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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Beetle I rescued a cat :)
  • replies: 2

Hi I took advice from my friends and got a cat. She's from the rescue pond and currently hiding under the TV.first day.I am having a very hard time currently and hope little ginger will help me to survive. I want to survive.I can't wait til she comes... View more

Hi I took advice from my friends and got a cat. She's from the rescue pond and currently hiding under the TV.first day.I am having a very hard time currently and hope little ginger will help me to survive. I want to survive.I can't wait til she comes out and gets used to my home Beetle

Euclid Saying no to the unhelpful thoughts
  • replies: 18

Hi all, I am interested to see what people have to say on this forum about dealing with unhelpful thoughts. I am sure that I am not alone in having a mind which feeds me unhelpful thoughts. For me personally, failing to properly manage these thoughts... View more

Hi all, I am interested to see what people have to say on this forum about dealing with unhelpful thoughts. I am sure that I am not alone in having a mind which feeds me unhelpful thoughts. For me personally, failing to properly manage these thoughts can lead to a depressive episode, and has done in the past. For example - I have recently come to realise that my relationship seems to be exiting the 'honeymoon' period. My mind feeds me counterproductive thoughts, like "you're falling out of love with her" and "you'll separate sooner or later". In days gone by, I would have let these thoughts get the better of me and my mood. These days, I know how to say "thanks for the thought, Mind, but the reality is that our relationship has just entered a new, more mature phase, and that's a good thing". What other tips and tricks do people have like this? Keeping in mind, of course, that not all methods will work for everyone - but I think it will be helpful to share.

Mahalko Injured at work and have been in constant pain for months. Really messing with my head
  • replies: 2

Hello Everyone, I injured my arm at work several months ago and have been off work for almost 3 months now. I am in constant pain no matter what pain relief I sought. I feel like I am getting nowhere and the pain is starting to really get to me. I wa... View more

Hello Everyone, I injured my arm at work several months ago and have been off work for almost 3 months now. I am in constant pain no matter what pain relief I sought. I feel like I am getting nowhere and the pain is starting to really get to me. I want to get back to work but the pain keeps me from sleeping properly. If I can fall asleep I wake up shortly afterwards with aching pain or numbness and my fingers tingling because no matter what I do I always seem to roll onto my arm during sleep. Then I can't get back to sleep and have to take pain relief just to make the pain subside enough for me to fall back asleep or end up laying or sitting there for sometimes a couple of hours until I get back to sleep only to wake up again with pain or my arm aching again and repeat the whole process again until sleep finally takes over from exhaustion or I have had enough pain killers to put an elephant to sleep. This happens just about every night and if I am due to go back into work for my return to work program I am just so tired and exhausted and the pain has returned I can't even bring myself to get ready and end up taking more pain relief which takes a while to kick in. I am sick of taking pills and the medication is wrecking my stomach and making me feel worse. It is making my life a misery. I can't do things around the house that I should be doing. I can't pick my 3 year old daughter up to cuddle her because it hurts my arm and because she is getting bigger and putting on some beef I can't hold her in my other arm for long till it starts to hurt from her weight. If she wakes during the night I can't pick her up to rock her back to sleep which I love to do and to give the other half a break because she works also and it is hard on her as well. It is so hard trying to tell the little one I can't pick her up as she stands at my feet arms stretched up asking for cuddles, she doesn't understand and gets frustrated and upset and the wife has to take her and then she has broken sleep which frustrates her as well. I am hoping this week to see a specialist and have an MRI scan to see what other damage I have done to cause the pain. I just need to vent and release and I am positive the people I vent to are sick of hearing me do so..This has taken me so long to submit because even typing or writing causes pain and I have to stop for short periods to rest.. I JUST WANT MY ARM BACK...

