Staying well

ANGER -> are you reactive or mindful when responding to people? *New members are very welcome to contribute

replies: 85

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol) Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak? These are important questions about anger and... View more

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol) Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak? These are important questions about anger and especially rage. I'm sure everyone who visits these forums will have at some point in their lives experienced out of control reactions or even 'inaction' that they regret or question afterwards. Eg..."Why didn't I say anything?" or "I shouldn't have said anything." Personally, I'm no stranger to the effects of reactive anger. It took me many yrs to address and finally defeat as an ineffective and damaging personality trait. I still struggle sometimes, but more times than not, I deal with it productively. Anger's a normal animal/human reaction for survival. It goes hand in hand with Fight or Flight responses to keep us safe and alive. What modern society's done though, is create confusion, denial and fear in understanding what a 'threat' actually is. There are so many 'rules of engagement' outlined in our laws and cultural niceties, we're stifled trying to identify when a 'real' threat is immanent and, how to approach matters effectively...nature vs nurture. I think this is a discussion we really 'need' to have. It plays into our recovery and how we want to live our lives in peace with confidence. Are you known as an angry person, a fence sitter or passive/aggressive for instance? These are all tied into our responses to internal or external anger. For the sake of this thread topic, I'd like to keep anecdotes etc to personal experience and not about 'others'; to look at ourselves for answers. I'm eager to hear your thoughts... Sez

Desperate to find me

replies: 1

Hi, i just don’t know where to start I’m 28, a mum of two (one 4yo one 2yo) and have a partner whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with but I’m so sure that it’s not going to very fairytale like for three years now I have been trying to get a jo... View more

Hi, i just don’t know where to start I’m 28, a mum of two (one 4yo one 2yo) and have a partner whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with but I’m so sure that it’s not going to very fairytale like for three years now I have been trying to get a job, I apply to a minimum of 25jobs a week my confidence is shot my glasses are broken (missing an arm) and I can’t afford to fix them (no not even off the cheap shelves in spec savers) hubby to be and I sleep on a mattress on the floor have my sisters old broken couch my Nan’s 30od year old fridge and freezer my washing machine is on its last legs, my debt left from before I hadn’t a job are about 7000 not including the 16,000 I need to pay my partners parents back for paying off my car to stop it being collected for debt and I cant pay them, our diet is bad we have spaghetti, chicken tonight or curried sausages with rice or pasta for dinner never anything else unless someone’s treating us cereal for the kids for breakfast sandwiches for lunch and some fruit for kids that’s all we can afford i left my job of 7years because of how miserable it made me and I thought getting a new job was the best idea little did I know the new job would let me go just before my probation was up I’m miserable I used to be organised, outgoing, fit now I just binge watch shows, shower every few days, I never want people to come over because I can’t keep on top of the house (I get my brother in-law to be to do the dishes & washing every day as he lives with us rent free because he’s 21 and also struggling to find employment) Not that anyone would come over except family or my one friend i bearly want to get out of bed and do stuff with my kids I used to be so on top of taking them out and teaching new things nowadays their dad and uncle are parenting them they’re always so messy always arguing and NEVER listen discipline doesn’t work!! and it just breaks me down everyday to the point I scream or cry. I’m also angry all the time like he smallest of things sends me into a rage I have to lock myself in my room and I don’t talk to anyone until I calm down which some days I don’t. I don’t know how to talk to the mums at school without feeling like they want me to shut up and go away or feeling like I’m trying to hard to fit in or something I can’t lose weight because the fruit and veggies alone will blow our budget let alone being to lazy and scared to exercise how do I find myself again and get rid of this messy monster I’ve become!?

