Advice please! - Getting rid of self-doubt/Setting boundaries

[Miranda888]

Can someone please help me before I go crazy/send my husband crazy?

My mum is a narcissist and my dad is an enabler. They show no interest in my life, she makes me feel guilty over nothing, they never offer to help look after my children or do anything really other than drop in to our house for an hour when it suits them and talk about themselves.

I have a fantastic husband and beautiful children. I also have a good career. How do I get rid of the self doubt though? How do I relax and feel happy? How do I feel good about myself? And how do so set up boundaries and not let them get to me?

thank you

[Quercus]

Hi Miranda888,

When it comes to family setting boundaries is hard. Your post stood out to me as it is an issue "close to home" for me too.

A friend from uni shared something with me once that I held onto. Her psychologist told her her family member would likely always be a narcisist. That she had to learn to accept that it is unlikely they will ever change. Most importantly to accept that what she needed from the relationship was unlikely to ever be given and this hope was something she had to grieve.

That she could choose ...

1. to accept the person as they are not as she needed them to be.

2. To not be able to accept the behaviours and decide on the limits she'd accept, when to say no and when yo cut ties.

I cut ties with my sister and have no intention to change this even though I do love her. At family events I am polite but other than that no contact.

It took me a long time to realise my friend shared this with me for a reason. I needed to hear it too and wonder if you do also? They may be your parents but if a visit makes you feel rubbish is it worth it?

Just because someone is blood doesn't give them the right to put you down and make you feel worthless.