Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

[Guest0786549]

Alora here, I'm a newbie wanting to say hi. Been battling depression/anxiety since I was 13, lost a sibling at 17 which destroyed me. The solution I found for my pain at the time was alcohol, and here I am 23 years later battling an addiction that I know is destroying me, mentally, emotionally and physically. My life isn't where I expected to be: no kids, no job, little friends, and I'm stuck at home with an injury that's currently preventing me from work, outings or exercise. Trying to be positive and fight the cravings feels impossible at the moment. I hope to share my story, the knowledge and tips I've learned, and get advice from others. Most importantly, I could do with a friend.

[Guest0786549]

Hi Pepper, I appreciate your kind words. I do feel self-aware, having dealt with depression for so long. As I got older, I researched to learn more about it. Sometimes I still struggle putting my knowledge into practice, though. Especially when it comes to alcohol. I’ve just started reading ‘This Naked Mind’ and it definitely feels like the conscious mind vs the subconscious. I agree with the mental & physical being interconnected. I can’t exercise atm which has impacted my moods. But coming to this site helps, thanks for your continuing support.

Alora 😊

[geoff]

Hello Alora, I also replied on the Soup da Loop but talking about this addiction, alcohol is such a strong topic.

If AA is not for you or it didn't help, then people have these dominant thoughts that drinking alcohol will be their saviour.

There are many books that can help you stay sober or get you to stop which are really good, but it's not the book that will stop you, it's you yourself that has to have that desire to give it up.

The books will help you learn, but what if someone else is drinking next to you, or you walk past a bottle shop, will you feel at ease not to drink, or can you walk past the pub without having any sweats or having second thoughts, that's the strength you need to decide not to drink.

Believe me, I know it's not easy, it's no different as trying to give up any addiction, that craving, but it can be overcome.

It may not happen the first time or on the second occasion and yes we can relapse and yes we can cut down it's what suits you and what's healthy for you but a topic to keep talking about.

Geoff.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Alora (and a wave to all your friends here),

Well done on not giving in to alcohol the other day as I realise it couldn’t have been easy. 5 days (22nd August) free of alcohol is an incredible achievement 🙂

I love how you try to stay informed and continue to learn and update your knowledge base about mental health. I completely agree with you that things usually sound much easier in theory than in practice...

This Naked Mind sounds like and intriguing read. I’ll have to look it up...

I hope you’re having a good start to the day and I look forward to your next update 🙂

Gentle and kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Birdy77]

Hi Alora,

Just wondered how you're feeling and remind you to be gentle with yourself.

I hope your injury is improving, that would add a whole other layer of frustration and temptation to give in to the drink, so be kind to yourself.

How are you liking This Naked Mind? I downloaded the first 40 pages a few months ago, I really like her style. I recommended it to Sou da Loop as well and she said she's ordered it, it might help to know someone else who's reading it /following the steps or whatever (I'm not).

One day at a time Alora.

🌻birdy

[geoff]

Hello Alora, can I also join Pepper and Birdy with our concern for you and please if by any chance you have had a drink don't ever feel guilty, this is common, it's happened to me and I'm sure to so many other people.

It's not like turning a light switch on and off, stopping an addiction is nothing like this, we try and try harder to stop, then we stop, but those problems keep coming back, that's why we relapse, that's not your fault, we understand because the same has happened with us, that's why we want you to talk to us.

There is never any guilt when we want to stop an addiction, we won't criticise you, so talk with us.

We care about you.

Geoff.

[Guest0786549]

Hi all, thanks for your responses. I did end up relapsing and I’m trying not to beat myself up about it. I’m just finding it too difficult while I’m stuck at home with an injury.

Nearly 2 years ago I gave up smoking cigarettes, which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took many attempts but I finally got there. Now that I’m free from it, I’ll never smoke again. I keep hoping it will be the same for alcohol. I can go 2-3 days without a drink no problems, I couldn’t go 2 hours without a smoke! So I guess I just got to keep trying.

When I quit smoking, I gave up junk food too. I lost nearly 20 kilos. But I still had alcohol as my pleasure/stress relief. Since my injury the weight is slowly coming back. So it’s even more important I eat healthily. Problem is, part of me is thinking if I give up alcohol, I’ll have nothing left. I know that’s the problem but I can’t help thinking it. The only other pleasure/stress relief I had was exercise and I can’t do that now. It’s so hard being at home with no proper distractions.

I’m enjoying the book ‘This Naked Mind’ as I have a strong interest in the brain and science. It’s taking me awhile to read though, because I get tired of thinking about alcohol all the time. You know how it goes, the more you resist it the more it’s on your mind..…I feel that changing my mindset is the biggest hurdle. Part of me still looks at it as a pleasure, but I always binge now, no longer in control.

On a positive note, I’m slowly healing. Sleeping better and can go for short walks. It’s a start I guess.

Appreciate all your support.

Alora

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Alora (and a wave to all your beautiful supporters),

I think it’s completely understandable (and very common) to relapse as Geoff very kindly pointed out. I’m really glad you’re taking it in your stride and trying your best not to beat yourself up over it. Well done on your beautiful attitude...

I agree with you that, in a way, giving up drinking is similar to giving up smoking. I feel the thing is with any substance reliance, it often takes multiple attempts before a person can come completely “clean” (so to speak). Temporary relapse then temporary recovery (and it can happen many times, over and over again) before a point of long term recovery is reached. So you’re on your way, and I feel you know this already ...i feel it’s all just part of the process...

Yes, it would be hard if your brain still associates alcohol with pleasure and stress relief. I feel your book sounds really interesting, and hopefully it also helps take your mind off the drinking too sometimes...

I’m wondering if finding something to do with your hands e.g. art or craft , cooking, etc would help both stimulate and distract your mind. Just a thought...

Kindness and warmth,

Pepper