup, are there scones?

Flick

[Guest_1055]

Then please allow me to serve you Flick.... Here is a cup of tea. Do you take sugar, milk? And sure there a scones. Here you go then. Hope you like them with jam and cream. Though there is a couple of plain ones there..

Shell

[Flick_SnotGrass]

Thanx Shelly anne, Ahh, lovely cuppa...drop more milk please... mmmm those scones are yummy, is that real Devonshire cream and honest to heartstopping goodness Irish butter? Did you make the Strawberry jam yourself? You are gifted, have a GOLD STAR on me.

Flick

[Just Sara]

Hey Shell;

Have gone thru the convo between you and Flick. (Hey there big guy!) I totally understand your feelings of anger towards the establishment and humans in general. It's been a heated discussion on this forum and on my phone for some time now.

Feeling 'helpless' is one trigger I can't seem to budge. Watching on in disbelief and not knowing what to do can challenge the best of us.

With so much going on in the world atm, it's hard to ignore let alone not have an opinion. People are so disgusted and appalled with how Governments, media and the powers that be deal with people and the planet; and I'm one of them!!!

I see young people as young as 11 on BB screaming out for help not understanding why their lives are full of confusion and pain. 11!!!

The family unit's being torn to pieces. Kids need guidance, stability and security to feel safe. Babies are left with strangers while parents are forced into full-time work just to keep a roof over their heads.

But not just any ole roof; it has to be 'eclectic' or 'u-bour' or 'mid century'!

Yeah! I'm angry at us! At them! So what do we do???

Feeling helpless sucks! I want us all to get back to basics quick smart. My family doesn't need food with real gold leaf! They need 3 squares a day. Where has all this capitalistic ideology come from? Obviously the 'Welfare State' has long gone from govt agendas. Replacing it with financial ruin and a mental health epidemic though isn't the answer.

Australians were happy to live with the bare essentials and a family holiday once a yr, now all of a sudden, we just 'have' to own the best of everything by any means possible. WTF!

Technology is evolving so fast, our purchases are outdated the moment we take them out of store.

Our heads are spinning...literally! We're in the midst of a world gone mad on power and money. More, more, more! Well, it's time to put our foot down.

My federal/state members are getting pissed off letters from me!

So there!!

Now...is anger justified in my case? Has it been expressed well? Why then are we afraid of anger? Channelling anger in positive ways instead of lashing out will be our saving grace.

Our power's in our ability to choose; to vote, to save instead of spend, to put the phone in a drawer and talk to our neighbour over the fence. It's holding onto the true worth of our forbearers' skills. Plant seeds, keep chooks, go to bed and get up with the sun.

I want my grandkids to play with pots and pans again, not plastic crap!

...Sez xo