Accepting yourself

[white knight]

Acceptance is in the mix, in terms of the process we have to face where it comes to our demons. Like all the other factors in our quirky lives with mental illness challenges, we often have more intense fights to endure.
We have to accept we have a mental illness- no mean feat before we can feel relaxed in our own skin. We have to accept being “different”, not normal and we have to accept others wont/don’t/cant understand. We have to accept the download of all this and the discrimination from nasty people. Then there’s the challenge of accepting ourselves.
To top all this off we have the the computer. This machine has made incredible advances in communication, knowledge sharing and we as a result are far more aware and educated. But there is a downside….misunderstanding. In respect to forums we shed our outer skin, expose our deepest thoughts and in many cases display information about our inner thoughts we would not normal reveal. This can have ramifications. I’d argue that we with emotional needs far greater than normal and sensitivity at peak levels, that we are prone to fall into traps on the internet more often.
Facebook is a good example. I covered this in a thread- https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/why-social-media-is-no-good-for-you

. Bullying from some quite nasty people had occurred with me over a 5 year period by one low life person that surprisingly was a popular fellow with others…for a time. Until people realised his inner persona wasn’t all that nice as his exterior appeared. By the time harm was done, the personal messages of “take more medication and go back to your doctor buddy” cut deep and there was no way I could just “laugh it off”.
Internet disputes place us in a situation whereby you feel you cannot avoid them. We humans cannot agree about everything. But the worst thing about internet communication is, we don’t see the smile when the other posts, we don’t read the words how they were intended to be received and we certainly don’t have a vision of the good nature of the person…that often is clouded.
We need to always try to move forward because the bigger picture of life itself is important. It isn’t an easy task because we are still chewing at the bit about our side of a story…so we have to be brave if we are going to use computers as our tool to talk, find common ground and swallow our pride. Acceptance a challenge? yes and focus on the bigger picture.

What do you think?

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi the rising

The prison system is like democracy, the alternative is worse. So there is no real answer to reform but from the inner spark some that are incarcerated get and never return...about 30%.

The problem with a kind guard is that such approach is seen as weakness. Inmates are masters at spotting it so you 'save' it for those special moments you can give it without projecting you are an easy target for some sort of plan.

The "ghostly" aspect can play on your mind but after some experience you know not to allow your mind to play such games, attention is needed all the time even during the patrols at night when windy conditions along with those bluestone walls and unmarked graves can put a chill up your spine. A noisy cat in a bush can do likewise.

I found after 3 years (after my brother passed away by his own hand) that it wasnt for me. I didnt realise the long term effects and those memories remained for 14 years when I was a security guard at a lonely Army base outstation with only roos to keep me company. One night I penned a poem and that poem completed released an enormous amount of emotion that it wiped the guilt I had of some decisions way back then. I also discovered that sensitive kind people that are subjected to environments not suited to their personality are much more prone to mental damage from them. My daughter, once a teacher now pensioned off from the stress and nature of her job had such a path also yet other more robust characters had zero effect.

My theory on jails is such that I endorse the concept of educating young teenage criminals early. There was a program in USA and I think Goulburn them days that led these fellows into an adult jail. The program called "scared straight" introduced them to hardened long term inmates that scared them so much they reformed before going down that road. Money is the problem. Jails and escapes/riots lose votes but good programs and education rehabilitation dont gain votes.

I met one ex inmate on a railway platform post jail work and he thanked me for my extra time I spent with him prior to his parole. Such tokenism I embraced as the one enormous reward for the best approach you can have not as any hero status but a personal goal of simply being a good person.

What that work did also was allow me to not only embrace my kind side but expose my authoritarian side if needed eg if an act of bullying appeared. I can be a toothless tiger lol. Tyrants are my specialty. A handy mask for a male.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi TonyWK

It sounds as though you have met with so many different parts of yourself over time - the authoritarian, the sensitive guy, the grieving brother, the compassionate dad, the seeker of self understanding etc. While it's one thing to meet with all the different aspects of us that relate to the more joyful side of life, meeting with the much deeper emotionally challenging and confronting aspects is, of course, a whole other story. From my experience, I've come to see each new mind altering life changing challenge as bringing a new part of me to life. Sometimes it can feel like a long tedious and painful labor. Perhaps this is one of the many challenges of a sensitive person, to identify what new parts are coming to life or coming to light at any given time. I believe, as long as we're on this earth, there will always be new aspects of us coming to light. If someone had have said to me throughout my years in depression 'Over time you will come to meet with the absolute best in yourself' I would never have believed them. Here we are, meeting those parts of ourselves Tony. Perhaps the most powerful part is the part that has kept us alive during the darkest of times.

I feel one aspect I struggle with the most is my fearless self. Typically she only comes out when my kids are involved. Perhaps that is simply 'the lioness' in me. She is completely fearless and would lay her life on the line in a heartbeat without a single thought interfering with the need to do so. Outside of this, my thoughts and attempts at fearless decision making can, at times, be too 'wishy washy' I suppose you could say. It was my brother who identified how we were never raised to be fearless. Our parents were kind and deeply thoughtful compassionate people to varying degrees (more so my mum) but they were never and still aren't fearless people. If anything, they were rather fearful people, inside the square players who played it safe a lot of the time. So, you can imagine how the inner dialogue goes. While the fearless risk taker in me may be saying 'You just have to do that. C'mon take a chance', my well exercised fearful side can sound a little like 'But I can't. What if this happens...'. Inner dialogue is brutal when it comes to the different facets of our self going into battle with each other. Yet another challenge for a sensitive person, to figure out which aspects of our self are battling it out at any given time.

We humans are fascinating creatures, so simple yet so complex