Had the courage to re -enter the workplace

replies: 9

Hi All, I just caught up with my firm that I left a few months back because of this crippling anxiety. I put my hand up for another oppurtunity With them. The anxiety all came back but was equally met with the warmth and inspiration that the office g... View more

Hi All, I just caught up with my firm that I left a few months back because of this crippling anxiety. I put my hand up for another oppurtunity With them. The anxiety all came back but was equally met with the warmth and inspiration that the office gives. Very friendly people have welcomed me back I start Monday, thats the first step accomplished (pat myself in the back). second step is to get the momentum going. feels daunting and exciting at the same time

30 Day Healthy Habits Challenge

replies: 2

Hello! Firstly, a bit of background on me. I'm 16, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 13 years old. Last year I went through a severe depressive episode which caused me to miss half of my school year, move schools and overall just put me an... View more

Hello! Firstly, a bit of background on me. I'm 16, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 13 years old. Last year I went through a severe depressive episode which caused me to miss half of my school year, move schools and overall just put me and the people around me in a crappy situation. I'm glad to say I'm doing much better, but definitely not doing my best or anywhere near it. I am stuck in a rut. My default answer to "how are you?" is "meh, alright". Life should be SO MUCH MORE than "alright". I have so many crazy dreams and things I want to do, I have this picture of an ideal me in my mind. And get this- I know exactly how to get to this "ideal me". I have EVERYTHING I need to reach my goals. But here I am, stuck on autopilot doing the same boring things everyday, not feeling like myself and honestly, feeling miserable. I watched Mel Robbins TED talk "How to stop screwing yourself over". It's a long talk and I'll try to summarise what she says, but I would encourage you to watch it if you're feeling stuck. She has such a motivating, "no bullsh*t" kind of attitude that I respect. She said to get what you want,is SIMPLE but NOT EASY. You have to force yourself, get out of your head, get past your feelings and outside of your comfort zone. See? Sounds simple but when you actually try to do these things, it's not that easy. Her TED talk + some other articles/videos I viewed, have inspired me to challenge myself to do the things I always say I'll do (but never actually do). Starting tomorrow on 23/05/19, I am going to start doing these habits everyday for 30 days- - wake up at 6am (even on weekends!) - exercise for 30 minutes everyday - do not go on technology 30 minutes after waking up and 30 minutes before going to bed. - Limit myself to one unhealthy treat a day and drink 2 litres of water daily - Study for at least 40 minutes daily - write down three things I am grateful for before bed - do something out of my comfort zone (this could be so many different things- talking to someone new, wearing something you are usually too scared to wear, confronting someone about your feelings, trying a new food or activity, etc) - write in my journal - stretch for 10 minutes before bedtime

Finding Employment While Unwell

replies: 6

I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve been unemployed most of my life. I desperately want to work and make a positive contribution to the community. My work history is obviously lousy, and when I apply for jobs this is extremely evident, I simply don’t ge... View more

I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve been unemployed most of my life. I desperately want to work and make a positive contribution to the community. My work history is obviously lousy, and when I apply for jobs this is extremely evident, I simply don’t get any response from employers, although I’m qualified in a high demand occupation. Knowing that I’m unwell and knowing that the best thing for me is to be active, how do I get a job? How do I have a conversation with potential employers? How do I get a foot in the door? Where are the MI friendly employers?

Alcohol and anxiety

replies: 3

Hi. I am new and not too sure of what to do. i am a wife and mother of 4. I am looking for help and support around alcohol and anxiety. basically I binge drink, then feel bad about it and hate it. Hate that it takes my weekends, takes my family time ... View more

Hi. I am new and not too sure of what to do. i am a wife and mother of 4. I am looking for help and support around alcohol and anxiety. basically I binge drink, then feel bad about it and hate it. Hate that it takes my weekends, takes my family time and takes my sanity.

Personal Values

replies: 5

They are indeed personal. We humans are a diverse lot. The values spectrum is wide. But the point of this thread is to explain the benefits of flexibility when it comes to working with others, that have different values...and that's everyone! If we s... View more