Andrew71 First Post - Can't escape my past
  • replies: 3

I have a history of anxiety and depression that goes back to the age of about 13, and has led to some behavioural issues over the years. School and university were a struggle. Nonetheless, I a managed to make it through and achieve reasonable results... View more

I have a history of anxiety and depression that goes back to the age of about 13, and has led to some behavioural issues over the years. School and university were a struggle. Nonetheless, I a managed to make it through and achieve reasonable results, and that has led to some rewarding employment experiences, to this day. I am single and live alone and I am struggling with the ongoing affects of something bad I did in the 90's and early 2000's. At the time, I was arrested and charged and given a suspended sentence. I had never been in trouble with the law before this time, and have not been since. But I live with the guilt of what I did every single day, and I am still subject to legal constraints, a life-long reminder that will never go away. I live as a recluse and make no effort to bond with other people. I am only in contact with some family members and some very close old friends of which I have only handful. I work alone, remotely from employers premises and only connect with them in person every few months. But I am well respected by my colleagues and highly valued by my employer. But my life seems to consist only of working and sleeping. And I drink too much of an evening. The alcohol works as a good anaesthetic. I do not become loud and aggressive. I am very quiet and unimposing. I just feel that my life is just a matter seeing out my days for the period of life I have left. I live life like a prison sentence, and feel unable to pursue things I would like to do. So just feel stuck in a rut at present. My past is not something I can easily open up about. It is a source of great sorrow and regret that I cannot escape.

SammyD100 Problems.... What can we do? How can we deal with them?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone! I thought I might start a new thread about problems. We all have them from time to time! Sometimes they seem incredibly big and complex. Sometimes they don't seem quite so difficult, but still need work to solve. Problems come in all siz... View more

Hi everyone! I thought I might start a new thread about problems. We all have them from time to time! Sometimes they seem incredibly big and complex. Sometimes they don't seem quite so difficult, but still need work to solve. Problems come in all sizes and shapes so what do we do? How do we deal with them? When we have issues we’re struggling with there are generally two types of approaches. One is a Problem-Solving Approach and one is an Emotion-Focussed Approach. A Problem-Solving Approach is useful when we have a lot of control over a situation and there are practical things we can do. If we're struggling with something like work-life balance for example, we might be able to look at making changes to get some balance back. Perhaps we could talk to our boss about cutting back a shift, changing full-time to part-time, taking some annual leave days off, etc. Perhaps the struggle relates to taking on too much for others, like always agreeing to meet up with a 'demanding' friend who never 'gives' anything to the relationship but constantly 'takes' our energy and time. Perhaps we just need to take a step back and learn to say 'no' every so often. All of these are practical ways to address that initial problem around work-life balance - and there would be many other examples! But sometimes the problem isn't something we have much control over - the only thing we can control is how we think about the situation. It’s generally the case that the way we think about a situation affects the way we feel, which then affects the way we behave. This leads me to the Emotion-Focussed Approach. So for example I might be thinking that I didn’t do a good job on my last uni assignment, and for the next one I feel hopeless and like I won’t do well. As a result I might keep putting it off, and then not do a great job on it, which will then reinforce my original feeling that I’m not going to do well. Instead I might challenge that initial thought. I might recognise that I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped on the last assignment because at the time my personal life was really difficult. With that new perspective, I’m feeling a bit better about this one because I know the mark I got wasn’t a valid reflection of my ability. As such, I am able to get onto this next assignment with a better mindset and the knowledge that I can do this. I hope this all makes sense! What have you tried when faced with life problems? What works for you? Would love to hear lots of other ideas! SammyD

ScarlettR Do you play video games as a sort of therapy?
  • replies: 2

I had redeveloped my childhood hobby of playing games again. I often play games on my iPad or on my PS3 console. This may sound obvious, but I believe playing video games has a long-term calming and positive effect on people suffering from mental ill... View more

