A life of excess empathy

[white knight]

There are a good percentage of people in the world that dedicate themselves to giving to others. World Vision and many other organisations are dedicated to making life easier, even survival more likely not only with food and bare essentials but with support. Such kind people, for them to dedicated themselves to throw their life at their work is amazing. The ultimate in empathy.

In our day to day lives however, what is excess empathy? As an empath (a tag a friend gave me) I've often paid a price for seeing only the good in others. But being an empath also means you dont expect to pay a price for your gift seen as softness. Why do we sometimes pay such a price?

As Newtons law states in part  "To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction..." That law is for solid matter. But if we use it in our daily challenges it can become a guide to what is "reasonable". Reasonableness does not include excessiveness in any area. Excessiveness can be a huge amount that is over the top... its an amount that is not common, needed or above requirements that can have ramifications.

Empathy. An empath with excessiveness of their kind minds fall into trouble when we have relations with people that will see an opening to deceive or interpreted as weakness, the deceiver will try to manipulate, dominate or swindle the empath to a position whereby they capitalise on that weakness. This can often be inside the dynamics of a family. Sometimes a family has a child that feels they are always being picked on, made to do chores more than others or as adults they are consulted for a means of support before anyone else. This moves them to becoming a target for all family members.

Essentially an excess empath needs to recognise  that excess and pull it back towards normal levels Normal levels are likely not achievable but "toward" is progress. How?

• Boundaries. Inserting limits whereby the empath isnt called upon all the time, to teach friends and family that they can exercise their own responsibilities to themselves. There's a difference in discussing a certain problem with an empath over a cuppa and running to them on each occasion for the slightest life mishap.
• Acknowledging your self care needs. Such care is a priority over others (chiildren and dependant ones excluded)

Empathy is a wonderful quality but excess in any area of ones character has its down sides. Yes, it can be your own worst enemy if not controlled. 

Be grateful for your empathy but without vulnerability...

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Tony

All so beautifully put. You'd make a great educator for any empath, an educator with personal experience and life lessons learned. 

With the word 'empath', I find sometimes people roll their eyes or cringe at such a word. In their opinion, it's one of those 'woo woo' words. Being a proud woo woo gal 😅, I find it's a perfect word to describe a particular type of nature. If we can gain an empowering education from someone who understands what it take to master such a nature, it's both a blessing and a relief. 

Going through the 'woo woo' dictionary of words

• The word 'seer' can have some imagining a gypsy type with a crystal ball at some side show. In fact, I know plenty of seers. There are those who can only see the worst through their mind, those who can see through the most brilliant of daydreams or inner visions, those who can clearly see the way ahead (to the point where they can foretell exactly what they're going to be doing in a month or year's time) and those who temporarily lose their ability to see while they're depressed
• The word 'hearer' can be the same. While Neale Donald Walsch has made a fortune out of his 'Conversations With God' book series, there are those who hear clearly in other ways. While there are those who suffer horribly through hearing their inner critic, inner pessimist and inner whatever, there are also those who have mastered hearing the 'voice' of intuition or positive guidance or that inner voice that drives them to achieve what they once thought impossible

While the terms go on, ones that are often criticised or dismissed, they can relate to the abilities we can suffer through unless we meet a master or, at the very least, a master in the making who understands the challenges. 

So many people throughout history could feel, see, hear etc in unique and challenging ways even before modern medicine or psychology gave a label to such things. Your gift of feeling is what makes you such a beautiful person, so compassionate, so caring, such a masterful poet (wordsmith) and more. 

I smile when I say even the character Superman had to master his natural abilities. If he didn't, his heat vision would have had him burning holes in everything, his lack of skill in flying would have had him crashing into things left, right and centre and his super strength would have had him crushing Lois Lane's rib cage any time he embraced her. There's a down side to every ability unless we master it. Again, you'd make a brilliant educator/guide for any empath looking to master their ability to feel for others.😊

[white knight]

The Rising

I feel humbled, thankyou.

When young I was fully exposed, open to all sorts of abuse. I had no boundaries so self protection had to be developed. That "fightback" of equal force saved me from ongoing harm. 

🙂

TonyWK 

[therising]

Hi Tony

Such an incredibly brutal way to learn how to feel. Learning to get a sense of other people's moods, as a form of management and self protection, is such a heartbreaking, fearful and sometimes terrifying experience for a child. Every child is entitled to a fearless and loving upbringing. It saddens me deeply when I think about those who never experience what they're entitled to. Kids are such truly precious people.

[white knight]

TR,

Yes, I then I joined the prison service at Pentridge Jail and it was no ideal environment for an empath as inmates actively looked for that quality to take advantage of in so many ways from privileges to gathering restricted information. I was advised one night shift by a colleague that toughening up wasnt an answer as it wasnt in my makeup, but he did suggest boundaries and techniques on how to carry out duties and protect myself and the security of the jail. So I put them in place and the actual benefits of those newly learned techniques actually worked better in my private life for decades after I left the job after a few years.

As a recent grandfather I can put aside my childhood that was full of fear from a tyrant parent and focus on my daughter and their baby to ensure as an observer and guide, that they wont suffer the same torment I did. I'm lucky though.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Tony

I think teachers can take the most unexpected forms for an empath, such as with your colleague. I 100% agree that it's not about 'toughening up', it's about skills and strategies that allow us to turn the sensitivity dial up and down when needed or switch sensing on and off at will. I smile when I say I still haven't completely mastered it all, especially when it comes to certain people in my life. I actually saw one of them today. I know I 'brace' for emotional impact when I see them. There's gotta be a lesson to be learned there for me. Haven't quite worked it out yet🤔. I'd say part of the challenge involves them being such an up and down person, a genuine angel (who'd do anything for someone he loves) one minute with some egg shell walking involved the next. He's also a real feeler but hasn't mastered fully understanding and managing his feelings, which helps explain their unpredictable nature. We're all a work in progress, hey.

I can't help but wonder what techniques you learned from your colleague, that you still employ today. I'm always happy for a lesson in self mastery😊. Btw, I recall visiting Pentridge some years ago after it closed. Even with no inmates, it was still a fearful place. Definitely had a vibe to it, that's for sure.