They are indeed personal. We humans are a diverse lot. The values spectrum is wide. But the point of this thread is to explain the benefits of flexibility when it comes to working with others, that have different values...and that's everyone! If we stand by our own values to the letter and believe those values are something to be proud of and are "right", then how can we get along with others when their values conflict with ours? There are some issues that can get in the way of values. Miscommunication is one. Merely taking comments from others that appear they differ from us can make a friendship terminal. We get sensitive, angry, confrontational and sometimes our friendships and family relationships are terminal. From my observations those with mental illness often, but not always, have difficulty in this area of personal values. Not in having them, in falling into conflict because such values aren't the same as others values. I grew up in a household that us siblings took offence if we didn't agree with each other. I joined the RAAF and lived with other men. It came about one day when a guy said "that's ok, I don't agree with you but that fine, we cant agree on everything." It opened my eyes up to how people can disagree agreeably. Wow, I cant maintain friendships! The next step I had to learn was to reassure others that there is no need for conflict. To disagree is ok but as we can disagree on basic, touchy topics like politics, religion, children, etc we should avoid conflict by reassurance ..."its ok, I'm disagreeing but I see your viewpoint. It's not the end of the world and I don't want this to hurt our friendship, I value you". Do it! Reach out. Finally, contact later. Sometimes a friend could leave our home with disappointment. Wait 2 days. Ring them. "Hi Ralph, I just thought I'd ring you to see how you are, I have no bad feelings about our tiff" Then the golden rule- keep quiet, let them speak. Once they have finished "getting it all out" you can take it from there, depending on the conflict you can wait a few weeks and try again. Relationships are fluid. They ebb and flow. Expecting friendships to remain firm and constant is not being realistic, maybe hopeful, optimistic and inflated. Familiarity breeds contempt, is true. To expect relationships to move in and out due to differences in personal values, is to accept that pliability, flexibility that's required to make it work long term. We cant agree on everything. Tony WK

Do I like Myself?

replies: 14

Well not really I guess. can't change your appearance but wish there was but I've put up with myself for over half a century but now and again my hate me thoughts come in. such is life. I usually fake it until I make it attitude so no one will know h... View more

Well not really I guess. can't change your appearance but wish there was but I've put up with myself for over half a century but now and again my hate me thoughts come in. such is life. I usually fake it until I make it attitude so no one will know how I feel. not sure why writing this now guess am having.a self doubt moment.of my direction on life and struggling with studies. assessment due Tuesday. . guess it's called life. rusted forever

Unleash your Feelings

replies: 6

Hey everyone! This forums post is where you can write all of your complaints and frustrations. Say whatever you want to about whoever you want, but follow these rules: 1 - Don't be racist, sexist or offensive to anyone else in the forums. 2 - You can... View more

Hey everyone! This forums post is where you can write all of your complaints and frustrations. Say whatever you want to about whoever you want, but follow these rules: 1 - Don't be racist, sexist or offensive to anyone else in the forums. 2 - You can use some caps if you want, but don't use them excessively. 3 - If someone breaks any of these rules, tell me and I will do something if I can. Thanks guys! Remember, you can say whatever you want as long as it doesn't break any rules. Dan

H.A.L.T.S ..... don't let the HALTS get you.

replies: 1

When I first got into recovery, I heard people talk about having the 'halts' .... Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Serious. When I notice I have one, two or more of these, I need to take action. Hungry? Eat something! If your tummy is rumbling, it gener... View more

When I first got into recovery, I heard people talk about having the 'halts' .... Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Serious. When I notice I have one, two or more of these, I need to take action. Hungry? Eat something! If your tummy is rumbling, it generally means you need food! So eat something! I know that sometimes when I'm hungry, I am also a bit angry, so having a snack can fix two issues at one time! Angry? I was told to 'hit my pillow'! It won't hurt the pillow, yourself, or anyone else, and it will help to get expel at least a little of that physical tension that comes with anger. And Tell someone you're angry, and why. And if there's no-one around to tell, then put pen to paper, or fingertips to keyboard. Get it out of your head and SHARE it. A problem shared is a problem halved. Lonely? Call someone. Telephone therapy, we call it in 12 step recovery. Invite someone over to your house, or go to their place. Or maybe find some sort of activity to engage in with others. Volunteer work or paid work or both. Find something or somewhere where there are people whom you can connect with. Tired? Sleep. Or at least lay down somewhere quiet, with no distractions, where you can close your eyes and just switch off. Even if it is just for 10 or 15 minutes. Sometimes that little powernap can make all the difference. (too) Serious? Have a laugh! There are some great videos on YouTube; funny animal videos are my favorite! There's one that's a 'translation' video of a cat vs a printer that is just so hilarious! It does have a bit of swearing in it, so be mindful of what can come up. But it gets me laughing out loud every time! Life is too short to be serious all the time, and laughter is the best medicine! Or I also like going to the newsagent or supermarket and pausing in the greeting card section to read the funny greeting cards. They too can be really funny. Anyway, enjoy your Saturday night everyone. I'm heading out for a reunion dinner now, with some old workmates. Take care. Love Mel. xo

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