Hello everyone,
I wanted to share a little positive story, as well as say to say thanks. I hope you read this and find something useful in it.
I've had a terrible week and yesterday was a terrible day. Between kicking myself out of my house, sleeping at McDonalds, sleeping under the desk at work, and failing to do anything productive at work, I'd just had enough by yesterday morning. It was probably a good thing too that I was so exhausted yesterday, because those thoughts had become very intrusive.
Posting on these forums and telling my friends my plans saved me. Specifically, I'd previously posted more than once that I would be going to uni this week. So even though I could've lied and pretended that I went to uni, there was a nagging little thought in my brain that, maybe, I should get up and go. Then my friend sent me a message - "I'll see you at uni today." That kicked my nagging thought into action. I went to uni. It was horrible. But it was a step forwards, rather than backwards.
But I still had hours left in the day and, after eating dinner on my own, I got trapped in my head again. Again, posting on the forums that morning saved me. There's a thread about exercise started up by another forum member who I'm very thankful to have "met" on these forums. On it, I'd posted that I'd go for a run later last night. So, as with uni, I got that nagging thought in my head that I really should go run. As I walked home, I started playing my favourite running music: the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, specifically when they're running across the mountains. That gave me just enough energy to go for a short run, even though it was 10PM by now. So I did, and I could go to sleep feeling a little better about myself.
Sothat little bit of positivity, from what was a really really bad place in the morning, gave me enough desire to get up today, go to work, and know that I'm still here and surrounded by colleagues who respect me as a human being regardless of my issues. Tomorrow I go to Uluru, and I'm really excited to finish off my bad week with something nice for myself.
So I guess what I really wanted to say is thank you to everyone on the forums here. You've given me a place where I can feel comfortable. You've also, maybe without knowing, held me to the plans I make in advance just by listening and responding, so that when I do have bad days, I get that nagging thought that I should carry out the plans I made on my good days.
Thanks again.
James
