Alora here - dealing with lifelong depression and addiction

[Guest0786549]

Alora here, I'm a newbie wanting to say hi. Been battling depression/anxiety since I was 13, lost a sibling at 17 which destroyed me. The solution I found for my pain at the time was alcohol, and here I am 23 years later battling an addiction that I know is destroying me, mentally, emotionally and physically. My life isn't where I expected to be: no kids, no job, little friends, and I'm stuck at home with an injury that's currently preventing me from work, outings or exercise. Trying to be positive and fight the cravings feels impossible at the moment. I hope to share my story, the knowledge and tips I've learned, and get advice from others. Most importantly, I could do with a friend.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Alora,

I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your sibling when you were 17. That loss changed your forever. It must have been excruciating and heart breaking to lose a loved one, and especially at that age...I’m so sorry...

I can relate to turning to alcohol to cope as that’s familiar territory to me. Sighs, anything to temporarily dull the ache, right?

Although I know for some people, it’s no longer about dulling the pain because when addiction sets in, they drink to feel “normal” as their body has become so dependent on it. My point is, dulling the ache or not, I hear you and I can empathise...

You sound like you have much wisdom to impart. Someone who has learnt and lost much over the years...we look forward to getting to know you a little better.

I feel you’re someone with a lot of insight and personal experience to offer. We have much to gain from you and hopefully we can support you in return 🙂

If you’re looking for a friend, there are many friends here to be found. I would be happy to be your online friend and I bet there will be others...I hope we hear from you again when you’re feeling up to writing again.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[geoff]

Hello Alora, I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your sibling which has caused depression, anxiety and a drinking concern.

If you can't currently work because of an illness that you have sustained, this would make your life pretty miserable so you've resorted to drinking to try and numb any pain from your injury and as a means of coping.

Those cravings you are having are so annoying because you have an addiction and that's why you have been drinking for so long, this isn't your fault, it's happened by a situation that was out of your control.

I have been in a similar situation and needed the alcohol as a way to cope through the day, the strength it has over you is enormous, but would like to let you know you have a couple of friends already, who definitely want to help you.

I feel for you.

Geoff.

[Guest0786549]

Hi Pepper, thanks so much for your understanding and compassion. The loss did change me forever and it’s a matter of learning to live with it. Dulling the ache is precisely what I’ve been doing… but I guess there comes a time when I gotta face up to things and learn to cope with emotions rather than run from them.

Thanks for your faith in me. Not sure how much I can help, but I’m glad to be here. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of depression since I was a kid. But I’ve learned how to cope at times, through sun, diet and exercise. It’s amazing how much nutrition alone can affect the brain/emotions.

Thanx for your friendship, I look forward to getting to know u all.

Alora

[Guest0786549]

Hi Geoff, thanks so much for your reply. It’s great to know you understand, though I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through a similar situation. You’re right, the strength addiction has over me is enormous, but I’ll keep fighting. Some days I fail, but I’m still willing to try again. As painful as it was to lose my sibling, I feel I owe it to him to keep going, never stop trying...

My injury is starting to heal, so there’s a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. It gives me hope to return to a normal life, get outside, exercise eventually. Though every day I still battle my addiction. I’m taking it one day at a time for now. Thanx for your friendship and support, I need all the help I can get.

Alora

[geoff]

Hello Alora, you know it takes strength to reply and you have been able to do this, and with this addiction, it's never easy to control.

One day is easy, while another day it's not so easy because you could have a relapse and decide to drink, don't punish yourself if this happens, this is to be expected, and it's no different to any addiction and as you say it's one day to another.

Be proud of the days you feel happy and never punish yourself for those days you don't.

I think you're doing well, but pleased I'd like to know how you are going.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Birdy77]

Dear Alora (hi Pepper and Geoff),

I am so sorry to hear of the deeply traumatic loss of your sibling. I think it's lovely that you've turned that loss into a positive, giving you motivation to keep on going.

I saw you over on Soup da Loops thread, giving support.

The battle with the booze is something I too can relate to, so I'm putting up my hand to say can I be your friend too (smiling, batting eyelashes) ?

I like the way Geoff has said not to punish ourselves on the hard days. It's good to be reminded.

We try our best. If we fail, we forgive ourselves and try again tomorrow.

Alora, I just wanted to say hi and I'm glad you're here.

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Alora (waves to all),

Thank you so much for writing back. I’m happy to hear from you again...

I feel you’ve written some very poignant and highly self aware posts. You seem to have a deep understanding of your own emotions, which is impressive...

I can relate to how you try to dull your emotions. I suppose sometimes it’s harder to directly face our emotions than to hide from it...I feel you’re so right there...

I’m glad you’re here too 🙂 About being helpful here, in my opinion, all we have to do is share and care. If we share and care, that is about as helpful as it gets. You seem to have both down pat in my eyes...

I agree with you that nutrition has an enormous impact on our emotions. As does our physical health in general...I feel mental and physical health is interconnected.

I look forward to learning more about you...

Kindness and warmth,

Pepper

[Guest0786549]

Thanks so much Geoff. You’re so right, each day can be so different. I am prone to punish myself on days I don’t do so well. But I’m doing okay so far, I’m on day 5 and I nearly gave in, but I got through it. I’m going to take your advice and be proud of that. Thanks for your support and well wishes, it makes a difference.

Alora 😊

[Guest0786549]

Hi Birdy, I’d love another friend lol, and it’s great to have someone who understands the battle with the booze. Feels like such a lonely battle sometimes. So far so good, and I’ll definitely take Geoff’s great advice if I have another set-back. It is good to be reminded. Thanks for your message and support, so glad to be here.

Alora 😊