I had redeveloped my childhood hobby of playing games again. I often play games on my iPad or on my PS3 console. This may sound obvious, but I believe playing video games has a long-term calming and positive effect on people suffering from mental illness. For instance, I play Batman Arkham City, and has made my goal to complete the game. While I play the game, I'm not only focusing on the character and getting him complete levels, but also observing the setting and soundtrack and special effects. I don't spent too long playing the video game - maybe 30-45 minutes then I save and switch off and relax. It helps me look at the past year in a rose-tinted way that is actually healthy and positive. In fact, I look at my past few years in a rose-tinted way so that way I can just remember the few main events, and not think about the times I was so depressed and anxious, I wouldn't leave the bed. In fact, I've made a decision that memories of my depressive days are of no use or relevance to me, and I will only focus on the few events that was good. Playing video games and the associated experience is one of them.

DMA27 Living in the past and overthinking/worrying about life now and the future
  • replies: 1

I feel silly even stating this as an issue as i know people have far worse situations happening in their lives. In 2014 my boyfriend of 4 years and i split (over a stupid unexpected argument), mid 2015 my grandmother who raised me & was the closest p... View more

I feel silly even stating this as an issue as i know people have far worse situations happening in their lives. In 2014 my boyfriend of 4 years and i split (over a stupid unexpected argument), mid 2015 my grandmother who raised me & was the closest person to me passed away & i started my first full time job in the field of which i studied. Since all of this happened 4 yrs ago, I feel like i have not been myself. I thought i had life all worked out - planned to spend the rest of my life with that bf & i didnt expect to feel this way when my grandmother was gone. Since 2014, my ex and i have gone back & forth to each other because i think deep down there is still a strong love and bond although things just dont seem to work and I, as is he - am having difficulties letting this go. In the midst of the 4 yrs since we've split, we have both spoken to other people. The guy i have spoken to is the complete opposite of my ex - kind hearted, gentle mature, serious (amazing) however, has little time for a relationship due to work & other commitments. I feel too scared to to date him for fear of the unknown future, regret and whether its the right thing todo or not. I have not been myself since all of this has happened & i dont know why. I struggle to make decisions, I have difficulty falling asleep sometimes, have poor concentration & focus, i keep busy to avoid overthinking, i dont give my all to my friends, family, work & relationships the way i use to & i overall just feel like time is flying by, life is moving extremely fast & i am just stuck in i dont know what. My friends are getting married, having babies etc - whilst i did have all of this planned also, things have not gone to plan (which i know is part of life). I have have been told by many people that i overthink and i know i do but i cant help it, even if its regarding the future and something that hasnt even occurred yet. I am unsure of what life path to take and what its current purpose is (i am wasting time not knowing what to do). I think about this all the time and it constantly feels like i have a weight on my shoulders. I know my friends are sick of me saying i cant believe how old we are, where have the past 4 years gone?, should i do this?, should i do that? I feel like i just go to work and come home but thats all thats really happening. The rest of the time its me trying to fill in time!! I just want to feel like i am living in the moment again & know what im doing and exactly what i want.

MiguelS New poster struggling with life and self-worth
  • replies: 5

Hi all, New poster, 30 year old male...thought I'd join these forums as part of my process to tackle my long term issues with anxiety and depression which I've left unaddressed for quite sometime, recently turned 30 and the last 2-3 years things are ... View more

