24. And using cocaine daily.

[Ashamed H]

Hi I’m not too sure where to start here. I was mainly looking for a 24 hour text/helpline but I couldn’t find any running at 3am.

a brief run down of my situation, I have been using cocaine recreationally during the weekends on and of for 2/3 years and didn’t feel dependent or like I couldn’t control my use.

but the last 6 months has seen my use get to the point that I’m $15k in debt to some less than pleasant people. The last 2 months I’ve been using a gram a day minimum and ince I start I can’t stop until I either have no money or run out of cocaine.

I feel so ashamed every time I take it and I don’t think I even feel any “buzz” or pleasure from taking the drug anymore it’s purely become a bad habit, well addiction.

so far I have kept it hidden from my family and have only reached out to a few close friends but even then I feel like a burden. I want to stop. But it has such a grip on me now that it is all I care about.

my two questions I have are they’re any cocaine anonymous classes in Brisbane,

and should I tell my parents I need help.

I haven’t told my parents due to my mothers brother dying from cocaine over dose.

and I know that would break her.

please anyone that can assist even if it’s a coffee and chat. I’m almost at the point where I’m close to the edge.

I’m a 24 year old professional. ive got a fantastic just in finance and I’ve already been given final warnings due fo being too much of a mess - and unless I change or find help soon I can only see it with me loosing everything, job, family, car friends.

somebody please I just need some guidance - and hard truth.

thank you

[Ashamed H]

Hi everyone, sorry it’s been so long I have been really trying to focus on staying clean and paying. Back debts to some dodgy people.

firstly thank you all for your support and kind words it really does help - I didn’t get the courage to reach out to a call line or service or my family as I new it’s would break my mothers heart. That’s mainly what gave me the strength to do it for her.

I also have amazing friends that although they dabble noticed my decline and helped me to get back on track. I’m slowly paying off the gangsters I owe and luckily haven’t had any trouble with them yet....

I do still need to find the courage to speak to someone or potentially seek some kind of withdrawal medicine as I still think about it everyday and would have no self control if I was to go to to pub or have a drink.

Since october I think I’ve cut down on my daily habits.

I already feel more refreshed and focused and mentally so much more stable compared to how I was back last yeah almost suicidal.

im not going to fool myself and say I’ll never touch it again because I believe I will on occasion but at least now it’s when I chose within a safe social environment not the drugs choosing me everyday.

hopefully one day I’ll never feel the urge to have it. I don’t want to bring up a child who’s dads a coke head.

honestly you’ve all helped so much thank you all!

[Ashamed H]

Well 3 years since I first posted about my initial battle with addiction unfortunately a few personal factors triggered my downward spiral. 
 

long story short I lost my banking job that I’d studied and worked so hard to get. And wound up in jail on remand for 9 months. 
 

I came out of jail determined to stay of drink and drugs and was able too for about 10 months but unfortunately I’ve found myself slipping up again. 
 

I’m in much better headspace than when I first posted on here no more suicidal thoughts. But I’m not sure if it’s because I feel like I have nothing to loose anymore. 
 

I’ve been trying to get back to normal work life routine but it’s hard as all my formal qualifications and experience are in a industry I’ll never be able to work in again so I feel a bit lost. 
 

I feel determined to not let my addiction win as I’ve seen how bad it can get so quick. 
 

I have also been using my time whilst unemployed looking into starting a charity to support people like me to try and save them before they hit rock bottom. I certainly never imagine I’d go from being a relatively financially stable young professional to jail but here we are. 
 

I am feel I have to share my story with people who had a similar situation as I did at the start of my addiction, if I can help even one person with their addiction and that helps them avoid getting into a situation where they loose everything like I did then I will feel like I have finally won my battle with addiction. 
 

[Croix]

Dear AH~

(no, Id prefer not to use your full name as it is looking back and I think you are starting to look forward)

Welcome back, it is a pity it is is these circumstances, but you are among friendly folk.

Yes, I'm afraid there is a domino effect, the cocaine, the debt, job loss, for some family loss plus trouble with the law.

You have experienced it all and I'm sure at times see no way to retrieve the sort of person and life you had. However you are drawing from all that ,and combined wiht a caring nature (your talk of your mum shows that) you are trying to avoid places where temptation is high and want to help others.

That's not a bad start.

Incidentally do you have a family of you own? You did mention bringing up a son.

There are an awful lot of people for whom a surprisingly small amout of guidance and encouragement can make all the  difference

I think if you can start even a small group that is a great idea, and if it turns into a charity so much the better.

Do you have any ideas on how to start it off?

Croix

[Bob_22]

Hi AH,

Thank you for the update and I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you're going through. That being said, you sound incredibly resilient and seem to be looking forward as Croix suggested. What a great idea to help others who might have a similar story to you. I know how merciless addiction and incarceration can be, especially when it ruins employment opportunities so I can't imagine what it must be like for you. But please remember you're not alone. I know from my previous work in youth mental health that we had social workers and vocational workers who could help our young people with employment. I'm not sure how it works for over 25's but do you have a GP you could chat to about potentially getting a referral to social and/or employment support worker? Keep us updated and thank you again for sharing your story. It is all too common and very touching when someone like you shows leadership. 

Bob