Accountability partner

[Here2Talk]

Hi all,

From searching google I saw a post about this topic on the BB forums from five years ago. What was recommended was a couple of paid things (e.g., personal trainer).

There are communities on sites like Facebook and reddit, but these seem to be more geared around either lets have a big group and all motivate each other, or one on one and let’s drive each other in an entrepreneurial style....

I was more thinking of something non-paid, more altruistic where two people who want to improve their life and their habits mutually help each other. Like a one on one life coach sort of gentle caring motivator listening person - like myself .... those are hard to come by I guess, and they don’t tend to be public self promoting types.

[sbella02]

Hey Here2Talk,

Thank you for posting, and welcome to our forums!

Unfortunately I'm not in QLD, and I've also never heard of any programs (at least, not in SA) like you've described. I do however have a potential suggestion based on your description, would it be something that you could do with a friend? You could set up a plan of what you'd like to achieve and by when, and take steps together to reach these goals.

If you're looking for something a little more professional, you could possibly make a post in a social media group specific to your area (on Facebook, for example) asking if anybody knows of any such programs. That is, if you haven't already done this.

I hope this somewhat helps!

Kind regards, SB

[Guest_1643]

Hi here2talk, I know aa style groups use this idea very well. A recovery partner. I also know sometimes it fails if ppl do it themselves, eg I've heard of ppl making a friend in rehab, becoming a recovery partner from their own choosing and desire for friendship, and unfortunately neither are ready to draw boundaries and it becomes bad.

I think Grow groups exist nationally and use AA/12 step approach so that might exist within them

I have received such support from peer workers, it's not exactly two way, but it is someone with lived experience sharing with me about their life and goals and me mine.

Peer workers may just have helped me more than my doctor

[On The Road]

Hi here to talk

From what you said of life coach I haven't heard of this kind of program or position (?) the closest I can think of is a peer support worker. I understand that a big group where they motivate each other is not really applicable or enjoyable for everyone. To some degrees, it even sounds like MLM motivational training lol

As every single person is on their own pace and towards very different goals in general, it is indeed difficult to find a life coach like this. I think some people who would make friends met at group therapy and bonded strong and committed friendship.

[Here2Talk]

Hi sleepy,

It’s hard hey- as people we are such difficult beasts to work with. But people are vitally important for our survival...

I agree with you in that it would be hard to set boundaries.. Depending on what problems one was experiencing that could be problematic.... anything rehab I could imagine being this way... there are a lot of cues that people recovering from addiction could be stimulated by and then transfer that to one another...

I guess Sbella is right in suggesting a friend... I guess that is exactly what I’m looking for. I’m very socially anxious, but I do have a great relationship with my one best friend, and with my wife and parents. So that is good, I am thankful for that. But there are problems - me and my wife both suffer from anxiety, my friend is too busy and probably not the best person for this (although we do have quite therapeutic conversations at times), and my parents, well it’s just difficult there’s always (understandably) the fact that they see things in their own way which is unlike mine.

Hmmm... so I want a friend, who is (at least somewhat ambitious like me but maybe having problems in organising him/herself. I have a creative and slightly entrepreneurial mindset myself, but am aware of the primary importance of mental health. You see I have a lot going on- just finished uni for this year, full time job, two young very badly behaved kids atm (at least one diagnosed autistic), music projects (eg mixing and trying to figure out how to promote an album) and other creative things to do with making videos about psychology to help everyday people. I have a lot to offer but in a Very real sense way too much going on.

So yeah someone with clinical levels of distress probably wouldn’t be compatible, especially depression.

I guess someone who is looking to make a long term connection, somewhat motivated, wanting to change their life for the better, by building better habits, try to problem solve to achieve goals, and being more healthy and taking care of their body. Somebody who wants to help me with those things while I help them with those things...

Gosh how would someone find a friend like that? Obviously they exist, but how would one find of such a person out of millions??

thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread by the way.

[Guest_1643]

I hear all of this. Thank u for sharing more about urself. I feel where Ur coming from, and relate a lot,

I talk to peer workers and they have provided some of what Ur seeking, a friend to care and motivate. I believe a good caring supportive friend is more valuable to many of us than therapy, yet is harder to access and find, go figure.

here to listen, and I do relate

[Here2Talk]

Thanks Sleepy, for the advice, and your interest.

I went over what I wrote in the above post whilst at work today, and was thinking gee this sounds like asking a lot from a friend, all the things I described...

[Guest_1643]

I think of a close friend it's fair enough....friends support each others endeavours....

I grt support from peer workers, who in the end, are paid to help me....and do so as a job, however, I do see the point u make...having been there before, they get it and can give the best advice !

And in aa sponsors support their sponsor free of charge... maybe there is a space for ppl to help each other...

[Here2Talk]

There's actually a community on reddit I've found with people interested in the same thing (accountability buddies). It's only a small one, but I've met a couple of interesting people on there, one actually in Australia. So that's pretty cool.

Yes I wonder if there could be like an AA, but for mental health.... Like you've mentioned, the boundaries thing is an issue - with mental health problems in general as well as addiction.. But I feel like it could be a cool thing.. Don't know if I've mentioned in any posts you've read but I'm in the process of becoming a psychologist myself.. I'm starting to feel like in addition to that, into the future, some kind of community dedicated to promoting mental health could be good. I know this is one, but it has it's limitations, including the pseudo-anonymity. But then again I guess you have to have it, because some people share things which, if were made public and connected to their identity, could really cause harm....

Still it would be nice - to have something for poor people (I make okay money but because of my financial choices I consider myself to be in this category). Something less transactional and more human for those of us without access to money or good relationships (the latter of which I'm lucky to have). ...

[Guest_1643]

Hi Here2talk,

Great u found some spaces on reddit that operate that way.

I relate as I'm also financially not in a great position and have never had a healthy support system.

I think in same vein as AA it'd be great to have spaces where ppl can come regardless of financial situations and sit and have a chat about their mental health.

Ive had a peer worker contact me recently from a mh org offering to help and meet up. I, thinking of taking the offer.

It is great to have like minded ppl around