Hi all, New poster, 30 year old male...thought I'd join these forums as part of my process to tackle my long term issues with anxiety and depression which I've left unaddressed for quite sometime, recently turned 30 and the last 2-3 years things are gradually becoming worse, I think my depression over the past 2-3 days has hit an all time low. As of today, I don't even know if I can talk to friends, family or even go to work...I can't sleep, loss of appetite, low sex drive, drug and alcohol addiction, brain fog the works and feel incredibly lonely. Struggle with confidence in myself which has forced me to live as a single man all my life, even though I would consider myself attractive and do well financially. The thing is, people do like me but I do struggle to make real friends and relationships. Just the other day I had a date, first in a few years, things went well over a few drinks, things led to the bedroom needless to say I was left completely embarrassed and now she's completely lost interest, it's been the nail in the coffin the last two days may have been the most difficult in my life. My workload for next week is incredibly intense and I'm not in a position where I can take time off, I don't know what to do anymore....today I went to pay a visit to my folks thinking spending time with family would do me some good but I hardly felt like talking, on the way home I started tearing up. I'm making steps in trying to tackle it, I've had my first session with a psychologist which I'm hoping to do once a week..I've seen a few in the past but didn't get much from it although I feel this one is a winner. I haven't exercised in a good 6 months or so so today I joined a new gym in hopes a new atmosphere might encourage me to work out more. Trying to clean up my diet/lifestyle and minimize drug/alcohol intake, being sober is very difficult but having enough confidence to go without it is my ultimate goal. The thought of being in this same position in 15-20 years terrifies me, I'm not sure I could go on much longer if I kept this lifestyle up. Hopefully I didn't break any rules, I just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings out there, so thanks for reading.

Wizard1 Mental Illness and non-believers. How to deal?
  • replies: 5

I mostly write this for the benefit of other as well as myself. My sister committed suicide nearly three years ago. I was once taking to a work colleague (who knew about my sister's suicide) about the topic of mental illness. Her response to me was "... View more

I mostly write this for the benefit of other as well as myself. My sister committed suicide nearly three years ago. I was once taking to a work colleague (who knew about my sister's suicide) about the topic of mental illness. Her response to me was "this is such a first world problem" meaning only people in the first world would have the time and luxury to develop such problems in theirs head. My response was, "no it is not, you hear about it in the first world because we have resources to deal with it. These problems exist everywhere and most probably exists more so the third world". Although my response was measured and controlled, internally I was fuming and felt terribly insulted by this. So how would you response to non-believers, the ones who think we should "just get over it"? In other words, how do we educate those who are naive?

Notanurse What friends?
  • replies: 1

I really have the question: "do you have any support around you? Family? Friends?" Because my answers always "What family? What friends?" I grew up knowing my mother, my half sister, my brother, my nana, my Nan and my pop. All on my mum's side. I bar... View more

I really have the question: "do you have any support around you? Family? Friends?" Because my answers always "What family? What friends?" I grew up knowing my mother, my half sister, my brother, my nana, my Nan and my pop. All on my mum's side. I barely know my father, I only remember seeing him maybe a handful of times. And my father's parents are just names. It's sad because for as long as I can remember, I've always wanted a huge family. Uncle's, aunts, cousins, grandparents, extended family. I wanted to have 4 kids so one day I'll be this little old lady surrounded by a large family of my own making(I can dream!). There's nothing I can do to change my family though. Except for the part where I have 4 kids and hopefully be that happily little old lady surrounded by her huge family. As for friends though.. I had many friends in primary school, I counted everyone as a friends, I got along with pretty much everyone. High school came around and my close circle from primary school started breaking up, going their own way. But I was sitting there wanting it to be us still because they were my everything. Rumours started that one hated the other but they were friends on the outside. I ended up having enough of the lies and games so I was the one to befriend them. Gotta love teenage drama. Ever since then though I've found it very difficult to form lasting friendships. That's when I went to uni and met my former best friend. We got along really well, called each other soul sisters, we had the best times together. That was until she couldn't put up with my severe lows. The most recent being about 3 weeks ago, which is now why she's the former best friend. Apart from that, I have one person I talk to regularly at the moment. That person being someone who thinks were going to be in a relationships(I very much do not want a relationship). Other than that I have 3 people who check in from time to time. It's lonely, it's draining, I hate it. I'm human, I need to be social. I really wish there was a tinder for friendships. Put in your interests and find people with the same interests. Would be amazing. So how do you deal with the loneliness? How do you make friends? All I can think is that it MUST get better once I'm employed and working regularly right?